Yami Hawk (A corny reproduction)

Yo, I'm at it again, with the help of my cousin, who's just as crazy as me! Only this time it's worse! I've taken a great movie and reduced it to this, a fanfic! Oi, well anyway I guess if you're not sure what I'm ranting about, I'll tell you. This is loosely based on a movie called Lady hawk. Now I'd tell what it was about but then you'd know what my story is about so, if you know great, if you don't, well you'll figure it out.

Disclaimer: Do I look like a rich, middle aged (I think) Japanese man? No, I don't think so.

Warning: There will be Yaoi, (as is all the fics I write.) Honda & Anzu bashing (light so don't have a heart attack) I also will have random author's comments but don't worry there not like every paragraph. I hate that.

Quick notes: Joey in the English version is named Jonouchi (or Jono) and Tristin is Honda, Tea is Anzu. Marik is Malik and Yami Marik is just plain Marik. Everyone else has the same name as they do in the show.

On with the story!


"I still don't think this is a good idea . . ." Yami said try to convince Yugi to release him from his punishment. Taking Marik and Bakura to a movie was not exactly his vision of a good time.

"I don't care, this is what you get for your behaviour from earlier!" Yugi yelled at him. "You went out of your way to annoy Kaiba today . . .and for no reason!"

"Oh I had a reason . . ." Yami said as flashback music began playing.

Flashback

You see Yami throwing paper airplanes at Kaiba, specifically at his head. Kaiba was not amused by this antic even though various other people were; even the teacher had a chuckle. The paper airplanes would land in his hair, Kaiba's eye would twitch and he'd crumble the paper, much to Yami's dismay.

Bakura and Marik would kill themselves laughing at the entire scene, and Yugi would glare at his Yami while Ryou gave a disapproving shake to his head, (but not without a little smile) and Malik would chuckle. Honda was busy being an idiot. Jono was . . . sleeping and Anzu was talking to herself about friendship, because no one else in their right mind would listen to her.

Yami glared/pouted since Kaiba would keep crumbling his airplanes. They had an important message for him, the idiot! Why wouldn't he just read them?

"Baka . . ." Yami murmured. He then got a brilliant idea, if paper airplanes wouldn't do the trick, then he'd use the only thing Kaiba did understand . . . technology! I mean he was madly typing away at his laptop. Then a thought struck his mind. "Itai . . .that hurt, damn thoughts, you'd think they'd be a little nicer when entering." (Niffe: Dirty thought just ran through my brain.) Yami realized, after he got over the initial pain, "Crap! Not only do I not have anything I could use, but even if I did I wouldn't know how to use it!" He pondered this before he spotted Anzu's, brightly, stands-out-like-a-sore-thumb, pink cell phone. He had seen her use it plenty of times, it shouldn't be too difficult. He used his shadow powers to levitate it over to him. He looked at it closely, trying to decipher it before mentally throwing his hands up and giving up to just pressing random buttons till he got somewhere (Niffe: I do this a lot) He, after many failed attempts, finally got to the text messaging, e-mail thingy and sent Kaiba a message.

Kaiba blinked in surprise when he got the message. He checked to see whom it was from, and seeing it was from Yami he promptly deleted it. He figured Yami had gotten bored with the airplanes and had resorted to other methods. It didn't even come to mind the fact that Yami couldn't use technology if his life depended on it. (Niffe: I know Yami can actually use technology but I thought it would be funny if he didn't, at least for this fic)

Yami nearly ripped his hair out in frustration. It had taken him forever to send him that e-mail and Yugi made Yami give the cell phone back, even if Anzu was still oblivious to the fact that it had even gone missing. Back on topic, now Yami had to talk to Kaiba in person, which is the last thing he wanted to do . . .

End Flashback with fading music

"I love that music." Yami said happily.

Yugi looked at him oddly (as he hadn't heard anything.) "I don't care what your excuse is Yami! You're going to do this whether you like it or not.

Yami groaned. "Aibou."

"Don't you Aibou me!" Yugi said in that annoyed mother tone. "You're doing it no matter what!"

Yami sighed. There was no getting out of it, he was stuck.

Later that evening

"And make sure he doesn't eat anything he's not suppose to and make sure he takes his medicine and . . ." Malik was listing off all the things for Yami so he could take care of Marik.

Yami sighed, this was going to be a long night. "I get it, I get it, Sheesh Malik! I'm not incompetent!"

"I know but I don't want another article in the paper about a rabid freak eating all the squirrels and making war with the lawn gnomes." Malik said and sighed.

"Good times, good times." Marik said with a reminiscing grin.

"You're a freak." Bakura growled at him.

"You're a bigger one!" Marik said and stuck his tongue out at him.

"I'm not the one who tries to eat squirrels." Bakura said and stuck his tongue out too.

Marik sniffled. "Pharaoh! Bakura's being mean to me!" Marik said, and broke down into sobs.

'This is going to be a looooooooong night." Yami said with a sigh.

Malik and Ryou smiled, and chorused together, "Have a good night!"

Yami could swear he heard evil cackling as he walked away from Malik's house . . .

At the movies

"I'm hungry! I have to go pee! I don't like this movie - it's too scary. I don't like this movie - it's too babyish." Non-stop complaining from the moment they got there. Life was a living hell, one the hikaris put him through. He wanted to die . . .or at least be unconscious for the rest of the evening.

"Hmm, maybe those two will push me down the stairs and I'll go into a coma for the next three months." Yami looked at them. No such luck, they were actually being quiet, for a moment at least. "Well maybe I'll get the peace I want." Yami thought as he laid his head back and closed his eyes. It wasn't hard for him to fall asleep, the movie was a corny 70's movie from America, something hawk, he didn't care as he quickly fell asleep. (Niffe: I do actually like the movie Lady Hawk, it's good and you should go watch it!)

The other two noticed this of course but Marik didn't care, he was to enthralled with the movie. The concept of two lovers never being able to meet, because of a curse that turned them into animals: the man turned into a wolf during the night, and the woman, a hawk by day.

Bakura, of course, could care less about the corny movie, and decided to play with the people in the audience instead. At first he tested the limit of Yami's sleep, and when satisfied with that fact that the Pharaoh was deep asleep, he began . . .

He threw popcorn at a couple making out in the front row. Of course whenever they looked to see who was doing it he ducked behind the chairs. He then did it again quite a few more times till he got bored, and then began throwing it at random other people. That is till security came and dragged his screaming ass out the door. Yami awoke (sort of) to the screaming, saw Bakura being dragged off, shrugged, and promptly went back to sleep. Bakura of course popped up a few moments later, armed with more popcorn.

Yami awoke for a second at the presence of his hated enemy, "What are you doing back? I thought you were dragged off."

"I was… but it's me, Bakura, if you couldn't get rid of me for the last five thousand six hundred and twenty one years, why the hell would you think two lowly movie security officers could?" Bakura asked him.

"Has it really been that long?" Yami asked.

"Yep! Our anniversary! You going to get me a gift?" Bakura asked.

"Like I would, you don't deserve it, you're nothing but a whore!" Yami yelled at him.

Bakura started to cry. "Y-You never cared, you just used me!" He burst into tears.

Yami glared. "No, I saw you with my cousin's brother's aunt!"

"No I swear! It wasn't what you think! I did it, I did it for you!" Bakura said in tears.

Yami gasped. "What! But I thought!"

"No . . .it's true, I'm carrying your baby." Bakura said with a smile full of tears.

"Oh I love you!" Yami cried, and hugged him.

Bakura hugged him back. There were wild cheers from the audience and applause. Yami and Bakura blinked and looked at them. "Weird . . ." they said in union.

"Did you just feel like you were stuck in a soap opera?" Bakura asked Yami.

"Ya, strange huh?" Yami answered him.

"Shh! It's getting to the best part!" Marik snarled at them.

Bakura and Yami shrugged and ate popcorn.

After the Movie

"I'm huuuungry . . ." Marik complained for the millionth time.

"I know, we're going home. So stop whining before I beat you with your own legs!" Yami yelled at him. (Niffe: chuckle I love that threat)

"I'm hungry too Pharaoh and there's a McDonalds. Let's stop there." Bakura said, "It'll stop his whining, and I'll pay."

"You'll pay? How?" Yami asked suspiciously.

"I have money . . ." Bakura answered.

"What money? You don't have any, unless you mean…." It dawned on Yami what Bakura meant. As Yami came to his conclusion Bakura only confirmed it when he pulled out Ryou's wallet. "That's not you're money, that's your aibou's!" Yami yelled at him accusingly.

"You know it is technically my money too, you know, me being the other half of his soul." Bakura quickly countered.

"There is that to consider Pharaoh." Marik jumped into support Bakura's theory, mainly because he wanted food.

"Your opinion doesn't count." Yami said to Marik. "But I do want at least a slight revenge on at least one of them for sticking me with you two."

"Yay! Marik gets fed!" Marik said in glee and ran into the McDonalds.

Yami sighed. "At least this night can't get any worse." He was about to eat those words, because as he entered the restaurant (if you can call it that) he saw his worse nightmare.

Nothing in the world could have prepared him for what he saw.

Nothing.

Nata.

Nope, nothing.

Marik got him out of his stupor when he heard him yell, "Kaiba!"

"Ahh!" What is he doing here? I thought he hated places like this!" Yami said rapidly to himself as he ducked behind the condiments

"Kaiba! Kaiba KaibaKaibaKaibaKaibaKaiba!" Marik chanted.

Yami sighed, he knew he had to stop Marik before the worst happened. He quickly pulled out some cover up and looked in the mirror to examine himself, so that he wouldn't look stupid. Especially in front of him. Yami sighed dreamily. Kaiba, the hunk and rival he had so diligently fought against before. Yami shook off his daydreams and steeled himself.

Bakura had of course been watching the entire time. To him this was a never-ending source of entertainment. "So that's why the Pharaoh kept bugging Kaiba." Bakura thought. "Oh this is too precious."

Yami walked over to where the cooks were trying to fight off Marik. He sighed to himself. Well, if he pulled this off smoothly he was sure Kaiba would be impressed.

"Marik! Get down NOW!" Yami yelled at Marik—not in one of those 'mother-yelling-at-their-kid' tones but a tone worthy of a Pharaoh.

Unfortunately that did not work for Marik. "No! I don't wanna!" He yelled down at Yami. He was hanging off a ceiling fan.

"Marik . . ." Yami said with a growl and a glare.

Marik 'Eeped' and jumped off the fan, and sat down near Bakura.

Yami smiled in satisfaction and looked to see if Kaiba had seen him. He noticed however, that Kaiba had sat down, and had completely ignored what just happened. Yami nearly cried. "That-that- THAT UNCARING, MUSHROOM HEADED BRUTE!" Yami not so quietly seethed.

Marik and Bakura watched in slight amusement/awe. "Wow, the Pharaoh's pissed." Marik stated.

"That's cuz he was trying to impress Kaiba." Bakura stated matter-of-factly.

"Really?" Marik asked. "I thought he was pissed at me."

"Well that's one part of it." Bakura said.

"I'm dead!" Marik whined.

"Not if we can do something about it." Bakura suggested.

"WE?" Marik asked confused.

"Yes, now let's send little red riding Yami over to the Kaiba." Bakura said with a smirk.

Yami stomped over to them and glared as he sat down. "Kaiba no baka." He muttered.

"Pharaoh . . ." Bakura purred.

"What!" Yami snapped.

Bakura gulped, as an angry Yami is not something fun to deal with, but continued anyways. "Why don't you go and see him."

"Why? WHY? Because he's an idiot and a waste of my time!" Yami seethed.

"But I think he needs to be taught a lesson . . ." Marik suggested.

"A . . .lesson?" Yami asked, confused.

"Yes Pharaoh, a lesson. A lesson in pain . . ." Bakura finished for Marik.

"Oh? What do you think I should do?" Yami said, and then rethought what he had just said, "Wait, never mind, I don't want to know."

Bakura and Marik shared twin evil grins. "Pharaoh . . ." They said in unison.

It was Yami's turn to 'eep'.

Both of their smiles became eviler.

Yami stood. "Fine! But don't you two do anything stupid."

"We won't." Bakura said with that same evil smirk.

Yami sighed and walked over to the Kaibas. He coughed to get Kaiba's attention. "Kaiba?"

Kaiba looked up. "Yes?" He asked Yami.

Yami's heart nearly fluttered away. "A-Ah, Hello?" Real smart Yami, real smart . . .

Kaiba raised an elegant brow to him. "Hello to you too."

Yami stammered. He didn't want to seem stupid. Not that he didn't appear so already. "Ah, Kaiba, I, um."

Seto smirked. "This is amusing. A nervous Yami." He thought.

Yami sighed; this was not going to be easy.

Even though the gods seemed to be laughing at Yami (and they were) they did still want to help, Sort of . . . Just then Mokuba decided to have a part in 'helping' Yami. "I'm going to go play in the kids area." Mokuba told his big brother. As he walked towards it he pulled the two spies (coughMarik and Bakura) into the play place as well. Not that Marik was complaining.

Yami looked at Seto and vica-verca each sizing each other up. Which for Yami was a bit more difficult even with Seto sitting down.

"Damn my height." Yami thought. Infuriating Kaiba! He was just sitting there all self possessed and condescending. Yami could see it in his eyes, his big gorgeous blue eyes… Yami shook his head. Now was not the time to be spacing off, especially because Kaiba was wondering what he was doing here, and why he was just kind of standing there like an idiot. "So Kaiba, What are you doing at a McDonald's? I thought they were too 'low-class' for you."

Kaiba just looked at him and coolly answered, "Mokuba wanted a happy meal toy."

Yami was just about to issue a stinging retort when he remembered why he was here. "Kaiba… can I talk to you alone?"

Just then they heard several crashes coming from the play place…

"Push me Bakura, I'm stuck!" came Marik's voice floating over the restaurant. In the course of Marik's adventures in the play place he had decided that it was a wise idea to stop playing in the ball pit and attempt to go down a slide built for 10 year olds. Of course he discovered why there was an age limit on the door when his 17 year old body got stuck going head first down the slide, and we mean really stuck.

"Harder Bakura! HARDER!" he screamed as Bakura tried ramming his shoulder into Marik's ass trying to make it budge. A variety of other sounds issued from the play place including grunts and 'ahhs' that reminded everyone in the restaurant (yes, even Mokuba) of a cheesy porno flick.

Bakura finally remedied the situation by sending the play place to the shadow realm and he, Marik and 12 other little kiddies fell unceremoniously 3 feet to the ground. The little kiddies all went running, and crying back to their mommies. Bakura and Marik went running and crying back to Yami. By the time all of this had transpired Yami had turned five shades of red and was fit to be tied. Any hope of impressing Kaiba had gone to the shadow realm along with the play place. The only thing he could do was gather up his broken dignity, and drag the two idiots out the door with him.

Kaiba followed him to the door and once they had gotten outside he stopped Yami. "If you want to talk, come by my office tomorrow." with that he climbed into his waiting limo with Mokuba, and drove away.

Yami was in shock, and nearly in tears. He stood gazing after the limo for a while till he remembered the source of his problems, and beat Marik and Bakura into a living pulp on the sidewalk.


So, that's the first chappy, write if you want more. Even if you don't I'll probably continue anyways, I'm just that crazy!

Yami: Why am after Kaiba, I don't even like the guy

Kaiba: I'm not too fond of you either

Well stop whining, you're not really 'together' but you are, I don't know. You'll see it as it comes

Kaiba: Right