"Oh, but the woe! The horror! The travesty! Why have you forsaken me, you whom I have served over countless generations? What have I done? Why do you torture me so? Why is it always…"

"Master, would you put a cork in it? You only won by three points."

Qui-Gon peeked out from under his arm where his head was currently buried, stretched out on his back in a cliché "I'm dying" pose. "That's three points that means the Force hates me more than you, Obi."

"Actually, it wasn't me you beat by three points You had five more than me."


"Try again."


"Beat me by twelve and a half points, you did."

"…then who did I beat by three points?"

"That kid."


Qui-Gon turned to see a young…well, a young biped, anyway, with red and black facial tattoos and horns, looking quite relaxed, lounging in black robes with the black hilt of a double-bladed lightsaber clipped to his belt.

"…who are you, exactly?"

"Name's Maul." he replied, extending a hand, which Qui-Gon shook cheerfully. "Good to meet you."

"So…the Force hates you, too?"

"Seems like."

"Ah. Well, no surprise there."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it seems hell-bent on hating everyone else, too."



"When did you get here, anyway?

"The Force transported me here seventeen and a half minutes ago to play this game while leaving me invisible to you, but with just enough awareness on your part that you would realize you won by three points, thereby asking who beat you by three points, thereby revealing my presence, which was the goal all along."




"Because the Force really does hate you, and asked me to come here and prove it."

"Honestly? The Force hates me that much, that it set this up specifically for this?"

"So it would seem."

"Damn. Well, how are you going to prove it hates me the most?"

"Like this."

Maul cheerfully whipped out his 'saber and sliced Qui-Gon in half. Reacting almost as fast, Obi-wan did the same to Maul.

Silence permeated the garden.














"Hey!" Obi-wan noticed suddenly. "That's worth one point! I'm in the lead! Whoo! The Force hates me most, the Force hates me most..."


Unless someone wants to see Maul or another character spontaneously show up and win, that's the end. Thanks much for the encouragement, and may the Force be with you (If you think that's wise…).