am not totally sure from where this one came, I am not even sure how it came
to be but it is there and I enjoyed the two hours I spent writing it. It was a very
spontaneous thing and different from what I normally do, so I had to post it before I get
back to my mind and delete it again, so my beta only got a short look. Sorry for the
typos – I am only German, and this is English as you may have seen. O.o
IMPORTANT READ "Mirror
to my Soul" It's Sesshomarou's part of the
story! for you won't understand some things if you don't! and there
is a third part "Grace" for some more insight on Sesshomarou.
Nothing mine, you know I wouldn't waste time to bring these stories on screen if
they where mine, ne?
I could not understand what I was as I was young.
When I looked into the water
I found not more than a little clumsy girl with a dirty face
who was running along behind the perfection itself; strong, quick, noble, silent and ice
cold…white and clean, always perfect and deadly, a perfect killer. Although I could not
see the part with the killer yet, I was still too innocent to really understand what he was
For me he was the protector
that I loved with all my heart; the one who woke me from
the dead after the wolves killed me and ate away on my body. The memory of this
feeling still makes me shiver in cold nights- being eaten alive- awful memories they
are. But he was there as I woke – like every time I woke with this nightmare- staring
down on me with a cold and emotionless face which I mistook for beauty and care for
me – a simple dirty human.
With the years he started to
care less about me and my nightmares, never was there
anymore when I cried out in the darkness of the night. As I turned 15- which was what I
thought would be my age for I never really cared how old I was before he found me- he
moved me; out of the chambers close to him to the far end of the women's quarters
where all his concubines and the court ladies lived. I could not understand why he did so
at first – and to be honest, I thought he might hate me so much to cast me away because
I had done something wrong – till I got cramps and this dirty human woman thing.
In that night a concubine –
that my Lord had told to look for me- had spit out at me as I
asked for her help – I had no clue what was happening to me as innocent as I still had
been in those days- growling at me that I was dirty and would pollute the air with my
bloody smell of human heat.
I understood what had
happened to me as she threw some clean cloth at me and kicked
me out of her chambers, muttering about me being a filthy human bitch now that would
end up as servant of some sort now that she was unclean.
I hid away from the world
for the next days, praying that the bleeding would finally
stop – only hearing by accident from the guards that the Lord had left for a few days -
probably because he could not stand my smell anymore.
I needed some time before I
finally dared to get out again, seeking Jaken and his
– which was in those days still the most intelligent advices I could get from anyone in
the castle- and ask him what happened to me and where the Lord was gone.
He told me that I wasn't a
little girl anymore and that the Lord could not- rather would
not- let himself down to do as if I was more than I am any longer. I was a fragile, weak,
imperfect human woman that would have been killed so easily- with a neck that would
break to his claws as easily as a twig in a storm. And now that I would bleed once a
month the perfect and noble Lord Sesshomarou didn't think of me as a proper company
anymore – or something like that, for Jaken had a hard time getting out anything in a
way I understood. He was to busy being embarrassed about it too much.
I had grown a woman – but
unlike the other woman in the court which served the lord
in some way- I was hid away in the far corner of his palace. The only company I had
were concubines and such that weren't exactly nice to me now that I had lost my Lord's
protection- totally on the opposite- seemingly it was some kind of turn on for him to
pick the concubines for his pleasure that were picking on me the most.
It never had been a secret
for me what he did with those cocky female demons with
their white faces, red lips and black hair. I always knew that their Obis where tied in the
front for easier access whilst serving with their bodies. Another sign for how low I was
in the order; I was not even allowed to wear a proper obi or Kimono. Just these old
yukatas which I got from Jaken now and then - tied with a simple piece of cloth nothing
I thought about leaving more
than once in the years that followed; but never could do so.
One look at my Lord's face and anything inside me seemed to melt.
He was a killer and King;
perfection in every fibre of his pale and muscled body and
my heart could not turn away from his cold being even if it meant that the short human
existence I had would pass with bowing for demons who hated me more than the fleas in
their horse's mane- crushing me at least as easily as them.
And now? Now I had to leave for real.
Leave and look where my life
would lead from now on - like every other human who
worked in the fields or in the woods.
No, it wasn't my choice to
leave my home. I was more or less forced to do so. Ito one
of his favourite concubines caught me looking at a gift he had ordered for her; a little
mirror out of silver which was framed from little red flowers- something he never
would have gifted me with, not after I had turned dirty anyway- and the first thing she
did was grabbing me by my hair and dragging me out into the rain where she screamed
at me that I was a thief and a unthankful one at that.
Of course he heard it and
ordered her into his rooms, ordering Jaken to dry me
get me into some clean cloths before I should come to his study later that day to clear
up what happened. I did so; ready to swear that I had not done anything but it seemed
useless to begin with.
I heard his words as I was
waiting outside his study for entrance; Punishing the thief,
executing her for the unforgivable crime of stealing the gift meant for the engagement
with his future wife.
That moment was enough for
me to understand that I really was nothing more than a
piece of dirt for him anymore, so I went running back into my room and grabbed the
little I owned, rushing out through the hole in the garden wall that I had found out years
ago to escape through the rain before he would find me.
Deep Inside I knew it was
useless to run, useless to even try. He was a killer after
all, an ice cold perfect killer that merely wanted to avoid his father's failures to treat
humans too much like beings of worth.
He would probably drag me
back there and kill me in the middle of the dirty court like
he had done with the rapist last summer who had tried to get the daughter of one of his
generals. Killed, awoken, skinned alive, killed, awoken, castrated and killed again…
only to repeat it once more – I turned so sick from this show of power that I was glad to hide
away for my time of the month only to not look at this spectacle any longer.
Lightning crashes and I fall
to the ground, stupid tree roots. This way I also could have
stayed and let myself get killed right there from his claws. But before I could move to
get back on my legs, two clawed hands pull me up and set me on my feet under the
same tree which caused me to fall only a moment ago. I don't need to look up to see
who it is. I know it from endless years of following him.
He sounds asking and demanding for an answer at the same time. He never
asks he always demands.
"I am sorry Lord…" I mutter
and he lets go of my shoulders, I go to my knees and
don't mind the mud and all. Seemingly this surprises him for he steps back a bit,
probably to have space to ready his sword for the strike that will fall any moment.
Stupid of me to think I ever was worth something to him, even as a child.
"Why have you left the
castle in this rain…?" He demands and I am almost too tired of
the whole game to give him what he wants. I am so tired and sorry to be a simple
human, too dirty and too weak for him to bother him more. When did I stop calling him
by his name? Does this Question even matter now? I don't think so anymore.
"I am sorry Lord I should
have stayed and faced my punishment…" I answer him and
get a loud thunder as my answer. For the first time in my life I don't care for it.
Normally I always went hiding from these sounds of storm- ever since I had to sleep
outside on our travels. The memory of the past makes me smile in some way, scary
how life can turn and flip.
I catch movement out of the
corner of my eye and press them shut, the smile gone from
my lips. Any second I would feel his deadly blade or his green wipe. No, I probably would
not even feel how my head would be parted from my body – he's perfect with everything
"Why do you think I would
punish you…?" I hear him and opposite to what I expect I
find him going on his knees in the mud before me, reaching for my chin to look up to
him. "Have you done anything that would make me punish you?"
"Didn't your concubine tell
you what I did?" I asked and he just looks at me as cold
and grim as always. "I am a thief… and thieves die by your hangman's hands…" I could
swear he looked amused from my words- something he barely did as long as I knew
"There is an execution this
morning… for the thief that stole a precious gift that I meant
to give my future wife for her birthday next week…" He explained calmly and I sighed
inside, so he would kill me by morrow. How I ever thought I could escape was beyond
me at this point. "But this thief isn't you Rin…"
"Not me? But…Ito…" I babbled
and had to admit that I was beyond understanding
what he meant right in this moment.
"The thief was Ito… the
faithless bitch stole it from my room…" He explained and rose
to his legs, taking me with him to get back on my legs. Shock and chill of the weather
caught up with me so I could not support my weight anymore but he caught me safely,
scooting me up in his arms to rest against the his fluffy tail. "It was meant for you…"
5 words that I never had
thought possible, 5 words that made me stare at his cold face all
the way he carried me back to the castle till he laid me down in his own bed and stayed
5 words that made me so confused that it took a while to understand it fully.
Longer than it took for Ito
to surrender and give in to her crimes, longer than it took for
her to be banned from the Western lands along with a couple of the other concubines
that had treated me so badly.
Perhaps I will understand
one day why I had to suffer through the years close and still
away from him; probably I already have a pretty good clue when I look at our Hanyou
children playing and how protective he is about them.
Probably this is a mere
dream and I still lay in these dark woods, wolves eating away
on my flesh and blood.
But even If it is so, I don't mind.