Even Darkness Loves

Sorry to disappoint, but I don't own any of it. Though, my birthday's in a couple of months. (hint, hint)

Chapter One: Lost

Different. That's all Spike could really say. They're just... different. How on earth could he have bloody missed it! It was just standing right there, taunting him, and he just didn't even bloody notice! All of it. Love, Devotion, Happiness. All, just within his grasp, but no. His thoughts were all filled up with thoughts of another. Another that smelled like her, felt like her. No, that's not even sodding right! They're different. If I just focused I could have told the difference. She, my goddess, smells like darkness, like flowers, like chocolate, like oh so sweet blood! Everything good in the world!... Though, in retrospect, I 'spose that'd only be 'good' for a vampire.

Anyway, she also feels as smooth as silk, as comfortable as satin. The other though, she smells like filth. Of hollowness and all things just plain wrong. She felt like Death. Like a corpse, just decaying away. 'cept with her, it was from the inside out.

Dawn was drawn to the Darkness because she was Darkness. Slayer was drawn because of her "duties". Yeah, right.

I remember the 'Bit coming over, and I'd tell her stories about the good-'ol-days. She wouldn't look at me with horror, like the Slayer would, she looked at me in awe. She knew that even though I had the chip, I was still evil. Still Bad.

The Slayer. I can't believe I thought I was in love with her. Can't believe I... God, now it'll be a bloody miracle if my sweet goddess, Dawn, wants me. Bloody hell, I'M SO STUPID!

'spose, maybe, I always knew. Never thought I could love the Slayer. Guess I was right. I just loved her sister. But she was only a sodding child! Barely fourteen. Never was one for the kiddies, that was always Angelus's gig. So, I guess I buried myself in the Slayer. Buffy. Thought it would be better than having a crush on a little ickle kiddy. Must've somehow convinced myself it was true. That I did love Buffy. And now that I know the truth, it's too late. Way too late. She's not a kid anymore. She's eighteen. God, she bloody eighteen! and one day I wake up and realize 'hey! I love her!' and then I realize three sodding seconds later that I know absolutely nothing about her entire bloody life! I hadn't had a decent conversation with her since she was fourteen. Four years of absolutely nothing! Not a sodding bit! and now it's too late. and now she's gone.

College, education. 'sposed to help you, right? That's what it's bloody there for, right? 'course, i always knew school was evil. Taking my Bit away from me. 'Harvard is the best' yada, yada, yada. Nothing that takes me from my Nibblet is 'the best!' Then again, 'spose I can't rightly call her mine, can I? Bloody Hell, I've fucked up bad.

Tonight's her last night in Sunnyhell. Might as well stop in. Probably much better than moping around here, anyway. Yeah, I'll stop in, wish her a good life, pretend it's not bloody cutting me up inside! yeah, it's the least i can do now. wish her a good life... right after I sober up.

AN- what-da-ya think? I'm not planning on making this long, maybe just three chapters. I might do a sequel if you really like it.