The SC diaries
Thought I'd try my hand at Soul Calibur humor. Let's get on with it, huh?
Disclaimer: I own diddly squat.
Sis sure is a long time getting the milk. It's been three months since she set out.
Sis came back yesterday, being carried by Asian woman that needs to find a bra. Was apparently sidetracked on quest of getting the milk by quest of saving the world from an evil, demonically charged blade. Got badly wounded in the process and required bra lady to save her butt.
And she forgot the milk too. Stupid sis.
Three years later…
Sis gone again. She's never going to hang on to Rothion at this rate.
Was once again sent on quest to save world from evil blade. Just returned and told me that land has been cleansed of evil influence. Said Gods told her to use a divinely forged weapon to smash the sword into itty-bitty pieces.
Need to remind Lucius to stop putting 'medicinal' herbs in Sophie's drink.
Four years later…
Rothion brought home piece of scrap metal today. Sis took one look at it and started shrieking. I know she's a neat freak, but seriously, it's just a piece of metal!
Correction, piece of evil, demonically charged blade. Well, it's a good thing if it's in pieces, right?
Or not. Pyrrha and Patroklus have gone nuts. And I don't mean 'terrible twos' nuts. One of them attempted to decapitate dad with a dinner plate. Have decided this warrants my attention
Have been to temple of god of the forge, Have-feet-dust or something like that. Divine weapons still in V. good shape. Decided to take them so I can go on epic quest like sis. Ha!
Have begun to think epic quests aren't all they're cracked up to be.
Am hopelessly lost.
Do people have black hair in Europe? I went up to one guy in this town to ask him where I was, and he was like, xiao jie, ni suo se mo? Decided to backtrack. It's safer.
For inexplicable reason, backtracking ended up with me in England, a tiny little island off the coast of Europe. Have begun to formulate theory that I have to directional sense whatsoever.
Had duel with woman who fell into a vat of milk head-first when she was young. She said that I was 'corrupted with the malignant influence of the evil shards'. I think it means that I have a piece of metal in my pack. Mastery of English language not good. May have to find willing tutor.
Despite having no battle experience whatsoever, managed to kick her ass.
Theory of lack of directional sense now proven. Am now in a 'New World', in the company of a guy who's vocabulary is apparently limited to grunts, snarls, and the occasional 'Bangoo!' whatever that means. He's got a great bod, however.
Okay, Cass. Stop thinking like that.
Found way back to Europe. Ended up in a duel with a guy using a staff that he calls Kelly Yoogar. Funny name.
Due to guy's extreme hotness and that fact that he was bare-chested, lost duel and nearly ended up with broken leg. Have formulated theory about how have stunted hormonal growth, and they are now rushing to the fray, causing me to be extremely attracted to guys. Nothing I can't handle, though. Nope. Nothing to be worried about.
I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT SEX OBSSESSED I AM NOT
I am so in denial.
Ho-hum, another duel with prissy asshole wielding a Rapier. Kicked his ass, and relocated Rapier up his glory hole. Many may be forgiven for thinking he has just had a vasectomy. I'm good.
On plus side, he had a nice body. Too bad it's covered up…
Have just realized that I have no idea where on earth evil, demonically charged blade is. Should probably ask around. Maybe some of the people I dueled can help me…
Met hot guy called Macks See and staff guy. Gave me directions to last known area of evil sword. Was not paying very close attention to directions as I was too busy staring at their bare torsos.
On plus side, discovered that evil sword is called Soul Edge, and wielder is called Nightmare.
His parents must have hated him.
Came across destroyed village. Must be work of Nightmare. Believe myself to be hot on his trail.
Two more destroyed villages. Either Nightmare, or the city planning councils suck.
Caught sight of Nightmare in the distance. Another couple of days and I'll catch up to him, I guess.
Oh. My. God. He is gorgeous. And I mean drop dead handsome. Is it even possible to get hair that long and golden?
Green eyes, entire torso bare, and he has a scar too! I think I'm in love.
On the downside, the demon arm is kinda freaky…
After trailing him for a few days, have decided that demon arm is subject that can be dealt with later. He is perfect man for me, and I am in love.
Or maybe it's just those damnable hormones again. Time will tell, I guess.
(Holds hands up in a placating manner)
This is not my best work, nor is it close. It is merely something that refused to shut up and go away until I gave it the space it craved. Watch this section for Siegfried's journal next time. Until then, ciao.
Reviews, positive or otherwise, are always welcome.