Note From the Editor/Author: Due to the original version of this fanfic being removed for this website due to having been written in script format, I have taken the liberty of rewriting the entire story in story format. Personally, I think this fanfic works better in its original format, but please try to enjoy anyway!
Disclaimer: If I owned the original Sonic Anime (which is owned by Sega, Taki Cor., and ADV Films), it would've been more well-written, and Sara would've been a more likable girl.
Author's Note: I'll say this clearly - I don't like the Sonic Anime much. I guess it's because I prefer the American-written AoSTH and SatAM shows over the Japanese-produced "Sonic X". (And considering that the US Sonic cartoons were made by DiC Entertainment, that's really saying something.) While this anime marks Knuckles' animated debut, and the only cartoon to feature Metal Sonic, I just don't like the whiny character of Sara. Amy Rose and Cream the Rabbit are rather whiny themselves, but at least they don't whine every minute of screen time like Sara does. Anyway, it's for this reason I've written my own script for the Sonic Anime OVA, which you can buy at Best Buy for $9.99, if you care.
Lights came on in a very dark room. In the middle of this big computerized room was a floating Metal Sonic.
In the shadows, Dr. Robotnik spoke as he watched his creation floating in front of him. "At last, you're almost complete, Hyper Metal Sonic! Once I've captured Sonic's essential DNA, I can get you to kill him, and then... I'LL GO ON NATIONAL TELEVISION!"
He laughed manically as Metal Sonic's eyes started glowing in the dark.
Sonic The Hedgehog
The Anime Movie
(Er, "my" meaning Nintendo Maximus...)
Somewhere in the sky, an owl was driving some kind of rocket-powered plane. He was driving it rather slowly, I might add. I don't know why he wasn't just flying by himself, considering his species. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that his species was supposed to be asleep at that hour.
The sequence then changed it focus to some sort of floating island. There was a big canyon with some kind of abandoned rocketship stuck in it. On the beach in front of that ship-bearing mountain, Sonic the Hedgehog rested himself in his favorite beach chair. It was a pretty beautiful day outside, so he had good reason to be sitting there looking like he was trying to get a tan, rather than zooming around like he usually did. Never mind that he was an abnormal-colored hedgehog.
Just then, his more capable sidekick, Mile Prowers, better known as Tails, came running out of the ship, carrying a bodyboard and speaking with a voice that made him sound like he had a cold. "Hey Sonic! Check this out! I made us a jet-propelled bodyboard! Wanna try it out?"
"Nah, you know how the sea and I don't get along." Sonic spoke in a voice that sounded like he came from Britain.
"Fine, be that way." Tails headed off into the water.
"Anyway, you oughta stay out of the water with a cold like that." Sonic turns on his radio, and it starts playing rock music.
Tails started up his bodyboard and started zooming around in the water, laughing like he was on crack. All the while, he continually splashed Sonic. Sonic growled and lifted his sunglasses.
"Look at me, Sonic!" Tails shouted. "The water can be fun!"
"I told you to stay out of the water!" Before he could take a rest again, Sonic suddenly heard some sort of crash. He looked and saw a stream of water coming from Tails' jets in the distance. At least, that's what it looked like. "Aaaaaah, screw it." And he attempted to continue his rest.
"Sonic! Get me out of this mess!" Tails whined. "You know how I'm so accident-prone!"
Sonic twitched ear, then jumped and screamed, "I SAID, SCREW IT!" But he was suddenly knocked out of his chair by the owl's rocket-plane, which Tails was yelling about.
Using his two tails, Tails flew over to his idol. "Sonic? Are you alright, Sonic?"
Sonic got up and rubbed his nose. "Of course I'm alright. But wait'll I get my hands on whoever just broke my chair."
"Howdy, Sonic!" the old owl yelled from his plane. "I have something to tell you."
"Oh, it's that stupid Oldman again." Sonic scoffed. "Why'd the President get such an incompetent messenger?"
"Sonic! He's in deep shit!" said Tails. "We gotta get him out!"
"Forget it! He wrecked my beach chair; he can get himself out of his deep shit!"
"Oh, you're such a party pooper!" Tails flew after Oldman's plane. "Just 'cause I'm a sidekick doesn't mean I can't help! Sir!" he yelled as he caught up with the plane.
"Oh, hello, Tails," said Oldman. "I've got some important news for Master Sonic."
"Put it aside; your stupid rocket's burning up!" said Tails.
Oldman looked at the burning rockets. "Really? I thought my air conditioner was broken!"
"Well, try to stay on track while I get it fixed!" Tails was suddenly blasted a foot away by the flames. "Aaaaagh! Stupid jet! Mess with me, huh!" He continued to fly after Oldman's rocketplane, which then proceeded to knock down Sonic and his beach chair again. After quite some time, Tails jumped on the wing to straighten the plane.
"Fancy straightening!" commented Oldman.
"Yeah, I somehow learned it while practicing on my bodyboard!" said Tails.
Oldman laughed. "Good thing, too!"
Tails looked forward. "Uh..."
"What's up now?"
"What the hell do you..." Oldman focused his glasses and saw what Tails was trying to point out. They were heading for a cliff.
Tails let out a little girl scream. "Sonikku!"
Sonic had been trying to set up his chair again when he suddenly heard Tails' yelp. Finally springing into action, he ran onto the cliff and hit the plane. But miraculously, he, Tails, and Oldman escaped unharmed.
"Merci, Sonic!" said Tails. "Merci!"
Sonic winked. "Wrong guy."
Later, on the shore, Oldman was weeping horribly as Sonic and Tails stared at him.
"Isn't it past your bedtime, Oldman?" Sonic had a nearby crab pinch the blind animal. "Oldman, you'd better have a good reason for wrecking my chair twice in one hour!"
"Well, I'm sorry to have wrecked your chair, Mr. Sonic." Oldman said, speaking to a rather tall blue flower nearby. "It's not like I knew you'd be picking today to lay on the beach for no particular reason! Besides, I'm an owl! It's not like I can see good in the day!"
"Sir, weren't you trying to bring us some news?" Tails asked.
"Well, it's got something to do with the boss. He..." Oldman suddenly realized he was talking to a flower, and then responded by rushing up to another blue flower and talking to it. "Uhhh... the President..."
"...Has some beer waiting for us at his house!" guessed Sonic.
"Yes! Yes! I think that's it."
"Y'know, you should've told us that on the phone."
Oldman sweatdropped. "Bite me. I don't have one."
In about 30 seconds, Sonic & Tails readied up their biplane, the Tornado. Down below, Oldman stupidly waved in the wrong direction.
"Oldman!" Sonic called. "Make sure no one takes our chili dog stash!"
"Righto, sir!" said Oldman. "I'll make you a good one!"
"No, you won't." Sonic turned to Tails. "Wanna do it to it?"
"Yeah!" Tails revved up the engines and got the plane running.
"See you later, nicetimes!" Oldman laughed as they flew off into the distance.
Later, inside the Presidential House on South Island...
"Well, Mr. President, aside from the booze," Sonic asked, "what'd you call us up for?"
The chair behind the desk swiveled around, revealing Dr. Robotnik. "There's no booze here at all, Sonic. But it's good to see you again."
"Dr. Robotnik!" Tails stated the obvious.
"Thank you for not calling me Eggman. Sic 'em, boys!" Robotnik commanded.
Two gun-toting SWATbots appeared behind Sonic and Tails, but were quickly wasted.
"For that kind of thanks, you could've at least given us chili dogs." Sonic prepared to spin-dash at Robotnik.
"No, Sonic, don't do it!" said a voice behind him. The camera turned to reveal the so-called President of Mobius, who could stand to lose some weight, and his daugther Sara, who could stand to get a better voice. They were both being held captive by SWATbots. "Sonic, Robotnik is invading the planet capitol for a reason."
"That's unfair shit, Robuttnik." Sonic growled as his nemesis chortled.
"Yeah!" Tails jumped onto the desk. "You're probably hiding their beer unless they let you take over South Island, right?"
Robotnik laughed and jumped over the desk. "Not really! Would I give them beer in exchange for their Dr. Peppers?"
"Yes!" said all the SWATbots, in unison.
Robotnik facefell, then got back up. "Listen up, Spikeball! The entire Planet Freedom is at risk here!"
"Nuh-uh! We live on Planet Mobius!" Sonic corrected.
"Well, what about little Sara here?" Robotnik indicated the President's whiny daughter.
"This whole thing sucks!" Sara whined.
"I, uh... I think he has a point there, Sonic." The President looked desparate.
"Fine." Sonic was getting relaxed on the desk. "Give us the shizzat."
"Thank you, Sonic, I will!" Robotnik produced a hologram of Mobius. "As you all know well, Planet Mobius is made up of two separate dimensions. The outer one you happen to live in is known as the Fancy Lit-Up Land..."
"The continents never floated before!" objected Sonic.
"Shut the hell up, Spikeball!" Robotnik spat. "Anyway, the inner dimension is the Slighty-Dark Land. There, I was just minding my own business in the city of Robotropolis, when this hunk of junk named Metal-Robotnik came in from the village of Nowhere and had his SOB army of robots kick me out of my house. Then, he screwed around with my Robot Generator, which happens to create the city's electricity and is not to be confused with my Roboticizer which makes my robot slaves. Either way, it's running amuck, and the excess electricity is unable to be stored for some reason. Unless someone does something about it by tomorrow's sunrise, there will be a BIG BOOM!" The doctor looked around and saw that everyone else fell asleep during his flashback. "Fine! You've ruined my speech!" He popped the hologram with a pin, waking everyone up.
"How exactly are we supposed to avoid this Big Boom?" asked the President.
"I figured that I should send the Fastest Thing Alive into Robotropolis and stop the generator." Robotnik pointed a finger at the hedgehog. "Since I'm not willing to make any more Sonic Tonic, I called you up, Sonic!"
Sonic continued to rub his nose. "I got my beach chair wrecked for this! Screw it, Robo-butt; you make me bust my ass in every game."
The President broke free of the SWATbots. "No no no, Sonic! He's talking about a Big Boom he hasn't intended! It will blow up Mobius if you don't get moving!"
Sonic sighed, not paying any attention.
Sara broke free too. "Please, Sonic! If you save the planet, I'll give you some noogie!"
Sonic jumped off of the desk. "No chance, Sara! I already have four girlfriends; I don't need another one!"
"But what about the well-being of Mobius?" Tails asked. "Don't you care about that?"
"Don't you?" asked Sara.
"Don't you?" the President repeated.
"Fffffine," muttered Sonic.
"Excellent!" proclaimed Tails.
Robotnik placed some sort of wrist-watch on Tails' wrist. "You're gonna be needing this, sprout. It's a navigator-watch that should get you to Robotropolis. Just like in the 'Looney Tunes' movie!"
"Let's get goin' and stop some snivellin'!" said Sonic.
Sonic and Tails headed back to their plane and took off into the sky. Sonic was somehow able to stand on the wing without falling off.
"Hey, did you refill the gas while we were at the President's?" he asked Tails.
"Of course I did! Just 'cause your name's engraved on the side doesn't mean I'm not mature enough to handle the plane!"
"I guess so."
"Geez, I hope we get some root beer out of all this."
Back at the President's house, Robotnik and Sara were playing a fighting video game on some sort of hologram projector crossbred with a Sega Saturn. Because Sara was a totally inexperienced player, Robotnik easily beat her. In the background, some SWATbots fanned the President while another one washed the windows.
Sara kicked and screamed. "No no no no no noooo! You rotten SOB! You never let me win! Let's play one more time."
Robotnik threw his controller on the ground. "Forget it! I'm sick of hearing you bitching and whining just 'cause you suck at this!"
"I'll tell Jen about this."
"OK, start again." Again, Robotnik kicked her ass.
Sara kicked and screamed again. "No no no! It simply can't be done! I quit! I wanna go to Disneyland."
"No way! That's in a whole other state!" Robotnik didn't like putting up with Sara's whining.
"No no! I wanna go to Disneyland now!"
Suddenly, a giant robot crashed through the wall and opened its stomach compartment.
"What the hell--!" The President looked up from his SWATbot harem.
"Woohoo! This kicks ass, Robotnik! I get to drive first." Sara jumped into the robot.
Robotnik chuckled, not noticing his right glove was missing at the moment. Then he jumped into the robot. "No, you little DOB! Keep your grimy paws off..." The stomach compartment closed and the robot took off.
As one of the SWATbots held up a sign saying "Bye Sara", the President climbed over his desk. "No! You took my cocoa butter!"
In the meantime, Sonic and Tails were still flying. Suddenly, the wind got unfriendly as they took notice of a hurricane-thingy that had appeared from out of nowhere.
"Whoa!" said Sonic. "That must be the front door to the Slightly-Dark Land!"
"Yeah, and now the winds just got unfriendly!" Tails stated the obvious again. "What a time for us to find the place!"
They flew right into the vortex, during which Sonic nearly fell off the wing. They crashed the plane right onto a cliff. But even though this is an anime I'm parodying, they somehow survived.
"You okay, Tails?" Sonic asked.
"Oh sure, I'm fine, but how are we going to fix the Tor-" Tails suddenly gasps at the panorama in front of them.
"So this is the Slighty-Dark Land."
"Then that means Robotropolis isn't far behind!"
"Let's go then!"
So they dashed off in search of Robotropolis, all the while passing through all sorts of dangers those of you reading this might recognize from the games, ranging from spikes to Caterkillers and Buzzbombers.
"Ugh! This stinks!" Sonic griped. "I haven't seen one chili dog stop this whole trip!"
"But we're looking for Robotropolis, not a fast food joint!" Tails checked his watch. "Besides, there's a warp zone right ahead."
So they went through the warp zone and ended up in some sort of dark version of New York City.
"Where the hell are we now?" Sonic asked.
"Well, the navigator tells me that this is the city of ancient relics." Tails explained.
"Relics? Preposterous! This looks more like New York City than Egypt."
"Well, Robotropolis can't be far away now. Why don't we just stand on a skyscraper and look for it?"
"Okey-dokey." Sonic dashed up a skyscraper and looked to see buildings sinking into ocean. "Hey, are these the relics you just mentioned?"
"Yeah," said Tails, "and the Robot Generator's probably causing reactions under the ground to do that!"
"Uh, I knew that!" Sonic looked annoyed.
Just then, lightning struck in the background. Tails clung to Sonic. "Auuugh! SOB lightning!"
Sonic dashed back down to ground and ran straight ahead. "Ugh, this place better have a tavern."
Tails followed. "Maybe you should've asked Robotnik that."
They were suddenly knocked away by an big explody beam that came from out of nowhere. As they picked themselves up, they could see a gigantic robot in the likeness of Robotnik appearing in front of them, cackling like some other anime villain.
"Uh, are you Metal-Robotnik?" Tails asked.
"Yeah, I'm Metal Robotnik," the behemoth replied. "You were expecting the ghost of Lord Farquaad possessing Woody Woodpecker?"
"No, we were expecting you to let us pass," said Sonic as Tails made an inappropriate gesture. "Move your dumb ass!"
"You'll pay for that language!" Metal-Robotnik revealed his guns and shot at Sonic & Tails unsuccessfully. "Let me shoot you!" he yelled. "I'm missing 'Jerry Springer'!" Sonic tried to kicks Metal-Robotnik in the head, but he only succeeded in hurting his foot. "Ha! This armor will be the mustard that makes the sandwich of your doom!" When he said that, Tails flew in front of him. Metal-Robotnik tried to swat him, but Tails dodged just in time, and the giant ended up hitting himself in the face. "Aaagh! Sonuva..." he cursed.
"Ha ha!" Sonic & Tails laughed.
"You little SOBs!" Metal-Robotnik started blasting again as they hide behind a bus. "Come out, come out, wherever you are..."
"We can't mess with this guy now!" said Sonic. "We gotta stop the Robot Generator."
"Wait a sec... it's just past that highway that wasn't there before!" Tails pointed to the highway in question.
"Nice plot deduction!"
"Yo, Black-Eggman!" Sonic called as he and Tails got on top of said highway.
Metal-Robotnik faced them. "WHAT!"
"This battle's putting us behind schedule, so we'll squeeze you in later." Sonic gave his gigantic adversary the middle finger as Tails stuck out his tongue.
"Don't call me that!" Metal-Robotnik growled as he unfolded wings and activated his jets, ruining a perfectly good cape in the process.
"OH, CRAAAAAP!" Sonic & Tails dashed off, with Metal-Robotnik flying after them.
"Why does everyone get to fly but me?" Sonic whined.
"Aaaah!" Tails screamed as Metal-Robotnik attempted to grab him. "He wants my balls!"
"Let's do it to it, then!" Without noting that it would question his sexual identity, Sonic grabbed Tails by the hand and zoomed off. Metal-Robotnik blasted the bridge, making a huge gap in front of them. Sonic & Tails stopped just in time. "That had to be close!" gasped Sonic.
Metal-Robotnik stood over them with his gun raised. "Oh, you sure? It's really unfortunate that you two are aquaphobic, is it not?" And he blasted the ground they were standing on, causing them to fall into the gap.
Aaaaah!" Sonic & Tails managed to grab onto the girders underneath. Hanging for dear life, they made drowning noises. "We can't swim 'cause Sega doesn't know good characters abilities!" Sonic muttered.
"Well, I guess that's one thing to scratch off my to-do list," they heard Metal-Robotnik saying.
"Ha! What an idiot!" Tails taunted to himself.
"Yeah! What a chump!" said Sonic.
Lightning struck again. "Iiiee!" Tails clung to Sonic again.
The hedgehog looked annoyed. "Not again..."
They tried to progress onwards, but they suddenly heard Metal-Robotnik's voice again. "Peek-a-boo, I see 'ou!" His thundering voice startled Tails. "You must think my IQ is 2, right?" And he started shooting glue at them through his butt.
"What's this supposed to be?" Sonic picked at the glue-stuff. "Cheese boogers?"
Tails was suddenly hit and nailed to a fence. "Crapmonkeys!"
"Crapmonkeys?" repeated Sonic.
"I like the names you've suggested - Crapmonkey Cheeseboogers!" Metal-Robotnik fired missiles at Sonic, causing an explosion. Not far away, this explosion caught the attention of Knuckles, who happeeds to be digging outside the city, and was wearing an Aussie hat. Back in the fray, Metal-Robotnik approached Tails. "Now to carve your name on your grave, Foxy."
"You still have the Powerpuff Girls to worry ab-" Tails suddenly noticed Sonic coming in on one of the missiles. "Oh, never mind!"
"Take this, Black-Man-Who-Isn't-Black!" shouted Sonic.
Metal-Robotnik let out a little girl scream and tried to run, but he got hit in the back by his own missile, which Sonic jumped off of just in time. Then it started to rain.
"Why's it raining?" Tails asked.
But instead of answering his little buddy's question, Sonic noticed he had landed his feet in some of the glue from one of the previous missiles. "Aw no..."
Metal-Robotnik stepped forward, crushing the ground underneath his feet. "You may be the fastest thing alive, but when you're not, you're just an ordinary slow-mo. I can't believe you dared to challenge me!"
"Sonic!" Tails squealed. "I have to take a dump!"
Metal-Robotnik prepared to shoot Sonic, but he was suddenly knocked down by...
"Knuckles!" Tails shouted the red echidna's name.
"Expecting Sonic's siblings?" Knuckles glided away after freeing Tails.
Tails tried to hover but couldn't. "No, but you could've unstuck my tails!" That's when he saw a piece of metal fall off of Metal-Robotnik. "Oh, goodie!" He grabbed it and used it as a surfboard. "Surf's up!"
"Hey, this ain't fair!" whined Metal-Robotnik as he fought Knuckles.
Tails tried to free Sonic, who was water-logged at the moment. "Keep breathing, idiot!"
Knuckles dodged Metal-Robotnik's fire, only to step in some glue himself. "Aw, shit!" he muttered.
Metal-Robotnik tried to shoot, but nothing came out. "No buwwets weft? Well, I still have this, laughing boy!" And he grabbed Knuckles with his shooting hand.
But at the point, Tails heaved Sonic from the glue. The mutant hedgehog then sawed off Metal-Robotnik's hand, saving Knuckles. "Thanks for helping, Knux," he said.
"Shouldn't it be the other way around?" nitpicked Knuckles.
"Hhhhh, there goes my insurance." Metal-Robotnik took off into the thundering sky.
"Hey, come back here, you big turkey!" Sonic taunted.
"You'll pay my insurance when next we meet!" Metal-Robotnik called back.
"That's what he thinks!" Knuckles glided through the air after Metal-Robotnik, pulling Sonic along with him. Sonic spin-dashed through the flying robot, causing it to explode and fall into the ocean.
Upon that, Robotnik and Sara pop their heads out. Apparently, they had been inside the robot the whole time, and somehow, Sonic's attack didn't kill them.
"So, Sonic thinks he's invincible just 'cause he stopped Metal-Robotnik?" Robotnik bit. "Well, he'll be one sorry glory hog when he reaches Robotropolis!"
Sara hits him on the head with a metal pole. "You listen here, Ivo! I may not have sexual interest in Sonic, but you'd better not hurt him!"
"Thanks for saving our butts, Knuckles," thanked Sonic.
"Yeah, it's not every day you run into people you know when you're hunting for treasure on a whole other dimension." Knuckles slung his treasure-hunting bag over his shoulder.
"Your chair got wrecked too?" Tails asked.
"Not really, but there's big chocolate-covered ants somewhere." Knuckles licked his lips.
Just then, the clouds parted and the sun started to set. In the distance, the three mutants could see a complex city with its lights forming the shape of Robotnik.
"Oh my god!" gasped Tails. "Our timer's running low!"
"Isn't that Robotnik's house over there?" asked the sunglasses-wearing Knuckles.
"It is! Smell ya later, Knux!" Sonic ran off.
"Yeah! Bye!" Tails flew after Sonic. They hadn't gotten very far when Knuckles caught up with them. "Hey, what are you-"
"This is my animated debut; I wanna make the most of it!" Knuckles glided ahead of them. "Besides, I'm not gonna be this nice to you on 'Sonic X'."
"You got a point, Knuckles!" Sonic spin-dashed after him.
Tails followed, laughing on crack again.
Yep, because these script-to-story transitions take such a while to do, I'm splitting this parody into two chapters. I'll post the rest tomorrow!