Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans
I need you. It is a simple thing, really. I need you to live… to breath. You keep me going on… but now, you are the one who cannot go on. You are the one who is alone. Or, that is what you think. You do not realize that we are all by your side. I am by your side. I guess I should be patient. I guess I should be content to let you figure this out on your own, but I cannot. It hurts me to watch you suffering. You caught me every time I fell, and now it is my turn to catch you… if you will let me. It is not a weakness… to cry. No, crying is good. It heals the soul.
I have not seen you for weeks now, why are you so reclusive? I think you are scared to let us see you hurting. But I do not care if you are feeling vulnerable now. It does not change how I feel about you. You are everything to me, and it will always be that way.
Starfire sighed, the icy window fogging with her breath. She squeezed her eyes shut, the winter sun smiling warmly on her closed lids. "Mmmm," she breathed, enjoying the tingling heat. Starfire stretched her long frame out on the window seat and tumbled from it, flopping lethargically onto the floor. The alien picked herself up and ran a slender hand through her auburn hair. It was early. The sun had just barely risen above the horizon and she was already awake and watching the sunrise from her perch on the recreation room window seat.
Starfire had deemed December a little too cold to watch the sunrise from the roof. She smiled softly. Robin often joined her in the mornings. Well, he used to. Recently, he'd avoided everyone in the tower. At first, she'd been concerned some villain had reared his ugly head and consumed her adored leader. But now she saw it was an internal monster tormenting him… one she could not fight for him. Her bottle green eyes flickered solemnly around the room. She sincerely wished she could keep her spirits up, but Robin's behavior troubled her.
Starfire yawned and ambled out of the room, wandering down the hall. She passed the doors of her teammates, each of the names engraved into the doors tugging up their own memories. Star grinned fondly. There was Raven, whom had been a silent companion to her and had patiently humored her desire to participate in the "girl talk." She recalled one memory in particular.
Raven had been writing in her room, transposing some words of wisdom from the book of Azar. Starfire had come bursting into the off-limits room, blubbering incoherently about some rude girls at the mall. Raven had, of course, been a little peeved by the uninvited entrance but had grudgingly consoled the red-head, telling her matter-of-factly that the model-figured blondes hadn't the brains to say anything more than immature snubs. This had, surprisingly, gotten Raven onto the topic of stereo-types and Starfire found herself rather awed by the Goth's impassioned rant that really boiled down to one fact. Raven thought humanity to be the scum of the universe.
Starfire gave a low chuckle as she passed the next room. Beast Boy. Beast Boy had been something of a brother to her, and the two had found it was necessary for the more optimistic population of the tower to stick together. If Robin was not available to help brighten her mood, Beast Boy inevitably popped up eager to help her reclaim her perky disposition over a plate of tofu.
As Starfire glanced across the hall, her grin broadened. Cyborg… was a darling. He was probably the most imposing of the titans in appearance (Raven making a close second despite her petite stature) but he was the gentlest person she'd ever met. Cyborg tended to be the most willing to join her in her random fits of jubilation and was always making sure she had some one to pal around with. He was also the most sympathetic to her situation with Robin. Cyborg was quite aware of how Star felt, and he steadfastly stood at her side and cleaned up after every mess the Boy Wonder made.
As she passed Robin's room, she couldn't help but feel something of a rain cloud pass over her. She really didn't know how to handle him. He was, beyond a doubt, her very best friend. But he was also the one who had wounded her the most. Maybe it was because she was the most sensitive to him, but it still baffled her. She knew that it was probably foolish of her to keep forgiving and remaining loyal to him. But in her heart there was no question to the fact she would be his friend until the end of time. She would go through hell for that boy.
Starfire turned abruptly to the training room, cringing as a harsh yell snapped at her ears and was followed by a loud thump that shuddered the hall. Robin… Starfire quietly slipped into the training room and bit her lip. Robin stood, staring in disgust at the fallen punching bag. He turned with a sweep of his cape and shifted his attentions to the walls. That would work. Robin ran at the wall and with another yell, he slammed his fist into the metal.
Starfire gave a quiet gasp as his hand came back, blood streaking down his knuckles. He began to furiously assault the wall and Starfire shook her head. Running over to him, she grabbed his wrist as he tried to land another blow to the wall. Robin went rigid in her hand, and he turned to stare at her stupidly. "What are you doing here?" he growled. Starfire swallowed and tilted her head to the side, ignoring the threatening tears that stung her eyes. She ached, seeing him hurting like this.
"Am I not allowed to be here?" she asked. Robin shook his head, jerking away from her.
"No. Go away," he snarled, swiftly planting another punch to the wall. Starfire shot her hands out and grabbed both of his hands firmly.
"Do not do this to yourself." She whispered softly, emerald eyes imploring. Robin shook his head, a bitter grimace forming on his face.
"You don't know what you're talking about. Just leave me alone, Star. That's and order," he snapped. Starfire sucked in a breath, but remained where she was.
"Robin… please… tell me what is wrong…" she murmured. Robin tried to get out of her grasp, but she held his wrists tight.
"You wouldn't get it! Just leave me alone!" he barked, breathing hard. Starfire's eyes lowered.
"Perhaps not. But you are not the only one who has felt loss…" she said quietly, peering up at him and wondering if she had guessed correctly. Robin's masked eyes widened and he opened and closed his mouth, unsure of how to respond. "Will you just let me try to help?" she asked, pulling him towards her. Robin struggled and Star sighed, dropping her hands to her sides.
"Look, I'm sorry but I just can't" he muttered, pain stabbing his voice. He turned away from her and started to leave, but Starfire spoke up.
"I will wait… until you are ready to heal… I can wait," she said, her voice feeling uncomfortably loud in the abrupt silence that filled the room. Robin stopped, aware of her eyes on his back. He was silent for a long time.
"How long?" he said slowly. Starfire blinked, startled.
"How long?" she repeated tentatively. Robin turned to face her again.
"How long will you wait for me?" he asked, his voice breaking. Starfire bit her lip and moved over to him, gingerly brushing her fingers over his cheek.
"As long as you want."
Robin nodded thoughtfully, as if it were hard to grasp the concept. "But you'll leave too," he said finally. Starfire shook her head, brows furrowed. "Yeah, you will. Just like they did. You won't stay, not forever," he nodded again, mostly to himself. His voice seemed so hollow.
"Robin…" she murmured. He cut her off.
"But if you'll wait… then… then I don't care if I can't have you forever," he seemed to decide this with a rather puzzling abruptness. With one swift movement, he'd cupped her chin in his hand and brought her to him, laying a hard kiss to her lips. He drew away and started to leave. He paused in the doorway and looked back at the dumb-struck princess. "I'm not ready…" he gave her a very small, anguished smile. "But someday… I'll be able to let them go. And then I can love you properly. Just not now," and with that last remorseful statement he walked away.
Starfire stood motionless, listening to the far away whoosh of his door as it closed. He wasn't ready… and that was… ok. Her finger absently came to rest on her lips. Pain was something that was hard to let go, and even harder to do so alone. But it was what he wanted… and she would wait. She would wait until he was ready to let her help him, or he had finally healed by himself. As long as he knew she was there, and as long as he knew he wasn't really alone it would all be ok. And she would thrive on the warmth of his kiss and the hope he would let her in someday soon. Until then, loving him would keep her going, these cold days.
Author's Note: Ok, first off, this sooo did not come out how I planned it, but I guess it's alright. It was supposed to have to do with his birhtday and all this other stuff... I kind of feel likeI rushed Robin's part but oh well. Secondly, THIS IS A ONE-SHOT! I would greatly appreciate it if you would refrain from telling me to update this story. Thank you!
Love, Princess Starfire of Tamaran