Chapter 14: attempt


We had already been traveling for two days. It seemed like the closer we got to the well, the more I wanted to turn and run all the back to Sesshomaru's castle.

While we walked Kagome and Sango tried to start conversations with me but I just kept my answers short. Inuyasha, I could tell, was getting frustrated with me.

"Why the hell are you being so rude wench!" he yelled at me, "We are doing you a stinking favor here and you are being just rude!"

I couldn't help it. I started to cry.

He was right, I was a jerk.

Kagome glared at Inuyasha, "Sit!"

The rosary around his neck glowed and then he went plummeting to the ground.

Kagome wrapped her arm around my shoulder, "Shh, it's ok. I'm sorry he's such a jerk."

I shook my head, "It's not him. He's right I am a jerk. It's just…"

Miroku handed me a handkerchief and I wiped away some of my tears.

"It's just what?" Sango asked softly.

"He never said goodbye," I whispered softly, "When I left I was mad at him. And now I'll never see him again."

"Who never said goodbye?" Shippo asked from his perch on Kagome's shoulder.

"Sesshomaru," I replied.

They all gasped.

What? Did I swear or something? What's with the gasps?

Inuyasha looked taken aback, "You mean you actually care about what that jerk does?"

"Hey! Don't call him that he is NOT a jerk!" I yelled in Sesshomaru's defense, "Ok, he may be cold at times but he has always been good too me!…well, almost always."

Miroku smirked as he put his arm around Sango's waist, "So you have fallen in love with him then?"

Everyone looked at me, expecting an answer.

I didn't know what to say.

Did I love him?

I pictured his face in my mind. His cold eyes looked at me with a hidden emotion that I only saw when he looked at me. His silver hair blew softly across his soft cheeks. One of the hairs stuck to his lips. I remembered our kiss and a shiver went through me.

Oh god.

I did love him…

But how did he feel about me?


Rin, Jaken and I were sitting at the table, eating in silence.

Rin's eyes were still red and puffy from crying. She hadn't touched her food yet, she merely poked at it and moved it around her plate while sighing.

Even Jaken wasn't his big mouthed self tonight. He ate his food at least, but they were small forced bites. After a few mouthfuls he gave up and pushed his plate to the side.

"Rin, eat your food," I said quietly.


I looked up at her in shock.

Had she just said no to me? She had never before shown defiance with me.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, setting my cup on the table and looking at her.

She raised her small head to me. New tears filled her eyes and she had a scowl on her face.

"You let Megan leave!" she yelled and for once I was speechless, "She was my big sister and you just let her go! I love her and I know that you do too!"

"Rin, that is ridiculous, I --"

"I saw you kissing her!" she yelled.

They room went so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop from the other end of the castle. Jaken had turned white an immediately passed out cold.

So it hadn't been a dream? I had thought that maybe the hair had be coincidence but…it had been real? My chest tightened and for the first time in my life I felt guilty and a loss that I couldn't describe. It felt as though my heart was rotting away within me.

Rin was right.

I had let her go.

"The day she left she came running out of the library looking very sad!" Rin continued, "I know you said something mean to her! She cried and cried the whole time she packed to leave!"

Rin stopped talking and broke down into tears.

I wanted to kill myself, come back to life, and kill myself again for making her cry.

Standing up I went around the table and took the sobbing child into my arms. I pulled her close to my chest and stroked her hair as she cried.

I don't know how long we just sat there, Rin in my arms. It felt good to hold her, to comfort her. It felt good to care.

A few minutes later I looked down to see that Rin was fast asleep.

Taking her to her room and tucking her into bed I kissed her softly on the forehead.

Then I left to find Jaken.

He was still in the dining room, but by now he had woken up.

"What is it my Lord?" he asked as I walked in.

"Take care of Rin. I will be gone for the next week."

Jaken nodded, "What do you intend to do my Lord?"

"I'm going to go and make things right," I said softly.


"You love Sesshomaru?" Inuyasha asked, "how could you love him! He's a total ass!"

Ignoring that last comment I said, "What's so wrong about that?"

"It's impossible! That guy doesn't have feelings! He doesn't love you back you know!" Inuyasha countered.

I felt as though a knife had just pierced my heart. How could he say that?

I looked at Kagome for reassurance that nothing he was saying was true, but she just looked at me sadly. When I looked at the other they all had the same look on their faces.

They were right… who was I kidding? How could he love someone like me?

I bowed my head in defeat, "What do I do?" I asked softly.

Kagome sighed, "Go home. You have a life back in our time, don't give it up for him."

My heart lurched at the thought. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to be with him.

But what choice did I have? I didn't belong here.

"How much farther to the well?" I asked, drying my tears.

"A little less then an hour away. We should be there by nightfall," Kagome said.


Using my tail as a cloud like transportation I scanned the ground for any sign of her.

"She must be getting close. They have a two day head start." I said to myself.

Willing myself to go faster I raced across the sky.

I had to find her.

I had to get to her in time to tell her the truth…

But I was running out of time.


I looked across the clearing at the well that would take me home. It looked like a normal enough well I guess. There was some over grown roots that twisted around it, but otherwise it was just wood.

"No way!" Inuyasha yelled, "There is no way that I am giving her a jewel shard!"

"Inuyasha! She needs it to get through the well!" Kagome yelled back.


"Don't make me say it!" she threatened.

Inuyasha shrunk back, not wanting to have to kiss the ground again.

He growled in defeat and handed Kagome a shard, "Fine."

Kagome smiled and stood beside me. She handed me a small shard of a pink jewel.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"It's a piece of the shikon jewel," she explained, "It will allow you to pass through the other side of the well. When you get to the other side, just leave it by the well and I will get it later."

I nodded and approached the well. I looked down into it. I couldn't see the bottom, it was deep.

Looking back at the others I waved softly and then sat on the edge of the well, prepared to take the jump.


I could smell her. She was close. Just a few more minutes…


Taking a deep breath and grasping the jewel tightly, I closed my eyes…

And jumped.