Pretty Woman

It was a beautiful morning in Central outside the military base, the birds were chirping, the temperature was just right, all in all it was extremely peaceful. One individual was especially enjoying the peace and quiet of the early morning as he sat in his office running a hand through his short black hair; his dark blue eyes were relaxed as they looked over his surroundings. This was none other than Colonel Roy Mustang.

He let out a sigh as he closed his eyes and propped his feet up on his desk. His office had a little more than enough room for his desk at the back, facing the door; two couches parallel to each other in front of his desk; and a table positioned in the middle. It was a one man office, all his, well his and Hawkeye's. Her desk was on the wall to the right of Mustang's desk, back facing the wall. It was currently empty.

He loved getting to the office early for that one simple fact that no one else would be there. Actually he'd rather not come at all, but if he just had to come, then he at least wanted some quiet before the busy work day. He thought about how sad it would be when everyone else showed up; then he would have to resume the new case.

Hmmm…what was that case about again? He asked himself, his eyes opening with the effort of remembering past that morning. I think it had something to do about a file… Oh well I still have…-he paused while he checked his watch- 15 minutes before I have to do anything, I think I'll just sit and relax until then. He thought to himself as he closed his eyes and settled farther back in his chair.

Alas, for this poor man; he must have angered the Gods, for as soon as he got comfortable one Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye came in for an early start on the day's work. She had long blonde hair, in a clip on the back of her head, and amber eyes. She only spared a look in the Colonels direction before she went and sat at her desk. Unfortunately, Roy had not seen or heard her due to his closed eyes and her soft footfalls. He had absolutely no idea that someone other than himself was in the room. He was unaware that his words and actions would be observed by another soul. Oh, if only he knew.

Riza sat down at her desk and picked up a file that she had to go over. She opened it and looked over at the Colonel one more time. He looked peaceful, feet propped up on the desk, eyes closed, and hands folded behind his head. She looked back at the file and started the days work with a tiny sigh. Riza went undisturbed until she saw a tiny movement out of the corner of her eye.

It had been Roy. He had leaned back so his chair was almost parallel to the floor. What is he doing? She asked herself, as she watched him. She got her answer as he opened his mouth, and started to sing!

The song he was singing was "Pretty Woman" and how he was singing it was…well odd. You see his voice was moving drastically over the scale and he was making all sorts of weird facial expressions.

"Pretty wOOOmann, walkin' down ta street! Woa! PrEEty woman sometin' sometin'." Well you get the idea. He was really getting into it too; twisting his shoulders and neck when he hit a high note, then scrunching up his face in a serious manner when he went low.

Riza was sitting in her desk just watching him with a comically dumbfounded expression on her face. I had to ask, didn't I? She thought as she was trying to keep her soldier face intact, it was increasingly difficult, even to someone like her. She failed miserably. After one seriously funny expression on a low note, she couldn't help herself, she bust out laughing.

Roy immediately sat up at the outburst and, since he was leaning back so far, he fell backwards out of his chair, arms waving wildly to keep balance that had disappeared. This only helped fuel Riza's laughter, even though she was trying so hard not to laugh. He finally fell and landed with his left foot on top of the chair, which had fallen sideways away from him, and the rest of his body spread-eagled.

Roy's face burned as he propped himself up on his elbows to stare at Riza. When did she get in here? Wait…Oh man she heard me! OH MAN SHE SAW ME! He thought in a frenzy as he watched her get up and kneel beside him, constantly laughing.

"I'm sorry for laughing Sir," was the only thing she could choke out between fits of laughter, but that only made her crack up more.

"If you're sorry, why are you still laughing?" Roy asked, looking up at her from his current position on the floor. He was so embarrassed, the only person that had ever heard him sing like that was Hughes, his best friend, and they both had been drunk at the time!

Riza choked down her laughter, remembering she was talking to a superior officer, and said, "I'm sorry Sir. Here let me help you up," as she leaned forward and extended her hand out to him. Almost at the same time, Edward Elric, his brother Alphonse and Lieutenant Colonel Hughes walked in.

Edward, the older brother, was a, eh ahem, vertically challenged, young state alchemist under Roy. He was wearing his trademark red coat over a black shirt and black pants with his blonde hair in its usual braid. His younger brother, Alphonse, was trapped in a large suit of armor; a result of forbidden human transmutation. The same forbidden act that took Ed's right arm and left leg; now replaced by automail limbs. Hughes had black hair that was cut short, and he looked like he was trying to grow a beard. He was wearing glasses with rectangular frames, that would reflect light at certain angles, and when he was up to mischief.

The three of them stopped short and stared into the room, while Roy and Riza stared back. Wondering why they're staring? Because what they saw was Roy on the floor, legs spread apart, and Riza leaning toward him, reaching for him. Their expressions?


Ed's golden eyes widened at the scene, and a smile was starting to form, Al stood there dumbfounded, eyes huge with shock, while Hughes' glasses where alight with mischief.

Nothing moved, there was no sound as the two parties stared at each other in shock, each to their own thoughts. Both Riza and Roy were thinking how bad they must look while Ed and Hughes were thinking of how they could use this little secret to their advantage.

The silence was broken by snickers coming from the door, then from snickers to all out laughing in .6 seconds. Riza and Roy both jumped up, their faces redder than Ed's coat. Hughes jumped into the room, put his right foot on the table, and pointed at Roy, a huge smile on his face, and declared loudly, "I told you, you needed a wife! And I was right!"

This only increased laughing, by quite a lot. Riza was stunned; her left eye was twitching while her mouth hung open. Roy folded his left arm across his chest and buried his face in his right hand. Needless to say, both were very embarrassed.

"Who needs a wife?" a young girl asked, while she pushed her way through Ed and Al's still laughing forms. This was Winry; Ed and Al's childhood friend, and an aspiring automail mechanic. She had blue eyes and long blonde hair pulled into a high pony tail. She was on a trip to Central to visit Ed and Al. She added, almost as an after note ", and why are you two laughing?"

Hughes, seeing the perfect opportunity to cause even more mischief, ran around to her, put his arm around her shoulder, and pointed in the two unlucky persons direction. Winry looked at him, confused as he got ready to say something, light reflecting off his glasses in a mischievous way. Ed and Al lowered into chuckles so they could hear what he was going to say.

He never got the chance to say anything, Riza and Roy both knew that whatever he had to say would not be good for them, so as soon as he opened his mouth both Riza and Roy sprang into action. Riza pulled her gun out of her holster and pointed it directly at Hughes, while Roy raised his hand in a snapping position to point at him, both of there eyes were closed and they both had extremely annoyed expressions on their faces.

Hughes stopped and shut his mouth with a snap, his face drained of any color. He knew what they were capable of, Riza was a perfect marksman, and Roy could create instant bombs using alchemy and his gloves. Winry was trying to squirm away from him, a look of horror on her face; she was still pinned under Hughes' arm. Ed an Al both immediately froze and stopped laughing. It had the desired effect, don't you think?

"Hughes," Roy said very slowly and deliberately, "let me tell you what happened before you jump to the wrong conclusion and have a little…accident. I had fell out of my chair and, Lieutenant Hawkeye was only lending me a hand. Isn't that right Lieutenant Hawkeye?"

"Yes Sir"

Roy and Riza both simultaneously lowered their weapons. Roy looked up at the group and smiled really big with his hands folded on the side of his face and said in a sweet voice, "Now let's all forget anything that just happened, m'kay?"

"Uh, sorry to break up this little party but we have a problem Colonel."

Everyone turned to see where the voice had come from and found Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc standing right behind Ed. Ed let out a yell and jumped backwards out of surprise.

Havoc stood in the door unsure of what was going on. He had tanish hair, cut simi short, blue eyes, and a cigarette in his mouth. He was wearing the same blue military uniform that Roy, Riza, and Hughes was wearing.

Roy returned to normal, or at least the closest thing to normal he could be. "What's the problem, Havoc?" he asked.

"Well Sir, you remember those files that we got yesterday? Yeah, well they've just been stolen, and about five men where injured by the robber."

A shocked and apprehensive silence filled the room for a moment before Roy asked, "Was it him?"