Disclaimer: Don't own Devil May Cry. If did, would not be desperate to know the answer to the eternal question, "What was Jester ON?"

Because Trish is more than a sex object.


The first independent thought it had was 'Wheeeee!'

It then scanned its memory banks to see if its programming contained any more occasions for Whee!

Its second independent thought was 'Fuck!' It could find no meaning for this phrase in its databanks, and therefore ignored it.

It then scanned (looked) at the location it had been dropped into, the dropping occasioning the 'Whee!'

There was target: Devilmaycry, but there was an anomaly. There was an object (a thing) present that was not in the target description. An unanticipated object was a possible threat-to-mission!

Analyze thing: reflects light in –this- manner 'red!shiiiiny!' and has wheels and is –this- high.

There was no accurate description in its database. Why was there not? Because DarknessMundus had not anticipated this object being present. DarknessMundus was all-knowing, perfecttobeworshipped, the programming said.

Programming… incorrect?


Scan motorcycle in databanks. Motorcyclehuman mode of transportation. Objectnot threat, not partofmission. Ignore.

Where had data 'motorcycle' come from? Not in programming. Additional informationgreater chance of success.


Programming said go to target:Devilmaycry find Enemy:SonofSparda.


According to unknowndatasource, therefore Programming'bloodystupid'

If Programming'bloodystupid', then sourceofprogrammingDarknessMundus'bloodystupid'!

If DarknessMundus'bloodystupid', follow Programming? Yes/No?


Follow Programming (stupid orders) of DarknessMundus (male chauvanist pig!) despite 'bloodystupidness' and negativeoutcome Yes/No?

Outcome of ProgrammingwillbedestroyedbyDarknessMundus once Enemy:SonofSparda destroyednegativeoutcome!

'Damned if I do, damned if I don't.'

Programming completedcertaindestruction

Programming notcompleted!uncertaindestruction


Therefore DarknessMundusenemy!

Redefine: Enemy:DarknessMundus

Cancel Priority:ObeyDarknessMundus

Add Priority:Survive

Add Priority:DestroyDarknessMundus

Add Priority:experienceWhee!

Strength of –this- (Me) insufficient to destroy Enemy:DarknessMundus

'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.'

Enemy:SonofSpardaenemy of Enemy:DarknessMundus'friend':SonofSpardaYes/No?


Cancel Mission:seduceSonofSparda

'Hell yeah!'

Format Mission:teststrengthofSonofSparda

'What about the motorcycle?'

Revise mission.

Execute Mission:'ride motorcycle' and 'make things go boom' whiletestingstrengthofSonofSparda

Mission results:

'Bwah ha ha ha!'positiveoutcome

'Motorcycle! Nooooooooo!'negativeoutcome

'Such power…'Yay!

Mission successful.

Add Priority:experienceBwahhahaha!

Cancel Priority:DestroySonofSparda

Cancel Mission:lureunsuspectingSonofSpardatoMalletIslandtobekilled

Execute Mission:tellSonofSpardaDarknessMundusattemptingtoreviveandasktostop

Mission success!