No, scratch that. Double crap.
I just had to get these thoughts out. They've been bugging me, and as much as I have tried to pretend that they weren't, they were. And I tried, I mean I really tried, to act like it didn't mean anything, because it didn't… at least it shouldn't.
Anyway, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about… or writing about… basically, what the heck you're reading about… and you're like get it out already! At least, that's what I would be saying if I were on the other side of this, so let's cut to the chase.
Something happened to me today, and I'm feeling a little shaken by it. Okay more than a little. It's kinda crazy. Almost shaken like that time when I was driving and thought I killed someone. I didn't kill anyone- so don't get that look. Everyone I have ever hit has been all right.
I have to say that my extended visit to Screwville added all kinds of points to my record though. Like, the time lightning struck and I almost ran over someone.In my defense- he shouldn't have been naked while pretending to be an extra from Children of the Corn.
And then there was the guy who ran in front of my car because he thought his face was going all Mummy Returns. That was totally not my fault. That said, I must really warn everyone out there that talking on your cell while driving is a disaster waiting to happen. Just don't do it. I am so waiting for the Truth commercials to take that on. Did your phone come with a warning on the back from the surgeon general? Just checking.
Sorry. I tend to get sidetracked a bit. As carried away as I get when it comes to tangents, you would think I would be better at Geometry. Never mind.
So about this thing that happened. Well, something... or someone... just happened. And my reaction to this... that's the thing... it was unexpected.
Have you ever been in a situation where you have to take a second look at a person? For example, you have a friend, or a family member like in my case, that says they like someone. At first glance, you're whole take on the situaiton like: Why?
Sure, there's the height, the dark hair, and some cuteness in a quirky sense, but the whole small town "yes ma, yes pa" thing is so not in your hemisphere when it comes to attraction that it's comical.
You're probably wondering what actually lands in my hemisphere. I have a thing for bad boys. Not the really bad ones! I'm not self destructive (at least not all the time) but the ones that have a deeper sense of purpose in the things that they do. It usually leads to them bucking tradition, questioning rules that have no basis, and choosing the right thing over the thing that's expected. Now does that sound really bad?
I also have a thing for fliers. I grew up on an assortment of military bases, so I'm kinda ingrained in that culture. They risk everything every time they flip those shades down and give the thumbs up. It's kinda sexy.
But back to the story- my cousin had this thing for a tall, dark, farmer type, and I was caught up in all the flannel. I mean, what is it with farmers and flannel? Is it the only material that can be ordered from the Earth's End catalogue? My cuz was a big city, fast-talking, gum snapping, wise cracker (I taught her myself, ya know), so her crush on the small town Fabio was outside of my comprehension.
You would be right to question just how small town and Fabio could refer to the same guy. If I hadn't said it myself, I would think it was a mistake. Something about this guy made all the girls in the town drool- there's the Fabio. But his perspective was limited and naïve- filed under small town. I guess part of his charm was that he had no idea that he had that effect on people. Well, not everyone- I mean, I saw the guy naked and I'm still standing, right?
As much of myself as I see in Chlo, the fact that she could be that over the top for a cow poke means that I could fall the same way- and that is so far outside of my hemisphere that its in another galaxy. You'd have to start calling me Queen Amadala.
For my cousin's benefit, I tried to be open-minded and give him a second look. He didn't score any points for the number of times her heart got punted the length of the football field, but I can say that he didn't do it on purpose. I took it upon myself to help her get over the whole thing. I just couldn't stand to see her doubt herself because he was forever going loopy over the town Angelina. If I were to explain what that means, then I'd have to explain what 'Lanaville' stands for. I just ate, and that whole story tends to make me gag- so we won't go there today.
In order to help pull my cousin out of the rut she called her love life, I needed to understand what she saw in the boy wonder. That required the aforementioned second look. And, on second look, he was sweet. A nice guy with a nice smile… coupled with a tendency to sway you with a myriad of facial expressions. The one where you'd think his puppy died, or the one where the reflection of light from his teeth blinded you momentarily - all pretty sway worthy, if you're the swaying type. Which I'm not.
I gotta admit that I took advantage of him a couple of times- like when The General went all Drill Sergeant on me and gave me the court martial. Hey, I was homeless, and the idea of having a room with a bed and having access to a hot shower was so much better than the back seat of my car. Desperate times… well you know the saying.
Anyway, it turns out that this guy needed me as much as cuz did. And in some miniscule, itty bitty, iota of a way, I found that he had some of those attractive qualities I tend to be drawn to. Enough that I could consider him a friend… type. Not that I would ever admit that to him. Or to anyone, for that matter.
I know what you're thinking. That there was some underlying game of some sort to our relationship- but that is totally not the case. This guy was always the center of his universe and he suffered from it. Only child, non-dysfunctional family, totally cool mother in a town where mothers are on the endangered species list, best friends with a billionaire (like who isn't), and the owner of a huge unhealthy obsession.
My mission, and I chose to accept it, was to be the person who helped him grow by challenging him a bit. That's all.
And I guess he grew on me because when I least expected it…
Pow! Bam! Zap!
Everything, and I mean everything, changed.
That would be what just happened. Today. A few minutes before I decided to talk to you.
I saw him. I mean, really saw him. That sounds crazy because I have known him for years now. Chlo and he have developed a good solid friendship, thanks to me, no doubt. We've all grown up together in a way.
I got him to try something outside of flannel (I use an old one for cleaning) and we even got used to being called the "Three Musketeers."
So could somebody please explain to me how this happened? How, in the span of seconds your perspective shifts. Things that were black and white turn into colors you couldn't imagine… colors that you can't describe because they don't exist.
And maybe there were some warning signs. I mean, people don't change over night, do they?
There had to be signs… I live my life looking for them!
How could I have missed them? They say that love is blind, but I don't believe that. This is… something… but not love. It's… not quantifiable. It's not really an it, actually. An it has to be longer than 5 seconds. No question about that.
So, it's not a question about it (because, remember there is no it). It's more a question of how.
How… five years after I took a second look, I saw him for the first time.