Author's Note: Boo! Did I surprise you? Betcha weren't expecting a new chapter to this so soon after the last one, didja? And I bet you weren't expecting one that I managed to finish in less than one day! I certainly didn't expect to finish this up so soon, but considering that today is the tenth anniversary of the day the Nintendo 64 was released in North America, I figured, why not churn out a new chapter of King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof 2? So I did, and all in like six hours! Especially surprising, considering that my BitTorrent download of the series didn't pick up this episode, and thus I had to use the low-quality file at YoshiArt(dot)com for reference. As you may have read on Wikipedia, this episode is apparently proof of how insane Mario's cartoon writers must have been. But I'd better shut up and let you read this now.
"Kootie Pie Rocks"
This episode opened in a rather unusual fashion. What made it unusual was that the title was just superimposed over the first shot of the episode instead of over a world map screenshot. Nevertheless, it was evening in the Mushroom Kingdom, and once the title disappeared, the camera panned down to show the youngest of the original seven Koopalings, Larry Kinglive "Cheatsy" Koopa, climbing a ladder up to a window of Princess Peach's castle. Luckily, it was not for the reason that would come to one's mind when thinking of a guy climbing up to a girl's window.
"Hmmm, I wonder what those pesky Mario Bros. are up to," Larry stated the obvious to himself.
Looking through the window like a peeping tom, Larry could see Toad fitting Mario into a red tuxedo that was the same color as his hat. "Not so tight, ya little runt!" Mario was yelling.
"It ain't my fault, Mario!" Toad, who was wearing a formal version of his usual outfit, grunted. "I wouldn't have dis trouble if ya didn't like eatin' Italian food so much!"
As Mario sucked in his gut, Luigi, also wearing a tuxedo colored like his headgear, walked in. "I don't get it. Whenever the Princess throws one of her fancy shindigs like in Paper Mario, we can come as we are, so why is it, tonight, we have to put on these penguin suits?"
"I really don't know how to answer dat, Luigi," Toad replied, "but if da Princess is gettin' dressed up for whatever it is is goin' on tonight, den we're gonna dress up too!"
At that point, they heard Princess Peach shouting "I'm ready!" from offscreen. They looked up the staircase and saw that Peach was dressed not very Princess-like. She was wearing pink jeans with holes that showed her knees, and a white bootleg sweatshirt. Of course, she was still wearing the royal crown, but the way she was so scantily clad was enough for Toad to do a fall face-first on the floor. She slid down the banister and Mario was quick enough to catch her just as she got to the end. "Say, why are you all dressed up so formally? We're not going to the Fantasia Symphony orchestra."
The Mario Bros. glared at Toad. "Sorry guys," he said. "Even after five previous episodes dat involved it, I still can't figure out da Real World's customs! I also can't figure out why we keep implyin' dat we somehow know we're video game characters!"
Mario rolled his eyes. "Anyway, Peach, remind me again, who're we going to see?"
"Can't you read my shirt?" answered Peach. "We're going to see my favorite Real World band ever - Milli Vanilli!"
"Milli Vanilli? But they're not--" Mario's response was cut short by Luigi slapping his hand over his mouth.
"Quiet, Mario! It's technically 1990; no one knows that yet!" Luigi faced the cameraman and said, "Boy, does that feel good."
Mario uncovered his mouth. "Well, if you wanna see 'em, Princess, that's fine and dandy, but why do you have to drag us along?"
"Because I'm visiting the Real World," Peach explained, "but I'm wary. There's a guy out there who calls himself Sigurd, and he seems to be under the impression that I'm a real person. And what's worse, I think he wants to rape me! Therefore, I need you to be my bodyguard," she directly addressed Mario, "like always."
Toad glared. "So what does dat make me? Chopped fungus?"
"Uh, how exactly are we supposed to get to this concert, Princess?" Luigi asked. "I don't think there are really any warp pipes leading from here to New York City. And how'd you get the tickets to the concert anyway?"
"Shut up, Luigi!" said Peach. "The writer doesn't care about answering those questions!"
Outside, Larry was a bit surprised. "What are they talking about? 'Milli Vanilli concert'? Maybe Kootie Pie will know!"
Just then, Toadsworth, who was tending to the royal garden by clipping the hedges, cut the base of the ladder Larry was standing on, and he fell right onto the ground below. As soon as he recovered, Larry snuck off back to Darkland.
Upon his return to Bowser's castle, Larry immediately found Koot--I mean, Wendy and asked her if she knew anything about this Milli Vanilli concert that he had heard the good guys discussing. But instead of getting an answer, what Larry did was cause his only sister to start throwing things out the window, just like at her birthday party, and yelling unintelligible gibberish.
Bowser happened to walk in as this was going on, considering that it was his throne room in which this incident was happening. "Hmph, I might've known you were behind this racket, Kootie Pie," he said.
"DON'T CALL ME KOOTIE PIE!" Wendy screamed.
Bowser scowled at Larry. "Cheeeeatsyyyy! I suppose you have a good explanation for why she has interrupted my viewing of my illegally-burned DVD of 'Superman Returns'!"
"It wasn't my fault, King Dad!" Larry really didn't want his dad to hit him. "All I did was tell her that I overheard the good guys talking about a Milli Vanilli concert or something like that, and then BOOM! Please don't hurt me, dad!"
"Wait, you're telling me the good guys are going to a concert?" Bowser responded.
"Yes, King Daddyins!" whined Wendy. "Why does that prissy Princess Peach pet--I mean, get to go to a Real World concert, and not me? Aren't you always telling us that you are the most powerful king there ever was, and I am your favorite, only daughter, hmm?"
"Actually, Koo--er, Wendy, I've never really actually said that, not even when it seemed like I was. At least not the first part, although technically the second part is true since you are my only dau--OH HOLY CRAP! NOT MY THRONE!" Bowser dove out of the way of his throne as Wendy threw it with her bare freakin' hands. He ended up bumping his head on a nearby suit of armor that he had placed there for no apparent reason. "Oww! Why did I keep this around?"
"Don't you dare try to get on my good side!" Wendy barked.
"But he wasn't doing that, Wendy," said Larry, not noticing that his head had turned orange again.
"I don't care what he was doing!" Wendy pitched a fit. "I wanna see Milli Vanilli! I WANNA, I WANNA, I WANNA!"
Looks like there's only one way I can get her to stop this... Bowser thought before speaking aloud. "Yes, babycakes, not only will you get to see Silly Thawilly..."
"Milli Vanilli!" Wendy corrected.
"...But you'll get to keep Billy Danilly for your very own!"
"MILLI VANILLI!" Wendy and Larry corrected in unison, nearly breaking King Koopa's eardrums.
"Wait," Wendy said by herself, "did you just say I could keep Milli Vanilli?"
"Yes I did!" said Bowser. "Despite the fact that you blamed me for your loss at taking over America, screwed up trying to distract the Marios from my oil-stealing scheme, stole the Plotdevice Wand from me, and tried to run away, I'm going to kidnap this Villy Manilli for you!"
"Oh thank you so much, daddykins!" Wendy pranced about. "You're too cool! I better go change. And it's Milli Vanilli!"
"You sure know how to cool her off, King Daddykums!" said Larry once his sister had skipped away. "Good luck with the kidnapping!"
Bowser pulled Larry up to him. "Oh no, I'm not goin' by myself! You're comin' with me!"
"Wait, why do I have to come along?" Larry complained. "I don't know where the good guys are headed! Can't you take B.J. along instead?"
"Shut up, Cheatsy," Bowser replied, "and go fire up the Doomship!"
Soon, at an amphitheatre in New York City, the concert in question was about to start. A big flashy sign-thingy was flashing "Now Presenting Milli Vanilli" as Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan walked up on stage. None of the screaming fangirls, not even Peach, paid any attention to what appeared to be the backup singers. She was in the audience with her friends, still clad in the tuxedos they had mistakenly put on.
"Hellllllllllllllloooooooooo, New York!" Rob and Fab screeched, with the latter tossing a rose into the crowd. Peach was able to catch it and place it in her hand.
Amidst the screaming, Mario had to shout to his brother, "I'd hate to see the look on these girls' faces when they find out these guys' terrible secret!"
With that, Milli Vanilli began to sing the song "Blame It on the Rain". Or rather, the "backup singers" began to sing "Blame It on the Rain", and Rob and Fab began to lip-sync to it. Likewise, none of the fangirls noticed this. Of course, Mario and Luigi were well aware of this, but since this episode was airing in 1990, they wouldn't tell anyone.
"I don't understand it," critiqued Mario. "These guys can't even really sing, yet they're getting more applause than us every time we rescue the Princess or save the Stars or whatever!"
"Ah, what can ya do?" Luigi had nothing to add.
What they weren't aware of, though, was that the Doomship was hovering right overhead. Up in the cockpit, Larry pointed out, "This must be the place, King Dad! There's a big sign that says this is the Milli Vanilli concert!"
"Excellent! This should be a short kidnapping." Bowser turned to the microphone and bellowed, "Aandacht Tillie Supilli! Ik ga u nu ontvoeren!"
Larry looked at his dad oddly. "What did you say?"
"Sorry, my audio was set on Dutch language. Ahem." Bowser cleared his throat and spoke into the microphone again. "Attention Tillie Supilli! I am going to kidnap you now!"
"Milli Vanilli," Larry corrected.
Somehow, nobody had heard Bowser's announcement, so this allowed for him to pull a lever that sent a tractor beam right at the platform Milli Vanilli's "main singers" were standing on. Rob was about to touch an unnamed fangirl's hand when the platform began to levitate, and she had to climb up on Mario's head in order to reach his hand. Just when her finger came into contact with his, all she got was an electrical shock, and she fell right into Mario's arms. "Oh, I'll never wash my hand again!" she swooned.
Mario grimaced and tossed the girl back to her also-unnamed boyfriend, who had a rather feminine appearance. "Man, it's a good thing Peach didn't see me right there!"
Just then, Rob and Fab vanished from the platform, much to the shock of everyone in the audience. Even the real singers of the song gasped in astonishment. Down in the audience, Peach remarked, "See, didn't I tell you they were a great band? Name one other band that can make an exit like that!"
But then Bowser let out his trademark cackle. "Mwahahahaha! I have kidnapped Willy Kapilly, and the United States Government can't stop me 'cause I have diplomatic immunity!"
"Milli Vanilli!" Larry corrected.
Somehow, even though he wasn't speaking into his microphone that time, everybody heard him below. "Oh no, it can't be!" cried the Princess.
"There's only one sneaky, two-faced reptile who laughs like that!" Mario deduced.
"You're right!" said Luigi. "Tatanga has kidnapped Milli Vanilli!"
Mario smacked Luigi with the rose from Peach's hair. "No, Luigi! That's King Koopa's Doomship! Not Tatanga's warship! That guy's not even in this cartoon for some reason!"
"Wait, Bowser's here?" said Toad. "How the heck did he follow us here?"
"However he did that, we gotta spring into action!" said Peach. "Milli Vanilli's been Koopnapped!"
"OK, seriously," criticized Toad, "dat pun just plain sucks. It would make a lot more sense if it a Koopa were da kidnappee, and not da kidnapper."
"Despite the fact that they clearly deserve to be kidnapped for posing as something they're not, we might as well get our behinds to Castle Koopa and save them, because we're the heroes, and Bowser is the bad person." Ignoring Toad's critique, Mario turned to the viewers and annoucned, "But first, here's some scenes from the next Legend of Zelda!"
"Uh, we don't do that anymore now that we're on Saturday mornings, Mario," Luigi interrupted.
"Oh, you're no fun anymore," was all Mario could reply.
A few minutes (or one scene-switch) later, the Doomship had parked itself right on top of Bowser's castle as the Koopa King himself was bringing out his latest hostages. "Welcome to Castle Koopa, Milli Vanilli!" Larry announced. "We trust you enjoy your stay here! 'X-Play' gave us a 4... out of 5."
"Silence, Cheatsy!" Bowser muttered. "I've already used that joke."
"Look, ve vere in de middle of a concert, dude," Rob said in an emotionless manner.
"Yeah, vhy on Earth did you abduct us? Who are you anyvay?" Fab was just as emotionless.
"Funny," said Bowser, "every time we come in contact with someone from your planet, we always get that question in spite of how popular the things we come from are around there. But anyway, I, King Bowser Koopa, tyrannical turtle-dragon hybrid and chief villain of the Super Mario franchise, have kidnapped you so that you can sing for my first and only daughter, Wendy O. Koopa."
"You brought us here because your daughter vants to hear us sing?" Rob was speechless.
"Heck, if dat's all you vanted," reasoned Fab, "you could've just brought her to our concert!"
"Oh, but I'm afraid it's more complex than that!" Bowser. "My daughter wants you, Killy McGilly..."
"We're Milli Vanilli," the duo corrected.
"Whatever. My daughter wants you because you're provocative and fascinating. That's two great things; not one great thing and an okay thing or one good thing and a so-so thing, it's two great things! Also, as any Nintendo fanboy can tell you, kidnapping is a specialty of mine, so what better way to have my daughter witness your talents, Jilly McDilly, than by kidnapping you!"
"Whatever. Ah, here comes my daughter now!"
Wendy stepped into the room, wearing a green skirt. She seemed to think this made her look sexy, never mind the fact that she usually didn't wear any clothes at all. "Ah, Milli Vanilli! I've been expecting you!"
"This is your daughter?" Now Fab was speechless.
"She doesn't look much like you," said Rob.
"I know that," Bowser said to himself before turning to Wendy. "Enjoy listening to Quilly Ozilly, Kootie Pie..."
"Their name is Milli Vanilli," Wendy corrected. "And don't call me Kootie Pie!"
"Whatever. Enjoy them, foul-mouthed daughter of mine. I'm gonna go finish watching my illegally-burned DVD of 'Superman Returns'." With that, Bowser left the room.
"Mind if I join you, King Dad?" Larry requested.
"You can if you want, Cheatsy," the Koopa King replied, "but mind you, Kooky already gets to sit next to me since he made the popcorn."
As soon as her dad and her second-littlest bro were gone, Wendy commanded to her captives. "All right, Milli Vanilli! You're gonna sing for me now! Especially you, Rob!" She fiddled with his hair. "I think you're the sexier of the two."
"Uh, vell, I don't think you're sexy at all!" Rob pushed her back.
Wendy was getting mad. "I'll have you know that I am a royal reptile! Obviously, you should've gathered that from the fact that my dad's the King around here. And I demand you to play a private concert for me by the time I count three!"
"Look, kid, ve got a confession to make," Fab admitted. "Ve can't really sing."
"Ja!" Rob confessed, "Ve're just a lip-syncing duo fronting for real musicians!"
"Sorry, that's not a good enough excuse! Now I shall have to turn you into accountants!" And with that, she pulled out her wand and zapped Milli Vanilli with it. Instantly, their threads turned into business suits, and their hairstyles changed as well.
"Hey! Dat's not funny!" cried Fab.
"You're not supposed to find it funny; I'm supposed to find it funny!" Wendy cackled.
"Then since you've had your laugh, you turn us back into normal people now!"
At this point, the Sledge Bros. came in, apparently because they were supposed to prevent Milli Vanilli from escaping. "You guys were normal before this?" said Sledge Brother #1.
"Never!" Wendy gloated. "You work for me now! And don't think of escaping..."
"I think maybe that was our cue," Sledge Brother #2 pointed out to his companion.
"...'cause you're stuck here forever! Just like Snoop Doggy Dog in that breath mint commercial that makes old ladies look evil! Now then, maybe if you get out of line anymore, I'll turn you into, say, Buzzy Beetles!"
"Great, who vants to be a band from the 60s with a crazy adjective tacked on?" said Fab.
"Better yet, I'll turn you into Ptooies!" Wendy considered.
"Hmm, never heard of dem!" commented Rob. "Do zey have an album?"
"Or maybe I'll turn you into Goombas!" Wendy grinned.
"Didn't dose guys do a covah for a song by Vas Not Vas vunce?" Fab asked his partner.
"Ja, I think it vas ze redeeming point of some crappy summah blahckbustah from 1993!" replied Rob.
"Hey, are you two going to sing for me or not?" Wendy wanted to know.
"Ve already told you, Ms. Koopa-reptile-person," answered Rob, "ve can't sing! We only lip-sync for actual singahs!"
"And even if ve could sing," added Fab, "ve don't even have ze backup band! How do you expect us to do a concert vitout a backup band?"
"I don't know how to answer that," said Wendy, "but until then, you're gonna be accountants and you're gonna like it! And if you don't, I'll melt you down... MY WAY!"
None of them had noticed that Mario and his gang were spying on them through a nearby window. Over the course of their chasing after the Doomship, the Mario Bros. and Toad had taken the time to change back into their regular outfits, but Peach was still wearing her fangirl clothes.
"So that's why Koopa kidnapped Milli Vanilli!" said Mario. "Kootie Pie wants them as her sex slaves!"
"Good t'ing too!" added Toad. "I was afraid he'd taken a homosexual interest in 'em!"
"If we don't change those two sex slaves back to Milli Vanilli, I'll never be able to hear my favorite music again!" Peach was almost in tears.
"Hey, it's not that big a deal if you never hear these guys 'singing' again, Princess," said Mario, "but if it really matters that much to you, then yes, we'll get in there save Rob and Fab from Kootie Pie!"
"But how are we gonna do that?" asked Luigi.
"How are we gonna do that?" Mario looked at the camera. "'How are we gonna do that?' he says." Turning back to his group, Mario declared, "Didn't you just hear what Fab said? They need a backup band in order to give Bowser's bitchy little brat her concert! Ipso ergo, we should sneak in disguised as a backup group! Are there any questions?"
"I have one! If the Cheetos recipe was stolen, how was Frito-Lay still able to ship 'em out to the stores that sell 'em?" Luigi asked.
Mario sighed. "Are there any relevant questions?"
"Yeah! What exactly are we standin' on?" inquired Toad.
"Uh..." Before Mario could find a retort to that, they all realized they weren't standing on anything and plummeted to the ground below. Luckily, it wasn't a very steep drop, so they still had some health in their life meters when they landed.
A few minutes later, Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Peach came out of a warp pipe that Bowser had installed inside his castle for no apparent reason. They were all wearing clichéd rock star disguises, and that was for a reason. "Bowser sure is stupid!" Mario commented. "What idiot would put that in his house? It's practically an open doorway for insurance salesmen!"
"I don't care how we get into Bowser's house," muttered Luigi. "I just wish we had been given time to rehearse!"
"What good would dat do? We're only allowed eleven minutes an episode!" Toad bit. "And besides, none of us knows how to play dese tings!"
"Well, Rob and Fab don't know how to really sing either, so what difference does it make?" said Mario. "Now let's go find Bowser's throne room!"
Over in the throne room, Wendy was still trying to get Milli Vanilli to sing for her, or at least sing as well as they could. "Are you stalling? 'Cause in the time we've been arguing like this, I could be watching that illegal DVD with King Daddyins right now!"
"Ve're not stalling, little gahl!" said Rob.
"Ve already told you," said Fab, "ve can't sing! Even if ve do have backup!"
Wendy started pouting on the floor again. "KING DAD! This duo you brought me is a disgrace to rock and roll! They claim they can't sing!"
It was at this point that Mario and company came in. "Who are zose guys?" Rob whispered.
"Ze chick looks weirdly familyah," commented Fab.
"I should!" Peach whispered. "I'm your greatest fan! And we're here to help you!"
"Haven't ve seen you in video games, shorty?" Rob asked Mario.
"Shhhhh!" Mario shushed, and then spoke aloud to Wendy. "Excuse us! We're the famous traveling band Backups R We! We, uh, just happened to come into this castle. Is there anyone here who needs our services?"
Wendy stopped pouting and looked at the quartet whom she failed to recognize. "Wow, my tantrums must really work! I didn't even see King Dad come in to speak with me!"
"'Backups R We'?" Luigi whispered. "Is that the best you could do?"
"Well, new names are hard to think up!" Mario whispered back. "Besides, we don't really need to worry about copyright infringement since their 'R' is written backwards."
"At last I shall have my personal concert!" Wendy pranced like a pixie.
"But who shall we sing backup for?" Peach said aloud. "These two accountant blokes here?"
"Those are no accountants, lady! That's Milli Vanilli! And to avoid a lengthy exchange of contradictions, I shall change them back to their normal form right now!" Wendy zapped Fab and Rob again, this time changing them back from accountants to the pseudo-band they were. "See?"
Mario stepped in front of Milli Vanilli. "So then, what would you 'fellow maestros' like for us to 'provide backup vocals' for you to sing to?"
"Um, how about 'Girl You Know It's True'?" Fab recommened.
"Ja, ve make beeg bucks offa dat one!" agreed Rob.
"OK, here goes!" Mario strummed his bass guitar, and he, along with Luigi on treble, Toad on drums, and Peach on backup vocal, began to perform a really off-key version of "Girl You Know It's True". Seriously, they was doing so badly that Rob and Fab couldn't even bring themselves to sync their lip movements to the lyrics. Instead, they just covered their ears.
Wendy, however, didn't seem to notice. Instead, she danced about and snapped her fingers to the tune. "Wow, groovy! No wonder you guys are so famous!" she said, not seeing that Rob and Fab weren't really singing.
Mario grinned, then eyed Toad and said, "Great! She's distracted! Now it's time for me to initiate the attack!"
"Attack? No, Mario!" Toad nitpicked. "That would blow our cover! She'll zap those floating rings around us for sure!"
"Oh no she won't... not as long as I have this!" Mario held his guitar in the air and stuck a sexy anime pose in doing so. A computer screen of some sort suddenly appeared around the guitar as a computerized narration of some sort made this announcement:
"Kids Next Door G.E.E.T.A.R.
Luigi was weirded out at what he had just seen. "Did that make sense to you, Toadie?"
"KATAANG!" Mario hollered, and then he proceeded to smash the G.E.E.T.A.R. over Wendy's head.
"Ooooh... that smarts..." Wendy murmured before dropping unconscious.
Mario took off his sunglasses. "There! That should take care of her."
At that point, Bowser marched into the throne room, shouting "Stop that awful noise! I don't care if you do like Illy Kachilly, I can't watch my illegal 'Superman Returns' DVD without this junk you call music shaking up the castle, Kootie Pie!" But then he saw that his daughter was out cold and noticed Mario standing there. "Ah, Mario! I should've figured you'd be the one to come and save Nilly Shadilly from me."
"Save the speech, Koopa," said Mario. "And it's Milli Vanilli, not that I care about 'em. Now if you'll excuse my allies and me, we're gonna bring these so-called singers back to their Real World concert."
"Well, go ahead then!" said Bowser.
Mario was shocked. "Wait. You're actually letting us go through with foiling your latest plan?"
"Hey, I didn't plan to bring Crilly Scapilli here..."
"Whatever their name is, I just wanted to sit down this evening and watch an illegally-burned DVD. Is that so much to ask? But noooo, my whiny prick of a daughter makes me go and capture some Real World music band I can't even remember the name of, and then when I do that, I end up hearing an awful cover of an existing song followed by Hanna-Barbera's 'Kabong' sound effect. And so, I make this request..." At this point, Bowser got down on his knees. "Please, Mario, please please please, get that lousy music band out of my castle! I would much rather hear Kootie Pie whining again than have to listen to those amateurs she calls hot!"
"Well, this animation company does have that belief that bad guys should always get punished, and you're clearly evil. But I don't blame you for wanting Milli Vanilli out of your house. Peach wouldn't like it if I told her, but I happen to know that they really just lip-sync rather than actually sing. And besides, you did help me to save the world in Super Mario RPG, so... okay!"
"Oh, thank you so much, Mario!" Bowser kissed the tips of his nemesis's shoes. "You truly are a champ among heroes! And since you were so kind to me, I promise that next time I kidnap the Princess, I will lighten up on the sub-bosses, and I will not breathe fire when you confront me. Trust me on that. I may tell a lot of lies, but that promise isn't one."
"Okey-dokey." Mario shook hands with Bowser and then walked back to his group. "C'mon guys, let's get Milli Vanilli back to their Real World concert! Bowser agreed to let them go."
"Really? Dat's so unlike him!" commented Toad.
"Yeah!" added Luigi. "It's practically out of character!"
"Why would he want to release prisoners?" asked Peach.
"Well... let's just say that he and I finally found something we agree on," answered Mario. "Oh, and one more thing. The Cheetos recipe was never stolen, Luigi. It was just an advertising promotion."
So, to make a long story short, the Mario group successfully returned Milli Vanilli to the concert they were performing in New York City. Rob and Fab were so grateful to their rescuers that they allowed them backstage access during the concert. There, Mario, Luigi, and Toad could see the equipment that was playing the song that Rob and Fab were supposedly singing. Peach didn't notice, though; she was too busy staring at Milli Vanilli and clapping like a drunk seal. But then Milli Vanilli's equipment malfunctioned, exposing them as the frauds they truly were. All of the fangirls were gravely disappointed, especially Peach, who returned to the Mushroom Kingdom in the second-most depressing funk she had ever been in. But Mario made it up to her the next day by taking her to the Six Flags amusement park in Jewelry Land. They had a wonderful time, and that evening, they went stargazing at Shooting Star Summit. A week later, Bowser kidnapped Peach again, but as he told Mario, he kept his word on the promise he made. Mario only had to fight Bowser Jr., Petey Piranha, and Kamek on his way over, and sure enough, when he finally reached Bowser, the Koopa King held back on breathing any fire at the plumber. Needless to say, Mario rescued Peach once again, and they celebrated this rescue by joining Luigi and Daisy for a double-date at Six Flags Jewelry Land the following day.
Meanwhile, at the Kids Next Door treehouse...
Nigel Uno, also known as Kids Next Door operative Numbuh One, walked up to his second-in-command. "Numbuh Five, have you seen the G.E.E.T.A.R. anywhere? I've looked all over the treehouse for it."
"Oh, some plumber came here to steal it earlier today," Abigail Lincoln, alias Kids Next Door operative Numbuh Five, answered, "and Numbuh Five had to fight him off. I gotta tell ya, he put up quite a fight, especially considering his weight."
"Yes, that's good and all," Numbuh One inquired, "but could you please tell me where the G.E.E.T.A.R. is?"
"Numbuh Five toldja, the fat plumber came and took it!"
"You let him take it?" Numbuh One was appalled.
"Didn't I just say he put up quite a fight? Numbuh Five had no choice!" Numbuh Five confessed.
"Well, that's just great, Numbuh Five, just bloody great. What if those demonic cousins of mine send out some kind of assassin whose only weakness is being hit on the head by guitars? We'd be defenseless!"
"Hey, it's not like we asked to fight against the so-called 'tyranny of adults'! We only do this stuff 'cause Cartoon Network pays us to."
"You know, you're right! This whole idea never did seem very realistic to me. I mean, aren't teenagers supposed to be even more rebellious against adults in real life? And I don't know why I even go out with Lizzie anymore. She's overprotective, her screech is starting to make my ears bleed, and word on the street is, she's not very attractive."
"Ugh, Numbuh Five doesn't blame ya for that."
"And I also worry, are we even getting good enough ratings to justify that we continue doing this? We used to be this network's most popular show, but then, bam! We're suddenly ousted by that unfunny trash-fest they call 'Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends'."
"Oh, Numbuh Five totally agrees with you there, Numbuh One. That show ain't funny at all. And don't even get me started on that irritating Fred Fredburger on 'Billy and Mandy', or the gags they're using in those new commercial bumpers that end with his catchphrase. We are definitely better than those guys."
"Yeah, we are definitely better than those guys..." Numbuh One stared, becoming lovestruck with the way Numbuh Five was looking at him. "...Y-you wanna make out?"
Numbuh Five threw her arms around Numbuh One's shoulders and pressed her lips against his. "You betcha, loverboy!"
So for the next hour or so, Nigel Uno and Abigail Lincoln rolled about on the floor, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. While they were doing that, the Toilenator snuck in and clogged all the toilets in the treehouse, and the other three operatives had to fight them off without the help of their leader or their second-in-command, but that's a whole other story.
Geez, why do I keep referencing "Codename: Kids Next Door" in this fanfic? But at least I was able to sneak a brief bit of Nigel/Abby fluff into my fanfics. I can't help it if they look so cute together! And lemmie give a shout-out to fellow Mario/Peach fan CheesyPasta78 - that joke at the expense of Sigurd was for you!