Disclaimer: Not mine. Set: s8, after Affinity.
Improbable FLUFF Pairing: Sam/Jack, Pete is mentioned.
Warning: Fluffy snark. And Pete. Who is in this.
Notes: This came to me in a dream (omfg, what a stupid cliche!) this morning when I was lazing around in bed debating whether to get up...

Improbably Yours
by ALC Punk!

"But, Sam --"

"Daniel, don't argue with me," Samantha Carter was just a little agitated. She shook the tux on its hangar at the archeologist. "Half the base is down with a cold, the other half has the flu."

Dr. Daniel Jackson let out a pathetic sneeze. "Why me?"

"Because there are bigwigs and money people coming to this shindig, and we need you there to sweet-talk them."

He sighed. "Sam, I --" another sneeze, "-- am sick, too."

"You'll live." She informed him.

He gave her a pathetic look.

"And don't think the General's getting out of it, either. I've got Walter cornering him right now with his formal wear." She made a face and bounced, slightly, the dark blue ball gown she wore rustled. "Besides, if I have to get all dressed up, you're not escaping."

"What about Teal'c?"

"He's next on my list." She placed the hangar over the hook on the small door to the en suite. "I expect to come back in an hour and find you dressed, Dr. Jackson."

"Yes, ma'am."

Which, well, of course he agreed. As anyone knows, Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter can make you do anything. Especially if she's irritated.

Teal'c didn't need persuading, luckily. He was almost fond of 'getting dressed up', and accepted the tuxedo she handed him with a smile. He also told her she looked lovely.

"Thank you, Teal'c." Sam smiled, "Let's hope the brass do, too. Otherwise, the SGC could find its funding cut." A sigh, "I just wish Dr. Brightman and Captain Majors weren't too sick to attend. They'd be much better at making the brass see reason."

"If you are referring to their assets, Colonel Carter, I believe you are selling yourself short."

She made a face. "Maybe. But I hate being put on display like a side of beef."

There was no reply Teal'c could make to that, and so she left him to get dressed. Besides, she had to make sure the bunting had gone up in the hastily converted storage room which was now a ballroom on level 17. It was the only space large enough on the base for this sort of thing. Most of the other large rooms had built-in chairs, which made them useless for a function which included an orchestra and dancing. And she didn't want to remember how hard it had been to clear the room with Siler sneezing every other second and half the techs running off to lose their breakfast.

Sam was bored out of her skull, so bored she was doing calculations on energy outputs for the device SG-15 had brought back. It looked like a promising energy conversion source. Dancing with her was one of the types she had long come to loathe. A slimy, bureaucrat more interested in the latest gossip of who was sleeping with whom than in actual work. Or the planet.

In the crowd of dancers (and there was a crowd, the tiny 4-man orchestra providing just enough music for them to dance by), somewhere, was her fiancé. Pete Shanahan, detective, had been pressed into service at the last minute to make up the numbers. Besides, he looked nice in a tux.

Even if she still hadn't had a chance to dance with him.

Daniel and the General and Teal'c also all looked good in their formal wear. She'd actually been kind of impressed that they cleaned up so well. Walter had outdone himself.

So she really wasn't registering everything her current partner was saying. It was, to use the cliche (and the General hated those) 'going in one ear and out the other'. Until he said something that snagged in her brain.


She blinked, "I'm sorry, my ears popped. What did you just say?"

The oily man smiled, "I was saying that the rumor mill has it almost confirmed that General O'Neill is retiring."

Retiring. It was like having a breaker tripped. One moment, her world was one way, the next, it wasn't. "That bastard."

"Colonel?" Her partner looked disturbed.

"Excuse me."

It didn't take long to find him, he was dancing with one of the visiting bio-chemists, a Dr. Rebecca something or other. Her hand tapped him on the shoulder, and when he turned, all her pent-up irritation manifested, and her fist slammed into his jaw.

He went down, his dance partner startled. "Hey!"

"Retired!" Her voice was incredulous as she stared down at him. "All this time, and you're getting retired, NOW?"

"Yeah." His eyes met hers.

Around them people were gathering, uncertain whether to step in, or let things play out.

Sam herself wasn't sure how things were playing out. She was shaking and angry, and she wasn't completely sure why. "You have to be the stupidest son of the bitch on the planet, General." Her tone was scathing.

"How do you figure that, Carter?"

"You're walking away." Her hand held itself out of its own accord, and she hauled him to his feet. "Eight years, and you're giving it all up."

"And if I am?"

The ball was in her court, she thought fuzzily. It always had been. "I'm an idiot."

"Carter, your brain --"

She didn't let him continue, her hands on his lapels dragging him to her, she stretched up on her toes and finding his mouth felt simple. Normal. And then she was kissing Jack O'Neill.

The world didn't end.

The world didn't end, she repeated to herself dazedly as his arms dragged her closer and his mouth devoured hers.

Shit. The world didn't end. She jerked back. "You were going to let me throw it all away."

"Not let, Carter. It isn't my life. It's yours." His eyes were serious as he looked at her. "Your happiness."

"MY happiness?" She snorted, "It was just easier to play the martyr."


"Shut up."

"Shutting --"

Maybe she should have felt ashamed for being plastered against the body of her commanding officer, kissing him rather shamelessly in the middle of a formal shindig to keep funding available for the SGC. But she didn't care.

"Carter," he mumbled, "You're gettin' married."

"Am not." She held up the ring she'd removed, then went back to kissing his jaw.


"We're idiots."

"Nah, your brain is a national treasure."

"Sam?" Ah. Pete.

Dragging her lips from the General's, Sam looked at her ex-fiance. "I'm sorry. But you deserve someone who actually loves you." The ring fell into his out-stretched hand.

"But --"

"Don't bother her, she's busy," the General said, glaring, before returning to the task at hand.

"Should have done this years ago," she mumbled against his lips.


"We're idiots."


Since he was happily kissing her, Sam was pretty certain he wasn't as uninterested as she'd sometimes thought. Or maybe that's just how it worked. Stick a pretty female in front of Jack, and he'd kiss her.

"I didn't have to drug you with cake, at least."



"Shut up."


By that time, of course, the non-kiss-participants were beginning to get a little disturbed at the flagrant disregard for the rules that the General and the Colonel were apparently displaying.


"Go 'way, Daniel, I'm kissin' Carter."

"General, Colonel, if you don't halt this instant, I'm afraid --"

"Carter, how many times have we saved the world?"

She pulled back from him for a moment and considered, "A lot, sir."

"Right." The General looked at the President. "We've earned this." And then he went back to kissing the Colonel.

"You two are going to be court-martialed for --"

The General stopped kissing the Colonel for a moment. "Talk to my lawyer, Dr. Daniel Jackson."

"Jack, I'm not a lawyer."

"Pretend, Daniel," Sam mumbled, shifting her grip on the General.

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson, I have investigated the laws of your planet many times. I believe that I have found what is called a loop-hole." Teal'c sounded smug.

Sam was all for Teal'c being smug. It meant she could keep kissing Jack.

"Really, Teal'c?"

"This is, this is..." The President didn't seem to know what to say.

"Insane? Preposterous? Not allowed?" The Colonel pulled away from the General and her words rang out in the strangely silenced room. "Or, even better, conduct unbecoming? Well," Her hand wrapped around the General's. "I don't give a shit."

"You know, Carter, you should've waited for me to resign, this time."

"This time?" She shot a glance at him over her shoulder, and his eyes went wide.

"Uh, yeah."

"So, what other times have we kissed where you've resigned, sir?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Colonel."

"The time loop, perhaps, General?"

His eyes gave him away. He wanted to smirk, but didn't.

"Mhmm. And just where did you kiss me, General?"

"The kiss was in full view of the occupants in the control room, Colonel Carter. And directly in front of General Hammond, who was most surprised." Teal'c sounded smug.

"Really." Her tone was almost even. "Tell me, General, were you ever going to let me in on your little secret?"

"Maybe." In a lightning-fast move, he slid his hands along her cheeks and cupped her face, bringing it close enough to kiss. "And maybe I was gonna demonstrate." Before she could protest, he shifted, sliding one arm over her shoulder and dipped them.

Sam grabbed onto his jacket in a vain attempt to not get dropped, and then got distracted because he was kissing her.

"Alien influence." A voice said. "This is alien influence, isn't it? I've read about it in some of the reports. And Colonel Carter went for the alpha male, and," the voice paused. "No, wait, that would be the President. Why would she kiss a washed-out General?"

"I believe, Daniel Jackson, that Colonel Carter and O'Neill require a room."

"Uh, yeah. Hey, Sam? You might want to stop kissing Jack."

She surfaced finally, and sighed as the General set her back on her feet. "This isn't what it looks like, Mr. President."

"Do tell, Colonel." Henry Hayes replied, his eyebrows raised. "Because I know what it looks like to me."

"Well, it's like this, sir." And she paused, and suddenly realized that she had the attention of the entire room. A blush colored her cheeks. "Um. Wow."

"I'm all ears, Lieutenant Colonel," the President prompted, his tone dry.

"Well, sir, the SGC needs me."

"Given." He allowed.

"And the SGC needs General O'Neill."

"Not so given."

"Trust me, Mr. President, if it weren't for the General, Earth would not be here." She replied firmly. At her back, the General made a snorting sound, but she ignored him. "As such, you need us. Also, as such, we have been very good for the last eight years." She paused, and her cheeks flushed again. "And I'm sick of being good, Mr. President. If I can't have Jack O'Neill, I --"

"What Carter's sayin', sir," the General interrupted before she could say something irrevocably damaging to her career, "Is that you owe us. For savin' the planet. A lot."

"And so, I should... allow you, what? To fraternize? To flagrantly disobey a regulation?"

"Yes, sir."

"Ah." Hayes turned to look at General Hammond. "Whattya say, George?"

"They're right."

"Hrm. Well, far be it for me to stand in love's way --"


"Er. Right, far be it for me to pervert the cause of, uh, sex." The President eyed the Colonel, "Are you sure this is the man you want? That detective fellow seemed a lot... nicer."

"Yes." She affirmed, her head tilted slightly so that the General had better access to where he was slowly kissing his way across her neck. "Completely sure."

"Well. So be it." The President clapped. "Everyone back to the party!"

"C'mon, Carter," the General tugged at her waist, "I wanna see how to get you out of this thing."

"And leave the party, General?" She teased.

"Now, Carter."