Ok, I really needed a break from typing up all the other chapters, and I was feeling in the mood for angst, so here it is!
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.
Slim fingers trailed in the water.
The ripples they caused seemed more erratic then usual, and one wouldn't have notice unless they were looking closely that it was because the fingers were circling slightly.
"Are you truly sorry for what you have done?"
The fingers stopped, and one of them twitched violently. A drop of water flew up into the air, landing on the girl's outstretched arm. She shivered again, and more water flew.
"Do you truly wish to be forgiven?"
A girl of about fifteen stood and shook the water off her hand. Her golden blonde hair swayed behind her, and she sat back down. She was not sure where she could go now.
"I have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all. Why should I feel sorry? I did it for others, and for those who knew nothing of pain."
"Do you feel pain?"
"…All the time."
The girl found herself letting her fingers skim across the water's surface again. A thoughtful look crossed her face, and she gently lowered her whole hand into the lake. Her arm followed it soon after. She lay there, on her stomach, one arm fully in the water.
"Do you ever wish to stop this?"
"And you don't stop because?"
"It wouldn't be right. You wouldn't understand. I wouldn't expect you to."
"I understand many things. Try me."
The girl suddenly kicked off both of her shoes, and turned around, pulling her arm away. She let both feet dangle off the dock and into the flooded lake. Her white blouse and shorts made her look like a normal person relaxing in the sun, but there was more to her than that.
"It hurts, when I finish it. I feel like I'm doing something right, and good for the world, but when I sleep, all I feel is guilt."
No one saw her as she lowered herself fully into the water, submerging her head for a long, long time.
"What do you think you could do to stop it?"
"I could die."
"There are many ways to do it. I could use a weapon, or I could make it look like an accident, or like someone else did it. Or I could disappear."
"I don't understand…"
"I didn't think you would. You think me crazy, for considering this. But life is not perfect for me."
"Life if perfect for no one."
"You would think so. But no one else must do what I do."
"Didn't you say there were others?"
"They do not do the whole job. They are witnesses, and witnesses only."
The girl suddenly came up for air, but did not suck it in greedily. Instead she forced herself to breathe normally. She climbed back onto the dock, and picked at her blouse, plastered against her skin.
"Thank the Gods for sports bras." She mumbled. She shook her hair out, and a light shower fell onto the wood next to her.
"How do you live with it, then?"
"I don't pray, you know. I don't believe in God."
"May I ask why?"
"I have died several times, and each time, I have brought myself back. God had nothing to do with it."
She picked up her white flip-flops and carried them in her hands as she walked across the grass. She could see them ahead of her now. They saw her too, and waved.
"Usagi-chan! Over here!"
She was suddenly crushed in a hug that ended quickly as Minako drew back.
"Wow! How'd you get so wet, Usagi-chan?" She put her shoes down and stepped into them, wringing out her hair.
"I walked into a sprinkler. Same old me, ne?" The girls surrounding her laughed, but only a grim smile swept across her features. When had it become so easy to lie to them?
"Usagi-chan, you wanna got to the park?" She shook her head. She had just been there.
"Nah. Let's go to the arcade instead, ok?" They agreed with her, and began walking. A scream interrupted them, and they all glanced at each other. In a moment they had henshined and were running to the park, where she had been before.
The youma was decidedly normal looking, despite the huge red tail and furry ears and green skin. The senshi made short work of it, and de-transformed.
"Let's go to the arcade now, ok?" Makoto let her hands rise lazily in the air.
"If you don't believe in God, why do you insist on coming here?"
"It is a solace. It is the only place where I can feel some sort of happiness, and have some of this burden lifted from my shoulders. Here, I am forgiven."
"Sorry guys, I just realized I have to get something for my mom. I'll meet you there, ok?" She lied again, with a straight face. Rei nodded.
"Ok, Odango, but don't be late!" They wandered off, and she started running.
She sprinted away from them, the arcade, her home, and the park. She sprinted away from him, especially.
"I wonder why he still loves me."
"Obviously, my child, he finds you to be wonderful."
"He calls me an angel. Angels aren't merciless."
She pushed open the heavy wooden doors, and ignored the sense of ambiguity as she entered the small room in the back.
"As always." Long ago, she had learned to still her voice when she was here. She had learned to ignore the pain she felt.
"You'll always be coming back, then?"
"Let's just start, ok?"
"As you wish. You know the routine." The young man settled back in his chair as Usagi began to recite what she now knew by heart.
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been a day since my last confession…" Her words echoed in the empty church.
When she left, the young priest sighed and watched the gold streamers she called hair bounce down the street.
She pulled at her bangs, and blew them back. There was the sense of joy she always felt, for about a moment after. But now there was something she had to do…
After immersing herself in the water again, she sat down on the dock and pulled her knees in close.
"You said you have been baptized? Yet you are not Catholic."
"I wash my sins away. You saying you've forgiven me isn't enough."
Her communicator began to beep abruptly, and tears threatened to fall from her eyes.
"Hey, youma in the park! Can you make it?"
"Be there in a second, V-Babe." She pushed the off button, and sighed. "Some angel I am."
She felt the rush of adrenaline in her veins, and pounced out the window. Angels could lose their wings, after all.
What do you think?