Summary: Sam screwed her eyes shut and wet her lips. Her mother had always said she'd have to kiss a lot of frogs before she found her prince. Slight S/J, but that's between you, me, and a pond full of frogs.
Category: Humor, Action/Adventure
Season: Seven, no spoilers
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Minor language
Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

Just a Kiss by iamdragonrider

Chapter 1: A Frog, A Scientist, and a Colonel

"P3X-468. This appears to be a temple honoring the goddess Heqet, who in ancient Egypt was considered the Goddess of childbirth, creation, and grain germination. She was generally depicted as a frog or had a frog for a head." Dr. Daniel Jackson clicked his remote and the picture on the screen changed from one of a temple in crumbling ruins to bring up a picture of an Egyptian drawing of a female goddess with a frog head.

"Wow, talk about a bad hair day. And some women complain about having dry reptilian skin." Colonel Jack O'Neill had no problem interrupting the oration. He also had no problem ignoring the daggers that his 2IC, Major Samantha Carter, was sending his way with her glare.

"Are frogs not amphibians O'Neill, and not dry at all?" While Teal'c had been on Earth for several years, he could still be easily confused by subtle word choices. On the other hand, the large dark Jaffa warrior often understood a lot more than he let on and used moments like these as rare attempts at understanding and using Tauri humor.

Trying to regain control of the briefing before it was too late, Daniel jumped back in, "Actually, Teal'c is right. Heqet is usually associated with water, which is why the animal that represents her is the frog. Anyway," and Daniel clicked the next slide, bringing up pictures of the temple walls. "The MALP was able to record these inscriptions from the temple, as well as," he paused to click the next slide noticing Sam sitting up and beaming over the next item, "a second structure, which appears to be a shrine of some sort about an hour's walk from the gate. MALP telemetry indicates a possible power source, maybe a potential piece of technology." He looked to General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill, and then shrugged. "Sam and I aren't sure what any of it means yet, but we think it's worth a trip. As far as we can tell, both sites look to have been abandoned for years." With that, Daniel clicked another button summoning the lights in the briefing room back to full power.

General Hammond shuffled his papers, and looked to Colonel O'Neill, who shrugged, and rumpled his short salt and pepper hair with one hand. The Colonel didn't see any reason why they couldn't go. There was a nice temple full of squiggly inscriptions for Daniel and a possible doohickey for Carter. There was even a pond that might have some fish in it, though somehow he doubted the General would let him take his gear along. Oh well. Didn't mean he couldn't find something to use once he was there. Maybe there'd even be some sort of Jaffa meditation ah… thing for Teal'c to do there. "Let's take the kids and go play, sir. I promise not to let them stay up too late." he said with an irreverent grin.

The General had to duck his head to hide his sudden smirk. When the older man's head rose a moment later his face was serious again. "Very well. SG-1, you have a go. You leave at 0900 tomorrow."


SG-1 Stepped through the open wormhole onto alien soil. The frog sitting on the DHD should have told them something about things to come, but Jack only found it amusing.

"Friend of yours Carter?" Jack pulled his sunglasses out and slipped them on before laying his hands causally on his P-90, moving towards the perimeter and surveying the gently waving grasslands.

"Uh, no sir." Sam gently shooed the frog off the DHD to make sure it was in working order, before moving to watch Daniel's six, who as predicted, was already crouched down beside the nearest temple wall bearing inscriptions, his notebook open, hastily jotting notes. The planet's soft breeze gently ruffled the archeologist's short brownish blonde hair and Sam just smiled indulgently and faced outwards from the site, keeping alert for threats, knowing it would be her turn soon. Sure enough, the Colonel and Teal'c were already on their way back, having established a brief perimeter check, and Jack just grinned at the man's enthusiasm, nodding to Carter.

"Carter, you're with me, let's go check out that doohickey of yours. Teal'c, you and Daniel hold down the fort, Carter and I'll be back in time for supper." Jack grinned over his shoulder at Teal'c's solemn parting nod. Sam was already striding ahead down the overgrown path, barely able to contain her eagerness to study the new device, although she was too much of a soldier to let it get in the way of her duty. He was pleased to note that she kept her hands on her weapon and remained alert, checking her surroundings at all times. They traveled mostly in companionable silence for about half an hour. Finally Jack moved to catch up with his teammate.

"So, Carter," Jack said, falling in step beside the tall blonde Major and making conversation. "Any idea what this thing is? You must have some idea."

"No sir." She shook her head and stepped over some rocks in the pathway, scanning the trail ahead. Due to the flat nature of the grassland, they could now see part of the second building while the very top of the stargate was still visible in the distance behind them. Sunlight glinted off a small body of water, from the MALP telemetry; Jack knew this was the pond that the sensors had indicated.

Jack raised an eyebrow at her response. "Really? No idea?" His response was playful, a little teasing. It wasn't often that Carter, as brilliant as she was, admitted to not having the answer to something.

She ducked her head and smiled. "Really sir. No idea."

He grinned and looked away, scoring a silent point for himself, continuing the rest of the way in silence. When they reached the second smaller building, they quickly scouted the area to make sure they were alone. They found nothing but a rather good-sized pond full of frogs hopping, splashing, and swimming about. Jack was disappointed to note that the pond seemed absent of fish. The frogs ignored the two humans. The air echoed with the croaks and splashes of the amphibians. But other than the frogs, they were the only living beings in the area, and seemed to have been the only ones to have ventured by in a long time, as the area had a very deserted feeling to it. Deciding all was in order, Jack admonished Carter not to turn the thing on, (he'd seen how she'd practically gone into raptures of joy when her eyes had lit on the device and energy readings) to which she only gave him an unreadable look, and started setting up her equipment while he scouted the surrounding area, but it seemed to be just them and the frogs.


Left alone, Sam had quickly settled in and before long had several analysis running on the unusual object in the center of the odd half oval open ended building, which looked a bit more like a temple than a building in a way, well, more like a shrine in some respects. The pond came right up to the shrine, and smooth stone steps led down from a dais upon which the device rested and went right into the pond water. Another set of stairs led from the pathway they had traveled on the other side of the dais from the pond and made more sense since they were leading down to solid ground. Sam wasn't sure why the one set of stairs went right into the water; there might be some sort of cultural significance or something. Perhaps Daniel should come and take a look at it, and after all there were a few engravings here and there about the device and on a few of the columns and walls around the shrine, that might just help her to figure out the working of the thing. Sam was just about to speak into her radio to see what the archeologist was doing when something large and green plopped unexpectedly into the center of a jumble of sensitive electronic equipment, making Sam jump with a yelp. Realizing what it was a moment later; Sam took a hasty step toward the pile, making waving motions with her hands.

"Hey! You! Shoo! Get away from there! Shoo!" The frog didn't budge, and continued to look at her. Frowning, Carter bit her lip. Well, she had no problem picking up frogs. Crouching down and trying to be careful not to dislodge the equipment any further, Sam reached down intending to scoop up the wayward frog, but the frog had other ideas.

Where there had one moment been a frog, there was suddenly a green blur, headed straight for her face. And no matter how comfortable Sam was with handling a frog, nothing made her very comfortable with having one in her face, so suddenly having a face full of fog caused one Major Samantha Carter to let out a very uncharacteristic scream and made her stumble backwards down the stairs, where she landed in a rather undignified manner on her rear end.

Unperturbed, the frog leapt across her laptop, leaving a slimy trail. "Hey!" she shouted. The frog ignored her, jumping onto her notebook, almost as if taunting her. That did it. She was pissed off now. "Get back here you little sh…" She lunged for the little green demon spawn, but the frog was way more skilled at this that she was, and dodged adroitly out of the way. The only thing Carter managed to do was scatter her notes, while the frog now perched on top of the steps leading to the dais, its big bug eyes blinking at her. She stared back from where she lay sprawled on the ground, plotting her next move. No way was she gonna let that frog win.

"Problems Carter?" Sam suddenly found herself nose to boots with her CO and scrambled to her feet.

"Yes sir! I mean no sir!" She flushed, trying unsuccessfully to brush the dust off the front of her BDUs. "Just sorting a little problem, sir." And she couldn't stop herself from glaring over at the frog, which was still sitting there, as if it belonged there. As if it owned the place. Hell, maybe it did.

"What? The frog? Don't tell me you got a problem with frogs Carter?" Jack was finding it hard to hide a grin over the thought his 2IC might be a little squeamish.

Sensing his thoughts, she hastily held up her hands. "Oh, no sir. I like frogs. Just not that particular frog."

Jack's eyebrows shot up. "Oh. I see." He didn't.

"It keeps getting in the way, sir, and I can't seem to catch it to take it back to the pond with the others." But Carter was eyeing the frog a little dangerously, and Jack wondered if she really intended to just let it go and decided he'd better separate these two before matters escalated. Obviously, they had some issues that needed resolving. MacKenzie would have a field day with this one. He could just see the counseling session with the two patients… nah.

"Uh, Carter, how about I take care of the frog, and you go back to your alien whatsit over there okay?" For a moment, he thought she'd rebel against him, and he wondered how he'd explain away that charge of insubordination 'Uh, yeah, General, it was about this frog.' He gave himself a mental shake and quietly sighed in relief as her shoulders relaxed.

"Yes sir," she muttered. With that, Carter eyed the frog evilly one last time, than edged away back to her doohickey, gathering her notes and laptop on the way and keeping a wide berth. Jack wondered just what had gone on in his absence.

Jack shook his head, deciding Carter was working too hard, and then eyed the frog, which was still sitting there. "Well, bud, looks like it's just you and me. How about lunch?" The frog just puffed its throat out, so Jack took that as an affirmative, and warmed up some Mac 'n Cheese, tossing a second MRE packet Carter's way. She already had her nose buried in her notebook and mumbled a distracted thank you, digging into the packet one handed without even looking to see what it was. Jack shook his head at her single-mindedness. Just as he was settling down to eat his own meal, something green and slimy plopped right in the center of his tray.

"Aaagh!" he dropped the tray on the ground and leapt to his feet.

"Croak." said the frog, covered in his macaroni.

"Why you little! I oughta wring your slimy little neck!" Jack lunged for the offending creature. But like Carter had already learned, this frog was way smarter than they were, so instead of a frog, Jack wound up with a fistful of macaroni. Ignoring Carter's concerned "Sir?" Jack lurched after the little beast, who by now was on top of the alien doohickey Carter had spent most of the early afternoon studying. Holding a macaroni encrusted hand out to Carter he whispered. "Stay back, I have him right where I want him." Crouching, Jack lunged, hands grasping cool smooth flesh in his hands at the same time his chest impacted the smooth stone casing of the alien device. And at that moment, all hell broke loose.

Later, Sam wasn't sure what exactly happened next. One minute, the Colonel was stalking the same troublemaking frog that had been a thorn in her side moments before. The next minute, a fountain of light that blossomed high into the sky consumed her CO. At the same time, a tremendous force slammed her backwards, and the back of her head connected painfully with the stone columns supporting the ceiling of covered part of the shrine, leaving her helpless as events unfolded. The light coalesced into a whirlwind, sucking up the pond water, frogs, loose equipment, and any small items and spinning them about in a sudden forceful cyclone, before the terrible winds disappeared almost as rapidly as they had come. In the aftermath, the Colonel was nowhere to be seen, and the small and somewhat larger objects that had been caught up in the force of the maelstrom started to fall back down to earth in the sudden stillness. Sam watched it all blearily before slipping into unconsciousness, sure she'd hit her head harder than she'd thought because there was no way it could be raining frogs.