A/N: Here ya go. A new chappie. Screw the review-thing, I'll post 'em when I want to. T.T
Thanks to all the reviewers!
A soothing sensation entered my sore body and I sighed in relief. I had just been performed a 'chakra-enforced healing', as Tsunade-san put it. Basically, she had told me the following: She had gathered chakra into her hands, made the chakra to circulate around my body, soothing, relaxing and healing all my muscles. She might have told the same thing in gibberish, because I really don't get the whole 'chakra-is-your-ultimate-friend'-stuff, but again, not complaining. I felt better I had felt in years, like I had just had a great massage. You all know what I mean, yeah?
"That's it." I heard Tsunade say and I snapped my eyes open.
"... Oh." I said and hopped up, stretching myself and testing my muscles. And I mean really testing them, stretching my body to its limits.
"You know, you don't have to wreck your body that soon." Tsunade-san commented and squinted at me.
"Oh, sorry." I looked around and scratched my neck.
"Well, uh… Thanks. I'll be off then." I said and waved, turning and walking to the now-fixed door. How did they fix it that quickly? Hmm…
"I asked 'where'." Kakashi repeated and glanced at me, leaning to the wall and his hands in his pockets. Why does he look so cool when he does that? Damn. I'm such a long way from that…
"I'm gonna face the music." I said and slipped out of the door.
God, that was such a cliché!
But oh boy, was I in trouble with Yui now. The only way for me to survive was duking it out with her, and that was never too pretty. Did I mention Yui is a karateka? No? Well, she is. Did I mention that she can break bricks with the back of her hand? And 7 planks stacked? No? Well, she can. Have you any idea what-so-ever what her karate-chops to do human bones? No? Well I do. And I don't want it to happen to me. Again. I mean, yeah, now that I'm healed an' all I can dodge about 73 percent of her kicks and punches, but the rest remaining 27 percent hurt like hell when they make contact. Sigh. Great going, me! So why do I bother with her? Like I said, we're sisters, if not by blood, but sisters nevertheless. And sisters stick together! Through thick and thin. Although, I don't wanna hurt her, I don't even know why she got so upset about anyways. Guess my slightly torn state of mind showed very clearly on my face…
"Oi. You okay?" I heard his voice, I lifted my head a little and offered a small smile. A hollow one, but a smile.
"You don't look like it." He pushed further. Man, I have no idea why I keep confiding in him!
"I dunno what to do. I dun wanna hurt her, but I will protect myself…" I trailed off. I heard him sigh slightly. The rest of the way we walked in silence as I mulled over my current situation. I really, really need to talk to Yui-chan about this.
…. Talk, schmalk, I'll let my fists do that part. I start to walk around aimlessly, putting my hands behind my head and humming something random.
"Where are you going?"
"… Aren't you going to find your friend?"
"…. Do you know where she is?"
"Nope." I heard a groan and a slight slap. Then some mutters. Something about a stupid girl…
… I'll let it slide.
… This time.
Don't look at me like that, I could totally kick his ass!
… Okay, maybe not. Forget I said anything!
"Well do you know where she could be?"
"Nooo idea." Another groan. I swear, I heard him trying to stop himself from hurting me. Hee hee hee… I dig through my jacket and my hand reaches the all too familiar shape. I pull it out and flip it open. Now where was I? Oh yeah! Sakuya was in a bathhouse, when Hiroshi entered… Oh ho. Let's see what happens next. I keep reading, putting my left hand into my pockets and keeping Come Come Paradise open and up with my right hand. I felt something warm pressing closer… And closer… And…
"You…" I put my left hand on his chest, reading my beloved book all the way.
"Are invading my personal space. Arm length…" I pushed him. Hard. And whaddaya know, it actually worked!
"Away." He stumbled slightly, but quickly recovered from it. Drats. Again.
"Come ooon! It was in such a good spot when you yanked it awayyy!" He whined and tried to look cute, which wasn't really working.
Well, he is kinda- SHUT IT! I donot need another one of these me vs. my inner voice convos!
"Pleaaaa-aaase?" Okay, it was funny the first time, but now this is getting irritating!
"Kakashi! You're a grown man! Stop whining!"
"But I was paid to protect you!"
"STOP GROVELING! IT'S MY BOOK AND I'M READING IT NOW!" I clearly and calmly (note the sarcasm) stated it to him and calmly (briskly) walked away, constantly bombarded with Kakashi's constant whining.
"What the-" A freaky giggle stopped me in my tracks. I turned my head towards the building. The Konoha Bathhouse. I glanced downwards. The women's side. Even more down. A man hunched over "hidden" (plain sight if ya ask me) at the corner, between the buildings and peering into the women's side. He looked like an old fart. Seriously. I walked up to him as quietly as I could (he's a ninja and didn't see me coming. Snort, I'm sooo impressed.) and put my foot to the side of his face.
"Oi. What do you think you're doing?" He stopped giggling and slowly turned his head towards me. I took my foot offa him only to reveal his face. He was drooling.
I took a few (many) steps back and hoped Kakashi was there to help me. Without me even noticing, the guy who was peeking into the dressing room was right in front of me. And as a first reaction, I yelped and jumped the hell back!
"Oh! A perfect woman! Such figure! Such grace! And the angelic face!" Excuse me? He then spotted my book. His eyes widened. Oh good god, not him too.
"I swear, if you start acting like Kakashi…" I raised my fist up, ready to hit him.
"You… You read that book?" He asked, his voice quivering. I quirked an eyebrow at him.
"No, I'm just carrying it around for fun. Of course I'm reading it!" He was silent for a while. I was already willing to believe that he experienced a meltdown. But no. No such luck for me.
"OH! I'm so happy! Such a wonderful woman is reading that book!" And while I was still trying to grasp what the hell that old geezer was trying to say, Kakashi appeared next to me.
"Oi, why'd you- Oh, hello, Jiraya-sama!" He greeted and the old man seized his freakish rambling, staring at Kakashi. I was currently shifting my gaze between them, trying to figure out the damned connection here! Owch, my neck.
"Kakashi, just for the record, who's the ol' perverted geezer?" I asked, pointing at the man. Who was staring at me. The uncomfortable way. Like he was undressing me in his mind. Eww…
"Ah, this is Jiraya-sama!" The scarecrow exclaimed, smiling at me. Uh, at least I think he was smiling. Damn that stupid mask of his…
"Jiraya-sama, this is Kajitsu-chan!" … Did he just say chan?
"And to what, pray you tell, does that chan refer to?" Wow, I didn't know I could growl. Ah well, you learn something new every day.
"Wouldn't you like to know, Kajitsu-chan?" He still smiled but patted my head, you know, for being a whopping inch or two taller than me.
"Issunboshi." (One-inch boy, direct reference to the thingie below the belt.) I state and whap his hand away. Out of the corner of my eye I see him twitch.
"Jyajya uma." (Tomboy) He states. Oh-ho, so you're gonna play it like that, eh?
"Chimpara!" (Prick, Osaka-dialect)
"Sentako itay!" (Flat-chested, literally "ironing board") Oi! I may not have the biggest hooters around but that was one helluva insult!
"Kuso baka yarou!" (Fucking idiot!)
"Okama!" (Gay or faggot)
"Otemba!" (A very rude version of tomboy)
"Ookiosewada!" (Up yours!) I accented this happy greeting by flipping him off. He crossed his arms, and I could tell, he was loosing his cool. Ho ho ho…
"Jigoku e ike!" (Go to hell!)
"I would, but I'm already there! And I am not flat-chested!" I crossed my arms, unconsciously pushing my chest up.
"I don't think you're flat-chested." Jiraya waved from the sidelines. Some people were snickering at us and/or smiling a slightly troubled smile.
"Urusai, hentai jiji!" Wow, I do growl! And it is effective. Oh my gawd, I have discovered a new way to intimidate people! I turned my head towards Kakashi to continue our little, sensible discussion, but then it hit me: I was supposed to deal with peepin' tom over there.
"What were you doing over there?" I whipped my head towards this guy Jiraya. He twitched and tried to look innocent. One patent-pending death glare, courtesy of Kajitsu, coming up!
"Well, now that you mentioned it…" He straightened up and whaddaya know, he looked almost like a human being. Note the almost over here.
"I'm doing some research for my next novel. You are reading one part of the series." … Reading whatsa from where now? I look at the book. Then Jiraya. Then the book. And then Jiraya.
"Soo, you were doing research." I stated more than asked. He nodded. I blinked.
"Okay, don't let me stop ya!" I grinned and offered my hand for him to shake. He looked perplexed. Hm, can't imagine why… I really can't! He then took my hand and shook it. I let go and turned to Kakashi, who looked like the very epitome of confusion. Okay, let's make it a third confused one.
"… What?" The both males begun motioning wildly with their hands.
"Pissed as hell…"
"Very happy right now…"
"How can you…"
"But we just…"
"Okay, both of you, STOP!" I shouted and slapped their hands away. Especially Jiraya's, they were getting too close to my chest for comfort.
"I am a WO-MAN. It means that I am entitled to switch moods. And honestly, I have no idea how or why they switch so often, and to be frank with you, it even scares me. You two, be happy to be men. You get off easily." I said and turned around, walking away from them, muttering something about complete idiots. Don't ask, even I don't know what I mutter.
I said don't ask.
I flipped open my book, and lo: I managed to read two lines. And then, I had to dodge.
And I mean dodge, had I not my head would've met Mr. Concrete wall and they might have tested just which was stronger: My skull or the wall. I looked at my assailant, and realized that she had made a dent into the wall. My eye is twitchiiing… At this rate, my face-muscled will be able to lift a bloody human being up.
"Eh heh… Hiya, Yui!" Smile, and maybe she won't notice your fear…
"Oh Kajitsuuu…. I believe we have something to discuss about, no?" She grinned manically. Hoo boy, here we go…
"I dunno. Maybe?"
"Maybe?" She crackled her knuckles.
"Eeep! I mean yes!"
"You wouldn't happen to have any ideas on how we should talk about it?" … Lemme think… How 'bout, you stay, I run? I bring my book up and begin reading it.
"None that I can think of." Instincts kick in, and I dodge. I feel some air whiz past my left ear. I dodge again, this time air near right ear. Oooh, that rhymed.
"I have one suggestion." I hear Yui say, and I swear, I can hear her smirk. And I think I know what she means…
"Oh for the love of Bob, will I ever be able to read this book?" I exclaim dramatically and fold it back into my jacket.
"Who's Bob?" I hear Kakashi ask. Umm, I have something going here, okay?
"No. And Bob says you should stop saying that." Yui says, her face completely blank.
"Yeah, yeah, but when was the last time any of us ever listened to Bob?"
"… Good point."
"Yeah, I thought so too."
"Who is Bob?" Yui and me both turn our heads towards Kakashi and Jiraya. Then we look at each others and simultaneously, put our arms around the air, as if there was a person standing over there.
"This is Bob." Yui says and points at the air.
"Yeah, he's our conscience. We never listen to him, so he gets pretty peeved most of the time." I continue and point at the air as well. Man, where the heck are the cameras when you need one? Their faces were priceless! They looked so damn scared! Haha! Hahahahaha!
"Where were we?" I asked and pretended to lean on "Bob".
"Oh yeah. So, if were going to discus- Shut up Bob." I smacked the air. Yui winced at this.
"Yeah, but he's used to it. 'Nyways, if we do discuss about this, shouldn't my dojo be a lot better place than a common street?" Did I mention the two men were really starting to look bothered by us? Hee hee hee…
"Yeah, good idea! We'll just have to find Mayu as well… We need a judge."
"What, Bob ain't enough?"
"Noo, Bob would just bitch about us fighting again. Mayu's better, no offence, Bob." Yui lifted her hand up as to say she means no harm.
"Well speak of the devil." Yui mused aloud and waved at Mayu. She skipped towards us and quirked an eyebrow to Kakashi and Jiraya.
"What's with them?" She asked when she got near us.
"We told them about Bob." I explained.
"Yeah, I don't think they see him." Yui frowned slightly. I swear, we would make perfect actresses. Well, it's always comforting to know some occupation one might try…
"But anyways, me and Yui are going to talk things straight at the dojo. Coming?" Mayu sighed and shook her head.
"Your talking is always fighting. Why?"
"Because we lack verbal talent?" Yui suggested, only to receive a nasty glare from Mayu. Eech, she can be scary too you know.
"Fine, I'll do it. Let's go." Mayu said in a defeated tone.
"Coming, Hatake?" I asked, knowing the answer. He didn't have much of a choice, did he? As we walked towards my home, both Kakashi and Jiraya followed us. I have no idea why Jiraya was following us, but what ever.
Now, I'm quite sure you all are wondering who or what this mysterious "Bob" is. He is actually Mayu's, Yui's and my invention. He is the personification of our conscience. Don't ask about the name, it was something random Mayu thought up. Anyways, Bob manifested himself more when we were smaller. He was our imaginary friend. Since we've grown older, he doesn't manifest himself like he did when we were smaller, but we do joke around about him. This imaginary friend-business is a well-kept secret between us. We all kinda still believe in him, even though we're over twenty. He helps me solve my insecurities every now and then. And in a way, don't we all have someone imaginary to help us? Like just a funny image of us doing something in super-deformed-look or generally imagining things?
… Forget I said anything.
Yui charged at me after a long, ten-minute intense battle. Shit! What do I do? WHADDLE I DO? I suddenly grab her fist, the front of her gi and flip her whole body over myself, sending her crashing down on the tatami-mat. Reflexes, I thank you most highly! I caught my breath while wiping my forehead with the back of my hand. I put up my fists and wait for her to get up and we can start again. But you know what she does? She swipes my feet from under me and I crash down on the mat, right next to her!
"A-howwww!" I whine and cough. We're both laying on the mat, breathing hard. The audience (consisting of Mayu, Kakashi, Shiranui, Jiraya (oh, he's doing "research". Perverted git.), Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura) hold their breath as we keep silent. Yui let's out a chocked giggle, and I try to suppress my laugh. Finally, we both start laughing our heads off, without a damn reason, just laughing for the heck of it!
"I can't- I can't brrreath! Hahahaha!" Yui gasps between laughs.
"Ow-Haha! Owww- Hahahah! My t-tummy! Hahahahaa!" I choke out and double over, clutching my stomach. Oh man, laughing is so going to be my cause of death! Hahahahaha! People are looking at us strangely, though Mayu is laughing with us. Note, with us. Not at us. I manage to control my laughter, even if just a little.
"So, Yui.. Hahaha! Why did you get so-heehee! Miffed at me?" I say and just lay there, looking at the ceiling.
"Ahahahaha! Well, hehee, I was feeling a little-haha! Bored and I wanted to- To fight someone! Hahaha!" She laughed and writhed about, clutching her stomach. She WHAT?
"So you just got angry with me because you felt like fighting?" I asked, breathing heavily.
"Hahaha!" I fake-laughed and then sprung on my feet, taking a naginata off the wall. Yui sprang up herself and started to run.
"Get back here so I can skewer you!" I flailed the naginata around and charged at Yui.
"AAAIIEEEE!" She yelped and ran towards Mayu, who seemed absolutely horrified.
"No! Go away! Go away! Not here, nooooooo!"
"BOTH OF YOU, GET! BACK! HERE!" I scream as they flee my crazed flailing of my precious naginata. The ninjas in the room jumped away from our present course of headless running and I followed my oh-so precious Celestial Sisters, getting quite ready to make shish-kebab out of 'em. But hey, don't worry, this is completely normal!
Heere girlies, here girly-girly-girlies!
…. Insert maniacal, insane laughter here.
Yep, that's that. I did edit this earlier, but, uh... The internet took a freaky loop and it didn't save. So there. But this has been another episode of
As Told By Kajitsu!