TITLE: …butt the anal probes…

AUTHOR: Aimless – Despite the title, I'm going to rate it K+.

SPOILERS: None

SYNOPSIS: Just a little bit of silliness.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them (sigh – if only) and I'm not making a dime here. No copyright infringement is intended so please don't sue me. Besides, all you'd get is a pocket full of lint, a couple of cats, and some half-dead houseplants.

…BUTT THE ANAL PROBES…

"Oh, man, Judson! You should have seen the look on your face!" Mackenzie Previn teased as she led the way into the Vast Explorer's comfortable living room. "I would have given my entire life savings to have a camera at that moment!"

Laughter echoed off the walls, completely drowning out the soft clicking sounds as Gabriel Patterson, the third member of Adventure Inc., steadily typed away at his lap top computer.

Arms laden with bags and boxes from their shopping excursion, Judson Cross promptly deposited them in the kitchen before returning to the living room. "Ha ha, Mac. Very funny. Can we just drop it now?"

Mac smiled sweetly at her companion. "No." She plopped herself into an armchair directly across from where Gabe sat on the couch. "Gabe! You've got to hear this!" She leaned forward, elbows resting on knees, and began the animated retelling of the day's events. "We were shopping at Smith's Market over on Broadway and Third when this ancientwoman walks up to Judson…"

"Oh, come on, now! She wasn't that old," Judson protested from where he was stationed, standing behind the couch.

"She was seventy if she was a minute," Mac retorted through a chuckle. "Anyway, this old woman comes up to Judson, puts her hands over her heart and gasps."

"Hey! I thought she was having a heart attack!"

Mac chuckled again. "So, Judson, being the good Samaritan he is, puts his arm around her waist and asks if she's alright, if she needed to sit down. The woman…what did she say her name was?"

"Tiffany," Judson provided with a roll of his eyes.

"Oh yes, Tiffany. Well, this seventy-year-old Tiffany throws her arms around Judson's neck and proclaims that he must be an angel sent from above to answer her prayers."

Judson groaned and excused himself to the kitchen where he grabbed a beer for himself. He returned to his position behind the couch and downed half of the bottle in one swallow. He glanced down at Gabe only to find him still clicking away on the computer's keyboard.

Mac's continued her story. "Tiffany begins screaming at the top of her lungs, 'Chastity! Chastity!' Of course, Judson and I have absolutely no idea what's going on with this woman, but the answer soon saunters down the aisle towards us in the form of another woman." Mac leaned back in the chair as she was momentarily incapacitated by a fit of giggles. "This other woman walks up and, I'm telling you, Gabe, you've just got to picture it! She's wearing hot pink, spandex Capri pants, a low cut blouse, and her bleach-blonde hair was styled in a bouffant that would have been the envy of the town – 30 or 40 years ago! It was hard to tell how old she was because she wore so much make-up in an attempt to look younger that it actually made her look worse! In the cart she was pushing, there was a baby and a couple of toddlers and several more young kids were trailing behind her. There were, what, 6 in all?"

"Seven, if you count the one she was obviously pregnant with." Judson downed another healthy swallow of his beer.

Gabe continued to type away. Click clickety-click click.

"Tiffany started lamenting about how she was afraid her poor granddaughter, Chastity – CHASTITY!" Mac bit back a bark of laughter, "was never going to find a nice guy, settle down and get married. I thought Judson's eyes were going to pop right out of his head when Tiffany pushed him and Chastity together and proclaimed, loud enough for the entire store to hear, what a cute couple they were."

"I'd just met the woman!" Judson jumped in. "She didn't have a clue if I was a serial killer, let alone a nice guy!" He swallowed more beer and glanced again at Gabe.

Click clickety-click click.

"Well, apparently, Chastity was just as interested in Judson as Tiffany was, because she began to get awfully friendly. She cuddled right up to Judson, hands roaming everywhere – and I do mean everywhere." Mac gave a sly smile and a knowing wink to Gabe.

Click clickety-click click.

"Then, Chastity started bugging him for his phone number. Instead of finding a polite way to refuse, Judson actually exchanged numbers with her! Can you believe it?"

Click clickety-click click.

"After Judson finally managed to extricate himself from the women, we raced to the checkout and out of the store." Mac's smile grew impossibly wider. "While we were loading the car, Tiffany and Chastity came out of the store and Tiffany shouted out, 'Bye bye, Sweetheart! I know I'll be seeing a lot more of you and your lovely daughter!'"

Mac began laughing so hard she nearly fell out of the chair and tears streamed down her cheeks. "They thought that I was… That Judson was my… Judson was NOT pleased."

"I'm not THAT old!" Judson protested, sounding very much like a petulant child, which only served to fuel Mac's laughter.

It was several long minutes before Mac managed to regain control of herself and finally realized that she was the only one enjoying the bit of humor. She didn't expect anything from Judson, but surely, Gabe would appreciate the story. She wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and shifted her gaze to her young friend.

Click clickety-click click.

Gabe continued to type on the computer, apparently oblivious to everything around him.

"Gabe?" When she received no response, Mac exchanged a confused look with Judson before shrugging her shoulders.

"As funny as you think that was, Mac, I'm going to get the last laugh. I gave Chastity Gabe's cell phone number."

Click clickety-click click.

Gabe continued to type while staring intently at the computer screen.

A mischievous glimmer lit Judson's eyes as he watched Gabe diligently working on the computer. "The most surprising and exciting thing was when the aliens came."

Mac's head snapped up from her study of Gabe and her eyes came to rest on Judson's smiling face. Judson winked and Mac was quick to pick up on the thread. "I don't know why that was such a surprise to you, Judson. You've been in contact with them for weeks now."

"Yes, well, I guess I expected them to be little green men with big black eyes like we see in movies. The surprise was that they were nine feet tall, purple, and had six orange eyes. They weren't very color coordinated."

Both friends kept their eyes fastened to their third.

Click clickety-click click.

"They may have been funny looking, but their mating rituals were out of this world!" Mac sighed deeply and fluttered her lashes, a dreamy expression on her face.

"That may be true, but the anal probes…" Judson gave a mock full-body shiver while Mac reverently lowered her head.

Click clickety-click click.

"GABE!" Finally, unable to take anymore, Judson shook his young friend's shoulder and shouted to get his attention.

"Huh…what?" The clicking of the keyboard ceased and Gabe finally looked to his friends. "Judson, Mac, you're here. When did you get back?" The question earned twin groans. "How did the shopping go? Anything exciting happen?"

Judson released a long-suffering sigh and Mac rolled her eyes.

"No, nothing exciting happened," Mac answered.

"We went shopping and came home. That's it. It was just another boring day," Judson provided as Mac stood and the two of them made their way back to the kitchen to put away their purchases.

Gabe stared in confusion at the retreating forms of his friends for a few moments before shrugging and returning to his computer. He hadn't had time to type in a single command when his cell phone rang.

"Hello? Who? Chastity?"

THE END