Set: During Threads, except that it's a little bit AU. Wait, I tell a lie. It's a LOT AU.
SPOILERS FOR THREADS. Kinda.
Archive: SJfic yes, please. Anyone else, sure.
Notes: This just... came to me. (and I forgot it was here)
Knots Untangled by ALC Punk!
The phone was ringing.
General Jack O'Neill dragged himself from sleeping to waking with something approaching sloth. A ringing phone might mean an emergency. And he should answer it, even if he felt like ten kinds of shit that had been mashed with a steamroller.
His pillows were missing.
Where was the god-damned phone? He groped at the bedside table. Nothin'. Then it occurred to him that maybe he'd knocked it off, at some point during the night, and he dropped his arm to grope at the floor. The less movement, the better. Finally, his fingers closed around the plastic handset, and he drew it back to his ear, clicking the talk button with his eyes still closed.
"O'Neill," he mumbled into the receiver.
"Eggs or pancakes?"
For some reason, Jack was having difficulty understanding why Colonel Carter was asking him about breakfast foods. "Huh?"
"Eggs or pancakes?"
Nope. Hadn't made sense the second time, either. He frowned, "What?"
"For breakfast, Jack."
It suddenly occurred to him that he was hearing her in stereo. And she'd called him by his first name. That had to be a fluke.
He still couldn't move all that fast as he slowly turned and stared at the woman propped against his missing pillows, her cell phone to her ear. "Carter."
A smirk dimpled her cheeks, "Jack?"
"I'll have to call you back," he said, moving ever so carefully, "I'm having a wet dream about a hot blonde in my bed."
"You sound more awake now, sir. I guess I'll let you go."
Jack dropped his phone and dove, tackling her. They tumbled sideways off the bed and landed on the floor with a thump.
"That..." He winced. "Could have gone better."
Glaring at the woman sprawled on his chest, Jack said, "Yeah."
Jack frowned, more of the evening coming back to him. There had been... alcohol. No. That had been the night before that. The previous night was a blur until Carter showed up on his doorstep and told him to order a pizza. Huh. And then more blur. And he was sore.
"This..." She suddenly frowned. "Jack?"
"I..." His voice froze, and he stared at her for the longest time before reaching up and touching her nose. "You're real."
"Indeed," she replied, eyebrow raising.
She snorted and began scrambling off of him. "You never answered my question."
"Gotcha." She stood and tossed her phone onto the bed. "I'll go--"
His hand grabbed her leg, obviously moving faster than his brain was. "Carter?"
Again with the calling him by his first name. It was really beginning to freak him the fuck out. "Why are you..."
She blinked down at him, then shrugged, "I got tired of waiting for you to decide."
"Oh." He shifted his grip higher, inching towards her knee. "So..." It occurred to him that there was completely naked Sam Carter. In his bedroom. Jack's hand tightened. "Bed."
"Again?" Her eyebrows went up.
He licked his lips and nodded, beginning to remember more things about the night before. She squeaked, for instance.
"Fine, fine." Sam twitched her leg and climbed onto the bed, then shifted so she could look down at him. "This takes two, General."
"Admiring the view."
Jack rolled over and winced.
"Maybe some aspirin would be a better idea."
Than sex with Carter? Jack suddenly decided he wasn't sore, and dragged himself upright before falling onto the bed next to her. "Nope." His hands--which were now, apparently, allowed to touch her--filled themselves with Carter!skin, and he sighed happily.
He considered a moment, then shifted onto his back, grabbed her hips and tugged, "C'mere."
"Wha--" She sighed and followed his insistent directions, straddling his head and staring at him. "Jack, this really isn't--" all of her breath escaped in a gasp as his mouth closed on her. "--necessary."
Best breakfast ever.