The Real Story of Kyuubi and Konoha


The Kyuubi Wore Tennis Shoes

Disclaimer: Nope, not me, you are sooo looking in the wrong direction, buddy.
I don't see why I'm always considered the bad guy. Okay, yes, I'm a kitsune, which are known for being pranksters world-wide, and, yes, I'm an all powerful demon, with nine-powerful tails, each of which is capable of brewing up one heck of a monsoon, let me tell you. Mm-hm. However, I am a fairly laidback, non-violent kind of guy. Oh sure, Naruto and I have had our tiffs but, let's face it, wouldn't you be cranky of suddenly being squished into your equivalent of one square centimetre when you're whole life you've easily filled up a mansion, and then some? I don't think so. Especially if your square centimetre perpetually smells of miso ramen. Okay, sure, miso ramen is a right tasty bowl of noodle soup but to have to smell it 24-7? And not even be given the opportunity to eat any? Uh-uh, nope, I think anybody would be pretty moody after twelve plus years of forced confinement under such circumstances.

But I digress.

Alright, so, I may not look it but I wasn't always the sleek, foxy figure you see crouched before you. (I'm sorry but, man, do I make enforced confinement look so easy or what? I can make anything look good.) No, no, sorry, but I was still going through that awkward phase, chasing after all the latest fashions. At that time, one of the biggest fads were tennis shoes – you know, the black high tops with the really long white laces? Mine were red and, damn, I made them look good.

Well, anyway, me being a demon fox and all, it's kinda hard to tie my shoes. Oh sure, I try and try, and sometimes I just get fed up and henge into human form, albeit a very, very large human, and try to tie them that way, but normally I just tie them in my fox form and well, you know – no opposable thumbs. See, I'm all claw, ain't even got thumbs to be all thumbs with.

Do you get what I'm saying? No?

Well, being that I'm not that great with the art of the tying of the shoelaces, it's safe to say that there were plenty of times that my shoelaces came undone. Now, most of the time I was nice and safely away from anyone – I was especially glad that I wasn't near any of the other tailed beasts because I sure would've been the laughing stock of the lot, I mean, could you just hear it? "Hey, Kyuubi can't tie his shoes! A ha ha ha ha!" That would be so annoying. Anyway, like I said, I was normally far away from the prying eyes of civilization and could just easily sit down and tie them again, easy cheesy, which, by the way, is a great snack when served on those little butter crackers.

However, sometimes I wasn't so lucky.

Case in point: Konoha.

Now let me just tell you what a cool little town it is. You don't even see it and – bam! – suddenly you're just tripping right over it. I liked visiting it myself. It's very nice, very green, very clean, the people are friendly, the forests are lush, yadda, yadda, and like I said, you could trip over it without even noticing.

Well, I was out on one of my little jaunts, planning on visiting my friend tanuki who happened to be feeling rather down in the dumps with a bad toothache, when my shoelaces came undone and got caught on the Hokage monument during my passing leap. Well, the shoelace was made to be pretty darn durable and whaddya know? I got stopped in mid leap and landed quite soundly in the middle of Konoha. And wouldn't you know? The people who lived there weren't too fond of having large demons going around sitting on their houses.

Now, I had just thought, okay, just untie my shoe and boogie the heck out of here when, in turning, one of my tails did the merest of flicks and, whoops, there went the neighborhood. No, literally, I think it sailed clear over that one ANBU training forest, but I couldn't be bothered to pay attention, since I suddenly found myself and my tails pretty well tangled in the shoelace that had seemed to superglue themselves to the Hokage monument.

I think maybe they were shellacking it or something, you know, to preserve it, and all the fibers in my shoelace just kinda, you know, just kinda stuck. And let me tell you, I've used shellac before and it is a pain to clean up, especially if it gets in your fur and gets it all matted and gross.


So, there I was, batting away all those little ninja without even thinking about it and trying to get untangled from the monument without ruining my favorite pair of sneaks and, wouldn't you know, everyone takes it as some sort of threat and calls in the big guns.

That's right, they called in Yondaime Hokage.

So there he was, doing his magic type stuff and there I was, throwing a mild hissy fit because my shoelaces were pretty well stuck and next thing I know…

I'm stuck in one squalling little brat by the name of Uzumaki Naruto.

Anyway, you wouldn't happen to have a pair of new shoelaces, would you?

Yeah, yeah, I know my stuff is normally more drama-like, or at least the humor is a one-two punch at the end, but this just got stuck in my head last night. The idea is a bit similar to "The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs" (correct title?), in which the Big Bad Wolf tells his side of the story. However, the title is more like "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes" – which has nothing to do with this story – though the idea of Kyuubi tripping around in a pair of sneakers was what had popped into my head. Hm… wonder why this author's note didn't show up originally.