Lecture After Pleasure

Right at the stroke of eight o'clock in the morning, Master Splinter went around with a gong in one hand and a mallet in the other. First he came up behind Raphael. "BONG!" The red clad turtle jumps almost three feet high. "Good morning my son!" The elder rat announced loudly.

Raphael looked around. "How did I end up out here?" He groaned quietly as he rubbed his throbbing head. It pounded so badly that he could feel veins pumping blood. After smacking his lips a couple times, Raph asks, "Why does my mouth feel like I ate a shag rug?"

Not sticking around to answer the young turtle's questions, Master Splinter goes up to Mike's room and throws open the door. "WHAM!" This startled the orange clad turtle so bad that he fell out of bed. But the torture did not end there. Adding insult to injury, Splinter hit the metal instrument he carried. "BONG!" Not only did the gong ring, but so did Raph and Mike's head.

"Master, why?" Michelangelo moaned.

"No time for answers." Master Splinter said loudly. "Go downstairs and sit on the couch with Raphael while I wake up your other two brothers."

"Yes Sensei." Michelangelo gave a bow, only to feel the pain in his head grow worse.

"What happen last night?" Raphael asked when Mike came down.


"I don't remember. I was hoping you could tell me." Michelangelo replied while wincing. He sat down in one of the armchair across.

"Whatever we did last night, can we not do it again?" Donatello said while he joined them on the couch.

Raphael looked over at his purple clad turtle. "I take it ya don't remember last night either."

"No shell Sherlock." Donatello snapped quietly. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Hey, don't get short with me." Raphael barked just as quietly.

This time the three turtles were ready for Master Splinter and they covered their ears. "WHAM! BONG!" Only Leonardo was left to suffer the consequences.

Donatello started massaging his temples. "Well exsqueeze me, but my head is killing me right now."

"Yer head is killin' you." Raphael bellowed, only to regret doing so. He toned his voice down a bit when he said, "What do ya think mine's doin'? Tap dancin'?"

Leonardo staggered over to his brothers and has a seat on the coffee table. "That's what my head feels like it's doing."

"Well maybe if ya didn't walk so loud, it wouldn't." Raphael retorted.

"I'll stop walking so loudly if you stop breathing so loudly." Leonardo growled quietly.

"Here's a crazy idea. Maybe if you both shut up, the pain in our heads will go away." Michelangelo whispered harshly.

"Why don't you put a sock in it?" Donatello asked sarcastically.

While the turtles bicker among each other, Master Splinter comes up to them. He drops the gong and it hits the floor with a loud bang. It continues to ring as it wobbles around on the floor. Leo pushes his fingers in his ears as far as they will go, Mike tries to bury his head in to the seat of the armchair, both Don and Raph grab a cushion from the couch and wrap them around their heads.

Eventually the gong settled flatly on the floor. "Are you enjoying yourselves now?" Master Splinter asked coolly while he snatched the couch cushions from the red and purple clad turtles. "Having fun are we?" He grabbed his orange clad son by the shell, pulled his head from the armchair, and threw him on the couch with his brothers. "Having the time of your lives?" The elder rat smacked the blue clad turtle upside the head to get him to unplug his ears.

"No Master Splinter." The four turtles answer in unison.

Master Splinter stood before them with a glare on his furry face. "What were you think?" He demanded. "Of all the idiotic things you four have done, this has got to take the cake." The turtles opened their mouths to say something, but Splinter cut them short. "I will be the one doing the talking here and you will listen." He crossed his arms before him. "Now I want to know how you got alcohol." Nobody answered. "Speak up." The elder rat ordered.

"But you said that you were to talk and we were to listen." Donatello pointed out.

"Don't you dare get smart with me." Master Splinter snapped. "I am not in the mood. Now I asked a question and I want, no, demand an answer."

"We…we ordered it on-line." Michelangelo answered timidly.

The rat master's eyes grew wide. "You what!" Master Splinter bellowed, causing the teen turtles to wince. He threw his arms up in the air while lean towards his three sons on the couch as he said, "Of all the stupid things you could have done!"

Leonardo jumped to his feet and waved his hands. "That's not it." He said quickly. "We ordered food on-line and they delivered the wrong order by mistake."

Master Splinter whipped around to face Leonardo. "And so you thought it would be fun to try it all out." He said with a bit of a snarl in voice.

Leonardo's face showed the mixture of fear from his master and surprise as to what they possibly did last night. "We…did?"

Donatello scratched the side of his head as he thought about what the elder rat said. "I vaguely remember doing something like that."

"It was all Raphie's idea." Michelangelo said suddenly.

"What!" Raphael exclaimed, causing the four of them to wince again. "What lies are ya tellin' now Mikey?"

"It's not a lie. I remember." Michelangelo said with some insistence in his voice. "Raph said that since it was here, let try it. It's all his fault"

"Ok, I think I remember doin' dat." Raphael admitted. "But it's not all my fault. Fer one, nobody said ya had ta go along with it. Two, I remember someone not checkin' da order before acceptin' it. So really, it's yer fault."

"I don't care whose idea it was or who did not do whatever." Master Splinter said sternly. "What disappoints me most is that I leave you home alone, thinking that you are mature enough to take care of yourselves, only to find out how wrong that I can't."

"Master…" Leonardo said quietly.

"Don't you master me." Master Splinter ordered. "You all know what you did was wrong. Drinking anything alcoholic was bad enough as it is, but mixing drinks? What if you decided to go out roof hopping or joy riding in your drunken condition?"

"Come on Master, you know der's no way we'd do sumpthin' as stupid as dat." Raphael said like the whole idea was ridiculous.

"I thought I did." Master Splinter replied. "But obviously you have proven me wrong." He said with a sigh. "As of right now, I don't think you four are mature enough to leave the lair. You are all grounded until further notice."

So surprised were the four turtles, that they forgot the pain in their heads. They didn't squint when they bellowed, "What!" so loudly that it echoed throughout the sewers.

Master Splinter gave the 'you heard me' look. "No more trips to the surface and no visiting Leatherhead. You four are to stay home and practice your ninjitsu."

"Aw man…" The four turtles groaned.

"Further more, seeing as it was started by on-line shopping, no more Internet." Master Splinter added.

"Master, no." Donatello whimpered.

Master Splinter continued with his train of thought, as if Don had said nothing at all. "And since I can not leave you four alone anymore, errands would have to be run by either April and/or Casey."

"Casey run errands for us? Is that wise?" Leonardo questioned.

"What chose to do I have?" Master Splinter asked rhetorically. "Also, I believe the television has had a hand in all this too. So there will be no more for at least a month."

"But master…" The four turtles whined.

"Continue to whine and I'll make it three." Master Splinter warned.

"Yes Master."

Master Splinter clapped his hands sharply twice. "Now get into the dojo. We will start our two day endurance test with a couple dozen jumping jacks."

"Aw man." The turtles moaned on their way to the dojo.

"Another sound and it will a couple hundred." Master Splinter threaten while following close behind them.


After a couple months of being cooped up in the lair, Master Splinter lifted their punishment a little. The turtles were able to leave the lair to go to, and only to, April or Leather's place.

T.V. watching was reinstated and revoking Don's credit was the only way Splinter would let turtles ever go back on the Internet.

A month or so after that, all privileges were returned to the turtles and for the first time in a long time, Splinter left them alone in the lair unsupervised.

"Oh, I'm so hungry. I don't think I'll make it." Michelangelo moaned. "Let's order something."

"Forget it Mikey." The orange clad turtle's brother answered in unison.

The End

A/N: Old joke, I'm sure. But then again I think I've hit most the drunking myths and jokes so far. Why not go for the compelet set, huh?
I know the end is short (and sweet), but what else is there to add? They were caught and they were punished. Serves them right.
Thanks for reading and all the reviews, until next time.