Cry, small children. Cry because certainly this means the end is near.

Anyway, if you're all excited because you think this'll be a good fic, then please press that little X in the corner of your window right now. Otherwise, you're in for a big disappointment. This is a very sucky excuse for a fic that I wrote for a friend of mine about a week ago, and somehow felt the URGE to post it here.

You have been warned.

So, put yourself in Uchiha Sasuke's shoes for a moment. Take a moment to get in touch with your inner avenger. Become one with the angst, let the very essence of a whiney bitch with a sexy smirk and gravity-defying hair envelope you.

So, you're Uchiha Sasuke. You're walking alongside Uzumaki Naruto and he's blabbing about something or the other—you don't really care right now. There's a slim chance that it's anything important, and besides, you've trained your ears to recognize that slight tilt in pitch Naruto's voice takes when something's wrong. You've also memorized the tone he uses when he's planning something (both good and bad), when he's pissed off, when he's hurt, when he's begging for it harder and faster while you're pounding him into the mattress—

So, you're about two steps away from a hard-on in public, and Naruto's still talking about…whatever it was he was talking about in the first place. You manage to get yourself under control just as someone equally annoying but far less loveable and cute tackles the still rambling blond—he cuts off his speech with a startled yelp and you have to bite your cheek in order to refrain from ripping Kiba's teeth out for touching your idiot.

So, you're so lost in your rage you don't notice when Kiba and Naruto start arguing. Kiba is holding Naruto's ridiculous frog wallet high above his head and laughing at the short boy's futile attempts to snatch it back. Eventually Kiba grows bored with Naruto's hopping and flailing and transforms himself into a near-identical clone of the blond (near-identical because you know Naruto's ass is perkier and far more squeezable than that) and starts saying stupid things along the lines of, 'Oh look at me, I'm Naruto, I loooove froggies!'

So, you're watching as Naruto gets predictably pissed and jumps on the blond imposter, sending them both tumbling into a well-placed and rather deep puddle (that's strange, you note, it hasn't rained lately). But all your thoughts of rain are erased as the Narutos start fighting. In the water. Yeah.

So, you're staring as Naruto writhes ontop of Naruto, as Naruto straddles Naruto and tries to push him down to get the frog out of his hand, as Naruto tries to get up but Naruto pushes him back down in a glorious shower of water and wet clothes and floppy soggy hair and they're grunting and groaning and breathing heavily and you're also aware that you're making an incredibly strange noise that an obese person would probably make when salivating over a tasty-looking dessert.

So, what are you, Uchiha Sasuke, going to do?

"Sa-Sasuke—? What are you—"

"Get up, dobe. We have to go. Now."

"Oi, where's the fire, Uchiha?"

"In my pants."

So, you're laying in a bed with a pair of pants that don't belong to you dangling above you on the ceiling fan, the sheets twisted into impossible knots on your bed and Naruto is still trying to catch his breath as he blinks away the aftereffects of what caused those pants to get on the ceiling fan in the first place. There's a grin on your face and you're at peace with the world. Naruto seems to have finally solidified his brain and is currently mumbling something into your neck, still damp and slick with sweat and other things.

"Stupid horny bastard. You made me leave my wallet."

"It's your own fault. If you hadn't have been so sexy back there I wouldn't have had to drag you home and fuck you senseless."

So, you're suddenly aware of a weight on your hips and you're staring up into two angry blue eyes and in the tone you know by heart, Naruto calls you a shameless, sex-loving bastard and exclaims that he has no idea why he loves you so much because you're nothing more than a sex fiend and so on and so forth.

So, what are you, Uchiha Sasuke, going to do?

"…Want to go again?"

And so, you've just gotten punched in the face.

The end.

What did I tell you? Your eyeballs are probably falling out right about now at my pitiful attempt at humor. Oh well, I hope you liked it, anyway. Reviews feed the starving (wannabe) author!