Summary: In which I use the word "cock" 18 times, and yet none of them in a sexual way. Really.

"Nee, Ban-chan, do you really think this is a good idea?"

"Of course it is, Ginji. By the time the night is over, we'll be filthy rich."

Ginji looked around dubiously.

"But Ban-chan, this place, it's so—"

"Be quiet, Ginji! What did you expect? It's not like people can come to see this kind of show just anywhere. It's not exactly legal, you know."

"I know that," said Ginji, and he would've kept whining if he didn't know it was pointless. Whenever Ban got into one of his money making moods, there wasn't anything anyone could do to change his mind.

Ginji pouted. Ban fidgeted, pretending not to notice. Besides, he'd heard that this was a good way to make money, if you're not too big on legality or morality, and God knew they needed money. Instead, he looked around and observed the crowd. They were in an abandoned warehouse in one of Tokyo's seediest districts, surrounded by men who looked even seedier. The spectators were milling around, waiting for the show to start. Money was flowing around almost as fast as the cheap alcohol, and the entire place reeked of sweat and other musty odors Ban didn't want to know about.

Suddenly, the lights dimmed. The noise level went up two notches as the audience started hooting and hollering for the event to start. Ban took a deep breath, steadying his nerves. This is a good idea, he told himself. He peered at Ginji, who looked very nervous and awkward, and gave him his most winning smile. Trust me, said the smile. Ginji swallowed hard, but nodded. They were ready now.

A raucous roar went up through the crowd as Ban's cock appeared first on the scene. It reared its magnificent head and drew itself up to its full height. Ginji gasped.

"Ban-chan, your cock is huge!" he said, eyeing it with wonder.

"Of course," replied Ban, smirking.

The crowd gasped appreciatively, this time as Ginji's cock appeared in the spotlight. It was sleeker than Ban's, and looked just as formidable.

"Looks like they like yours too, Ginji," said Ban. Ginji smiled, seeming to relax for the first time all night now that it had started, just like Ban knew he would.

At the host's signal, their two cocks started going at each other, jostling for position, each one trying to end up on top. The audience hollered and jeered wildly, but Ban and Ginji didn't hear anything, so focused were they both on what was happening. Sweat ran down their bodies as the intensity of the match and the heat of the moment took over. Ban's cock found an opening and went for it. Ginji cried out but it was too late, and Ban's cock took advantage of the situation, driving in relentlessly.

Ban felt kind of bad for Ginji, who, despite all their time together, still hadn't gotten completely comfortable in these situations. He reached out a hand and started stroking Ginji softly, comfortingly.

"You don't have to watch, you know," he said, gently. "Just close your eyes."

"I'm sorry, Ban-chan. It's just more violent than I thought it would be," said Ginji. "I'm sure I'll get used to it, especially if we have to do it again."

"Just relax, Ginji. I'll take care of everything," said Ban, wrapping an arm around Ginji to support him.

Things went well for the next few seconds and Ginji seemed to relax and just accept what was happening. And then something completely unexpected happened.

"Huh? Uhhhh…Ban-chan, I think your cock is…"

"What? What is it, Ginji?" Ban, who hadn't been paying attention, scrambled around to take a look.

"It looks like your cock is…getting tired."

"You've got to be kidding me!" But it was true. Ban could see that his cock was indeed flagging and not performing as well as it was a short while ago.

"Get up!" he yelled at it, feeling kind of ridiculous because the damn thing wouldn't listen to him anyways, but never mind that, his pride was on the line. He looked around and saw that the crowd getting more and more restless. They didn't expect the show to be over this quickly. What to do, though?

Desperate times called for desperate measures. He reached for his sunglasses.

"No, Ban-chan! You can't use the Jagan to revive your cock. That's cheating!" cried Ginji.

"Quiet, Ginji. You're just saying that because your cock is doing fine!"

To emphasize his point, Ginji's cock chose that moment to go in for the kill. Ban's cock squawked loudly in protest, but it was too late. Ban's cock was done for.

"Argh! You stupid cock!" yelled Ban, fuming. The crowd cheered loudly over Ginji's cock's victory and money exchanged hands left and right.

"It's alright, Ban-chan," said Ginji, trying to placate his partner. "You said yourself that this was a foolproof plan, so we're still going to make enough money to get some sushi for dinner tonight, right?"

Ban gave him a look that would've frozen even Fudou on the spot. Ginji backed away slightly.

"Yes, it WOULD'VE BEEN foolproof," said Ban fiercely, jabbing a finger at Ginji to punctuate each word, "if I had followed the plan and placed bets on both cocks to win, but the stupid cashier said that you can't do that, you can only pick one. I would've had you go up to bet separately then, but there was a minimum amount you had to bet and we could only afford to pick one!"

"Heh! Don't tell me you bet all our money on your cock, Ban-chan!"

"Of course I did! What was I supposed to do?" shouted Ban back.

"Ban-chan…what're we gonna do?" lamented Ginji. "That was the last of our money." And of course, his stomach decided to lodge its own protest at that moment, rather loudly.

"Don't worry, Ginji," said Ban, confidently. "The incredible Midou Ban-sama will think of something."

Ginji saw the glint in Ban's eyes, sighed, and resigned himself to whatever was brewing in Ban's mind. As long as it didn't involve cockfights.

Endnote: A dirty mind, me? I don't know what you're talking about. whistles innocently