Companion fic to Keys to Diplomacy. You don't need to read one to understand the other, but for all intensive purposes, this comes after Keys to Diplomacy.
Disclaimer: I don't own the show or the manga.
Keys to Leadership
Everyone knew that the Hokage was strong. Most knew he was unconventionally brilliant. There wasn't anyone, however, that didn't know that he had one very evil and prominent sadistic streak. Especially when it came to one Uchiha Sasuke, ANBU captain and sharingan-wielding prodigy.
When confronted, the Hokage would just smile deviously like a kid with a water balloon and say that it was just payback. Most would agree that whatever the Uchiha heir had done, he didn't deserve all that he got, but then, most hadn't grown up with him, either.
Though even those that had grown up with them would agree that sometimes the leader of Konoha did tend to go overboard.
Luckily for the Hokage, he had a very dedicated ANBU guard by the name of Neji, who was very good at knowing just when to step in. After all, it was tough to defend oneself when laughing too hard to breathe.
However, to ensure such courses of action, the Hokage had a very secretive chart disguised as a low-level water jutsu scroll. The chart was to keep track of which of his ANBU he hadn't pissed off lately, and which he had. He used this as a guide to schedule guard duty outside his office.
It was a unique system he had developed after a few times where he had realized he couldn't keep straight who was and wasn't currently out for his blood. A few black eyes while spiteful ANBU guards looked the other way had prompted it. Of course, he also made a point of personally kicking the ass of each ANBU that failed in their duty and then assigning them D class missions that involved shoveling out horse stables for a few nobles.
He thought it was funny.
It was while Uzumaki Naruto, holder of the Hokage title, was reading his chart under the concealment and safety of his desk that he noticed that he had a time gap for Sasuke. Fortunately, it had been long enough since he had last sufficiently angered Neji to schedule the Byakugan user for a week or two. He figured he'd need the Hyuuga as a distraction while he escaped via his office window.
Sasuke had a tendency not to wait around while he climbed out.
The blonde stuck his arm out and reached up to the top of his desk, hand searching for a pencil. After much fruitless groping, he found one and erased Sasuke's row for the next two and a half weeks. He then quickly filled in those time slots in Neji's row.
Then, just for fun, he assigned Shikamaru for substitution at the Academy where he would spend then next few days surrounded by screaming four year olds who were just learning how to throw sharp, pointy objects.
He snickered gleefully to himself.
"Ah, Naruto. Who are we torturing this time?"
The blonde in question poked his head out from under his desk to grin innocently at his intruder.
"Kakashi-sensei, I'm hurt that you would think I purposely torture my ranks."
The jounin grinned under his mask before replying, "You weren't? My mistake."
Naruto resealed his chart and crawled out from under his desk, his Hokage robe collecting the dust from the floor. Sitting on his chair, he grinned at the jounin, who was one of only two people besides the Hokage who actually knew what the scroll in his hand was. It wasn't like Kakashi would ever tell anyone, anyway. He personally thought the system was rather ingenious, and in exchange for never telling, he was never assigned substitution at the Academy where he would spend then next few days surrounded by screaming four year olds who were just learning how to throw sharp, pointy objects.
Plus, he thought it was fun to sit back and watch, occasionally giving the blonde helpful advice.
"Studying water jutsus again?"
"Why of course, sensei, I like to keep a wide arsenal."
"Anyone in particular that you intend to use it against?"
"Well, I thought to best study their effectiveness, I should test it on Sasuke, what with him being so proficient in fire jutsus and all."
The two remained in comfortable silence for a moment, neither caring that Naruto had never quite dropped the suffix for his old teacher or that Kakashi had never quite gotten around to adding the suffix for his pervious student; much less actually call him by his title.
"Last time I gave him a D-rank mission of babysitting some bratty kids and gave Neji that A-rank mission that Sasuke wanted. Partly to appease Neji for what I did to him, but mostly just to piss Sasuke-teme off. You were on a mission."
That explained to the jounin why he hadn't heard of it.
Kakashi gave no indication what he thought of the information, save for the slow curve of his visible eye.
They were interrupted at that moment as the door to the office flew open and a pink-haired medic barged in.
"Sakura-chan! Want to go out on a date with me?" Naruto jumped up, grinning broadly at the woman.
She gave him a brief smile.
"No, I don't think Lee would like that very much."
It wasn't as if the medic would actually admit to dating Lee yet, she was more or less teasing him along, sometimes going out with the taijutsu master, sometimes turning him down. To everyone else, they were dating.
She never bothered to correct them.
Naruto didn't even bat an eyelash at her refusal, especially since he thought Ino was much more fun to flirt with.
Which she was.
"So what brings you here?"
"This," she said, tapping a folder in her hand with a forefinger, "it's the physicals you requested for all the ANBU captains. Although there is one who didn't show up."
She put it down on the desk for the blonde who immediately opened it up to idly leaf through it.
"Hmm… I wonder…" he glanced at Sakura and quickly shut his mouth, but the devious glint refused to leave his eyes.
She frowned at him, knowing him well enough to know that he was trying to plan something. She glanced at her former teacher, finally acknowledging him, to see if he had any inkling of what exactly was going through the Hokage's head. Kakashi, however, was nose-deep in an orange book.
She gave Naruto one last stern look before turning around and heading out the door.
"She was always too smart for her own good," Naruto commented, watching her leave. If he wasn't terrified of her strength, courtesy of Tsunade, he would add her name to his trusty chart. However, his seemingly mild death wish wasn't ever likely to get that severe.
"So what are you going to do?" Kakashi asked when the door shut.
"I'm not exactly sure yet… but I'm getting ideas."
Kakashi glanced at the folder on the relatively clean desk before commenting apparently off-topic, "You caught up on your paperwork?"
"Nah, not really. We just have some new interns in the building and I managed to con it off on them."
Two days later, Naruto called Neji and Sasuke into his office.
Once the two captains were seated, Naruto slid the folder Sakura had given him two days prior to the center of his desk –which was still wonderfully clear, since the latest batch of interns seemed to be unusually gullible.
He considered trying to remain silent and not let either of them in on what was going on, just for kicks, but then belatedly remembered they were both not only far more patient, but also of fewer words than he.
"Well, actually I have a number of things on the docket today to discuss. The first and foremost concerning you, bastard."
"What is it, dobe?"
"We took a vote. You're definitely gay."
Sasuke sputtered slightly while Neji directed his attention to staring outside the window. It sounded like something he'd rather not become involved with.
"According to the latest polls, most people think you're gay. Actually, it's one hundred percent in favor."
"Well, me, Jiraiya, and Kakashi."
Unsure of what else to do, Sasuke settled for a glare. He wasn't exactly keen on knowing that his superior was discussing his sexuality with two notorious perverts. One of whom was a previously trusted sensei. Then again, he did find it interesting that his sexuality was a worthy enough topic for the young Hokage. After all, if Naruto was curious…
"This is a problem if you're going to resurrect your clan."
Sasuke suddenly felt any rising hope drop.
"Unless you're asexual…"
Sasuke fixed him with a cold glare, not missing the muttered: 'With a personality like that you'd have to be.'
"However, Jiraiya has graciously sent along a copy of this," Naruto said, pulling out an all-too-familiar orange book. "Kakashi has offered to pay for prostitution services for you and I managed to get you this!" he smiled brilliantly as he triumphantly displayed a bottle of pills loudly proclaiming in bold letters, their "libido-enhancing" strength.
Sasuke was about to reach over and strangle the blonde, but the Hokage quickly turned their attention to the folder on his envelope.
"This is the results from your physicals."
He was answered with a look of mild interest and one of complete confusion.
"Neji, your health and body are perfect," the blonde stated, winking. The Hyuuga gave him a flat stare while Sasuke imperceptibly tightened his grip on his armrests.
There was a knock on the door which Naruto answered with a shout to enter.
Ino appeared in the doorway, a large box in her arms. She quickly made her way over to the desk, and set it down on the floor next to it.
"It's that… package… you ordered," she said, slyly.
"Yes, thank you for coming with my package, Ino-chan," Naruto replied, smiling seductively.
"Think nothing of it, Hokage-sama; I'm happy to handle your package for you, anytime."
Sasuke's knuckles were white with the grip he had on his chair.
Suddenly, the pony-tailed blonde woman turned to the Uchiha heir and winked before sauntering out the door, but not before turning around and blowing Naruto a kiss. The Hokage grinned widely as the door shut behind her.
The blonde man turned his attention back to his subordinates.
"Blondes are fun, aren't they? ...Eh, Sasuke-teme? Something wrong?"
Sasuke forced the tenseness around his eyes and jaw to relax as he gave his answer in the form of a dark glare.
Neji shifted quietly beside him, obviously trying not to laugh.
The Uchiha heir hated the Hyuuga, especially at the moment. Ever since Neji had found out about his mild, very mild attraction towards the Hokage, the long-haired man had insisted on tormenting him about it.
He especially found it amusing when Sasuke got jealous.
"So anyway, Neji, you're clear for high class missions for the next year. Congratulations. Also, this means that you can guard me more often and we can have fun make-out sessions in my closet."
"Uzumaki…," Neji hesitated from telling the blonde to shut up when he remembered Sasuke, "I think I'd rather screw on your desk."
Before anyone could recover from their shock, he stood up and exited the room, desperately trying to keep himself from laughing when he had seen Sasuke's face. After all, it wouldn't do to have people think he had a sense of humor. His comment also had the added benefit of silencing the blonde anyway, and it was some nice payback from all the little teasing comments Naruto liked to make to him, if for no other reason than to try and ruffle the Hyuuga's feathers.
Sasuke, for his part, looked as if he were about to kill someone very violently. It wasn't hard to guess who.
Naruto recovered from his shock with a low whistle. "Didn't know he had it in him."
With a wide grin, he turned his attention back to the folder on his desk, his face suddenly going gravely serious.
"Sasuke," he began, his tone sounding unusually professional, "You skipped your physical. You have an appointment this afternoon here at three. You are dismissed."
"You never told me I had one."
"Didn't I? Hmm, must've slipped my mind."
"Not really. I did have to reschedule for you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do," Naruto replied in a clipped tone.
Silence reigned in the office.
Sasuke just sat there; face darkening before he bit out angrily, "What, you're not going to offer me a round in your closet?"
"No. Why would I? Now, if unless you have any further…"
"No, I don't, thank you," he replied bitterly, his voice cold and formal as he got up from his chair, finally releasing his death grip on his armrests. Without another word he walked stiffly out of the office, anger and jealousy radiating off him in waves.
Naruto bit harshly on the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning in victory.
He winced instead.
Shikamaru had been right; ignoring someone was a good way to get their attention. He almost felt bad about the substitution mission, almost. Instead he made a mental note to give the Nara a raise.
Sasuke stood, impatiently waiting for the doctor to return as he tried to ignore the fact that he was in a hospital gown.
The longer he waited, the angrier he got, not only because he was forced to wait, but also because the longer he was left by himself, the more time he had to think about Naruto and Neji, who he was going to kill. Slowly and painfully.
The door to the office began to open, and he let out a slight sigh of relief. He didn't know why Naruto had told the doctor to examine him in the Hokage office of all places, and he didn't really have a chance to ask.
However, it wasn't the doctor who entered, but rather a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed Hokage. He blinked stupidly before scowling at the man.
For his part, Naruto ignored him and grabbed the chart hanging off the edge of his desk, perusing its contents idly. Whether he had any understanding of the information it contained was anyone's guess.
"What are you doing, idiot?"
"Reading your chart, bastard."
"I have a doctor for that."
"I sent him off for awhile. I can do that, you know."
It was true, especially since there were few people willing to argue with the leader of Konoha. It either resulted in a headache or a fight. Not many people were willing to get in a fight with the strongest ninja in the village, especially when he was mad.
"Why did you ask me if I was going to offer you a 'round in my closet'?" Naruto asked, not looking up from the chart.
"Well you certainly seemed to be more than willing with Neji!" Sasuke spat, unaware of how he sounded.
"Neji's different," Naruto replied calmly, head tilted downwards as if to review the health report in his hand. Truthfully, the doctor had already completed the physical and everything checked out fine, he had asked the doctor himself. Then he proceeded to order the doctor not to interrupt as he had some pressing and confidential matters to discuss with the ANBU captain. It was vitally important.
Really, Sasuke was free to leave, but the Uchiha heir didn't know that.
The doctor had looked at him bizarrely, probably because he hadn't been able to wipe the stupid grin off his face.
"How!" The dark haired man felt jealousy rise up within him.
"I have no desire to fuck him," Naruto grinned devilishly, willing himself not to look up and see the shocked expression on the Uchiha's face. There was silence for a moment as he continued to stare at the paper that he had absolutely no interest in.
"Wh-what!" Sasuke sputtered, unable to help himself.
"You heard me Uchiha. I am going to be personally completing your physical."
Sasuke couldn't stop the strange look that crossed his face as his heart pounded thunderously in his ears.
Naruto grinned as he tossed the chart to the side of the room where it hit the wall with a loud clatter. Quickly, he advanced on the stricken Uchiha, roughly grabbing the backs of his thighs before lifting him up and setting him on the large desk.
Sasuke quickly regained control of his senses and yanked the blonde to him, crushing soft lips with his own.
Naruto smirked into the contact, using one hand as support while the other grabbed the gown and tore the flimsy garment from the Uchiha's body.
Sasuke growled as cold air hit his skin when the thin covering was torn away.
Naruto stepped back for a moment, admiring a view that some people would kill for. Sasuke was glowering at him for pulling away, but he wasn't concerned.
After all, he had more important things to worry about than getting beat up by a naked Sasuke. He silently reminded himself to request that Sasuke be in the nude the next time they sparred.
After enough ogling, Naruto quickly returned and attacked the ANBU's neck, shoving him down onto the desk as he climbed up and straddled the avenger.
Sasuke clawed at him like a wildcat, expressing his displeasure at the attempted domination, despite the coarse growls of approval at what Naruto's mouth was doing.
Naruto, however, took this as a challenge. He liked that Sasuke was fighting back, liked the fact that the Uchiha was challenging him for control. It would make it that much sweeter when he took him. Maybe he couldn't tame him, but he would definitely let him know who was boss.
And when that was clear and settled, he'd have so many opportunities to take advantage of it.
Jiraiya had once stated, not too long ago, that he was proud of Naruto. At the time, he had been speaking of Naruto's voyeurism and propensity for perversion.
Naruto winced slightly as Sasuke bit him harshly, but then responded in kind. He lifted his head from the pale and bruising shoulder to press his mouth firmly to the other's, grabbing a jaw and forcing it open before roughly shoving his tongue inside, to immediately duel with another.
The battle ensued as he pressed further in, using his position above the raven-haired man as leverage. He tugged sharply on dark strands, tilting the ANBU's head back to allow further access.
Sasuke snarled as much as he could with his mouth currently occupied as the blonde wrapped his fingers tighter in his hair.
In retaliation, Sasuke grabbed a fistful of hair as well, pulling it harshly to the side, causing the two to break their kiss as Naruto let out a grunt of pain and to send a glare down at him.
Sasuke just smirked before pushing the Hokage off of him and onto the floor, immediately following.
Naruto growled lightly once the tables were turned and Sasuke began running his hands all along the blonde's clothed body while sucking forcefully at the exposed underside of the blonde's chin.
The Kyuubi gripped pale shoulders painfully when those tricky hands found their way up his shirt and began to assault his torso. He arched up as one skimmed over a pert bud, and growled in approval.
However, before Sasuke could repeat the gesture, he suddenly found himself flipped on his back once more, head connecting solidly with the floor as Naruto smirked down at him, grinding his hips into the Uchiha purposefully, before standing up and walking out the door, leaving a very confused ANBU captain lying naked on the floor.
It was when the doctor returned and widened his eyes upon seeing the infamous Uchiha heir stripped and on his back on the floor of the Hokage's office that Sasuke had the presence of mind to get up, glare the doctor out of the room and quickly get dressed.
Seconds later and he was sprinting out of the Hokage's office.
It was a full two hours later after having been led on a wild goose chase that he returned.
He was prevented from entering however by Neji.
"Let me in, Hyuuga," he snarled menacingly, far from being in the mood to allow people to live after he started smashing their faces into some sort of hard surface.
"Hokage's orders. You are not to enter."
"Anyone, or me specifically?"
"Is there a reason why?" he growled.
Neji couldn't keep the smirk from his face. "He said he thought it'd be funny."
Sasuke punched the wall beside the older man's face, cracking the stone with the impact of his fist. "I'm going in, and neither you nor him are going to stop me."
Neji shrugged, not really caring if the Uchiha went inside or not. Especially since Naruto had been laughing rather hard when he gave him the instructions.
Without another word, Sasuke shoved past the Hyuuga and entered the office.
Naruto seemed unsurprised when he burst into the office. The blonde Hokage just looked at him the same way he had always looked at Kakashi whenever the jounin had shown up late.
Sasuke furiously strode up to the desk Naruto sat behind and punched him across the jaw. The blonde head snapped back, but blue eyes turned back to him full of a strange mix of mirth and anticipation.
"Took you long enough."
The dark haired man pulled his fist back again, but Naruto grabbed his wrist and drug him across the desk.
"Hitting a superior is a serious offense, Uchiha. Hitting them twice is worse."
Sasuke allowed his sharingan to flash, but managed to keep himself from attacking as he glared up at the blonde.
"I'll be willing to overlook this transgression under one condition."
"Fuck you, Uzumaki."
"Well, yes, that will come."
Sasuke widened his eyes slightly in surprise, which Naruto took advantage of by pulling the man the rest of the way over his desk. The Uchiha heir barely managed to get his legs underneath himself to avoid falling gracelessly to the floor.
The blonde never relinquished his hold on the pale wrist as he shoved the ebony haired man against a wall, strong hands pushing down forcefully on deceptively slender shoulders.
Sasuke was ready to struggle when one shoulder was released and the distinctive sound of a zipper was heard before he felt fingers roughly grabbing his jaw and forcing it open.
A certain amount of shock flooded his being as he suddenly found his mouth very full.
The link for the rest can be found in my profile.
"Damn," Naruto said, the inability to think coherently currently impeding his speech.
"Yes," Sasuke agreed, always a man of few words.
The lay in silence for a moment, breathing heavily, entangled in each other as sweat covered their bodies.
"You're going to be really sore."
"I mean it."
"It's your fault, idiot!"
Naruto grinned, "You could have said no."
"No, you shoved your cock in my mouth. I couldn't say anything," Sasuke refuted, too tired to put any anger behind his words.
"Yeah, that was hot."
"As soon as I can move, I'm going to kick your ass."
"I wouldn't try it. I mean, you should really wait a couple days. At least until you can move normally."
"You're pretty damn confident, moron."
"Confident enough to take you off duty and deny you missions for a week."
"I don't need a week."
"I'm pretty amazing. You need a week."
Naruto cut him off with a furious tongue intruding into his mouth. He sat up then, and began to redress. Sasuke watched him through heavy lidded eyes, really loathing the idea of moving when every part of his body was screaming at him. Damn defective brain cells. They got him into this.
Naruto found a towel from somewhere and began to clean him off before putting his clothes on him, handling him like he was a porcelain doll. He would have protested but he was tired and he ached everywhere.
"You have a week off from missions and other assignments. Hokage's orders. Blame it on the results of your physical." The idiot blonde grinned in victory.
He glared his disapproval.
"Don't forget Uchiha, you are my bitch now, in more ways the one." To emphasize his point, he smacked the ANBU's ass.
Sasuke fought the wince the action brought.
"I'm not your bitch, moron."
"Sure you are. You fight like a wildcat, but I definitely just made you my bitch in one more way."
"If I could move, I would kill you."
"If you could move, I'd fuck you again."
There were times when Sasuke really hated the other man's stamina… and his stupid brain cells that were telling him that it really couldn't hurt that bad if he went another round. He chose to ignore them.
"Help me up, dobe."
"Sure thing, bastard."
Naruto helped to pick the other man up, who managed to stand on his own, albeit on shaky legs. The offer to carry him was met with a fierce glare.
Slowly, the dark haired man made it out of the office, Naruto slowly following behind, ready to reach out and make a spectacular catch at a moment's notice.
When they opened the door and stepped out into the hall, Neji couldn't quite keep the smirk from his face. It shamelessly turned into a full-fledged grin when Naruto tugged at Sasuke's shirt, showing off the marks he had made with proud, vocalized exclamations.
The Uchiha heir did his best to glare heatedly as he was propped against the wall. It held little effect.
"I made this one here when I slammed him into my desk…" Naruto said, pointing out another bruise.
Neji struggled very hard not to laugh.
"I'm sorry Neji."
"For what?" the Hyuuga heir asked the Hokage, still effectively ignoring the Uchiha slumped in the corner.
"I know how badly you wanted me to take you on my desk, but I'm afraid I can only have one mistress… er… mister… at a time. Though this really is too bad. I guess we really won't be seeing any more Uchiha's running around. Since Sasuke is definitely gay, you know."
A smack to the back of the head only caused the blonde to smile widely.
"I shall try my best to impregnate him, anyway."
Neji choked on a laugh.
Naruto was hit in the head again.
"He's a wildcat, but I like that. I've never had such a good blow job."
At this point, Neji's face reddened a bit.
"As soon as he recovers, I think I'll take him over the desk… Then I can have him hide under the desk and suck me off all day long! Doesn't that sound like fun, Sasuke?"
The answer was a kick in the groin, the movement which had both men on the ground, one whimpering from the pain in front, one grimacing from the pain in back.
A muttered, "Definitely have to be asexual," was heard from the floor below.
Neji sighed and turned away from the sight, pretending he didn't know either one.
A/N: Is it just me or does it have a different feel from the last one? Maybe because it's twenty freaking pages long! It just wouldn't end.
At least I got to beat Sasuke up in a way that he would have a tough time explaining.