This is three-part fic, and the result of too much Evanescence.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.


No one should ever have to look like that. Like they've just had their souls ripped out and stitched poorly in again.

But her blue eyes, so blue, and so full of sorrow. Why was she drowning in it? Why did she refuse to tell us, to tell me? I was closest to her, she knew, and yet she had blocked it all from me.

Why? The question keeps surfacing. When she came out of wherever she went, with a baby Hotaru in her hands, why did she look like she had been to hell and back? I wasn't there.

But I felt it. I saw it as if I was there, and it pained me to see her staring out as if she had no recognition of her friends. She looked as if…

As if she'd rather be dead.


I can see him. They follow me, to make sure I will not hurt myself. Yesterday it was Minako, before that it was Mako. Today it is his turn. Do they not know I just want to be alone?

The water is so calm. And blue. Blue like his eyes…

But I can see it red, like his blood. All the anger is gone from me now. If I were to die, what I saw would come true. I cannot stand that. I refuse to. Their bodies…

No. I cannot think of it.

I see him walking towards me. It is late; he will take me home. They will try to make me eat. I can't keep anything down. I taste the sulfur every time I try.

I will not be able to hide it for long. But when the time comes that they should know, maybe they will be mature enough to handle life without me.

Then I can sleep. Then, I won't have to wake up every moment, with those damned nightmares still leering over me.

For now, I balance on the edge of the dock. It looks just like I saw it. So peaceful…But I am afraid to turn around. I am afraid that if I do, I will see the horrors again. I long for the water to envelop me; but for now, I must wait.


I can see it now. Usagi is walking down the street as if she doesn't really know she's moving. Mamorou-san is holding onto her hand, supporting her.

Minako, Ami, and Makoto stand behind me. The time had come for answers. She has not eaten in weeks; only a few drops of water that we have forced through her lips, and some granola bars she ate.

Minako says she threw them up.

I refuse to believe she is slipping away. But now, as Mamorou practically carries her up the temple steps, my heart stops.

She is so weak. So vulnerable…

"Don't cry, Rei-chan. She will be fine."

I turn to Makoto, surprised. I feel my face; it is wet. When did I start to cry? No matter. Usagi looks confused now, as we walk with her inside the temple.

"I thought…I was going home." Her voice is so soft, so weak.

I can see Minako choke back a sob. Is it too much for her, I wonder? Usagi was too deep in her own world. She cannot see the truth when it is right beneath her eyes.

Mamorou-san makes her sit on the tatami mat, and she blinks slowly. I hold up a cup of tea.

"Drink it, Usagi-chan. It will give you strength. I made it myself!" Can she not hear the false cheeriness of my voice? Can she not see the tears still falling?

But she takes the cup, and looks at its contents.

"Rei-chan…I don't think I can drink it."

"A sip, at least!" I try so hard…Please, for us.

She is not in the least suspicious that she is the only one with the tea. Sighing, she takes a small gulp. Her eyelids droop.

"Rei-chan…what did you put in it?"

I don't want t hear it. The way her voice sounds, like she is accusing me. I am only trying to help her.

"No…" Her eyes are wide now. "No! I don't want to sleep!"

But her body is falling backwards, and Mamorou-san must catch her. Her eyes are glassy; but she is only about to sleep. Why does it feel like she is about to die?

She struggles; the most movement we have seen from her since that blasted fight. Then her body goes numb, and she stops. She gasps, and her chest begins to rise and fall evenly. Her eyes close, slowly, so slowly.

"Gomen, Usagi-chan." I mumble, as she slips away to her sleep.

We all henshin, and Mamorou-san becomes Endymion. We take her to the small room where the Great Fire is. I sit in front of it, and close my eyes. I must help her. Endymion is already trying his link. May the Gods favor us.

I hear a whooshing noise. We are all suddenly spun out of whack. There is a thud. I realize it is my body, and lift my head.

We are no longer at the temple. We are in Usagi's mind, to see what troubles her so. We cannot help her; we must only watch.

I recognize this. It is the dock. We are all facing the waters. Everything seems fine, calm and tranquil. Then we stand, and turn. I say nothing, my mouth hanging open.

It is Minako's scream that startles us from our silence. We have entered hell indeed.