Author: Mònica

Rating: PG

Summary: Catherine's thoughts.

A/N: Once again I was bored at class and I wrote a drabble. I'm not a native spoken English, this is no beta-ed so all the mistakes are mine. I'm thinking of making a whole fic of this for once in my life. By the way, the first phrase is vaguely taken from the song "Bullet with butterfly wings" by the smashing pumpkins.

Love is the most beautiful form of suicide. Every time you give your heart to someone appears the possibility, growing everyday it goes, of dying of a heart attack. Sometimes, falling in love or, thinking you have is the most stupid thing you've ever done. But then, once in a while, someone shows up and you know you'd willingly give your heart away. Someone, for whom, you'd do the craziest things the world has ever seen and you'd speak the sweetest words.

Believe me, I know it for sure. I'm living it. I have a someone. Sara.

The problem is she really doesn't know about my feelings. I'd rather dig a hole and spend the eternity in it that facing her to declare my love. I've always been a "people" person but when it comes to her I'm a selfish cold bitch. The bitchy blonde always ready to make her day a hell on earth. I don't do it on purpose, I could never have. But when I'm near her I feel my head spinning around, my mouth goes dry, my heart beats faster, my knees go weak. I've always been in control and I can't let a light brown haired sugar girl make me loose my forms.

Every cold word I say to her makes the distance between us grow a little more. While I'm trying to make the others think I can't stand her I'm dying inside to touch her, smell her, feel her. Since the first day she's got me though at first I didn't like the idea. Not because she was a woman. I don't care of who I fall in love. The problem was exactly that, falling in love. Because when I'm in love I'm weak, fragile and insecure. They all think I could handle everything. But they're wrong. I couldn't handle having my heart broken. So, from that very first day I decided to be a bitch to her. I even accuse her of not giving herself totally to solve Eddie's murder. I know someday I will regret it. Or maybe, someday I will have enough courage to face her, apologize and even tell her she's the love of my life.