Men on the Brink of Second Childhood: Gaara
A SasuGaara pointlessly plot-less request fic for Darkness of Dawn-san. The requester originally wanted a yaoi one, but I couldn't write the request so I made this one. Lame? Well, do give me a C for effort, at least:D
"I-It was a p-pleasure, K-Kazekage-sama," mumbled the Hokage's messenger as she gathered the scrolls he had signed just minutes ago. "T-Thank you for the tea."
"The tea must not be thanked for," he said, eyes on her busy hands. "Hosts always do that." He watched the pale candle-shaped fingers clutch on the last scroll, and then hugged them to her chest.
He couldn't help but notice how the proud twin peaks were made rounder by the way her arms were crossed over her chest, keeping the scrolls' balance in check. The fabric of her traditional Japanese robe, fortunately not topped with the usual Konoha Chuunin jacket, clung to her body seductively. All the while, she was talking away in her usual mumbles of flattery (no doubt the Godaime's instructions) and gratitude for being accommodated by no less than the most powerful man of the Sand village.
"Good day, Kazekage-sama. Konoha shall be in touch."
He gazed at her wordlessly as the flustered Chuunin tucked a stray wisp of her ebony hair and then turned her back on him.
"Hinata," he called, making the kunoichi turn his way again. He continued, "It will be your birthday on Thursday, am I correct?"
She nodded meekly, her pale eyes showing confusion.
He gave her a wave of dismissal. Upon hearing the door close, he clasped his hands together under his chin.
"You weren't supposed to be here," he said evenly. "Uchiha Sasuke."
The ninja appeared from the shadows of the nearby bookcase. "And here I was, starting to wonder when you will call my attention." A smirk from the dark-haired man. "Now I understand that you just don't want to frighten the poor young lady."
"You are supposed to be in Konoha," continued Gaara, eyes narrowing. "Looking after the Jounin and my sister."
Sasuke shrugged. "They left me." He started to play with the paperweight on his desk. "Besides, isn't it that my job as the Kazekage's secret bodyguard is to be your shadow?"
"To make sure that death shall not claim me until I have rendered full service to the village," added the Sand head. "But you should also know that I had personally ordered you to do some other mission: to look after Temari."
"You need me more, Kazekage-sama."
The red haired man exhaled abruptly. "How much were you paid to give them privacy?"
Sasuke's mouth twitched smugly. "As always, a fast analyzer. I thought it was only your sister who was privileged enough to be one."
"What else should I expect from the betrayer of the Hidden Leaf?" he asked back dryly.
"It doesn't matter, does it?" Sasuke eyed the door again. "Poor young woman. Unknown to her, the respected KazeKage-sama was already ogling her…hmm…proud female assets."
The Sand leader didn't even flinch. "It was a simple inspection of her female form. I was bored."
"Simple inspections that made use of third eye?" He dusted the sand particles off the paperweight he was holding. "Must we both fool each other?"
A crease formed on the forehead marked with the kanji Ai. "Just state what you are trying to imply."
"You are lusting on the Hyuuga heiress, aren't you?" The mocking tone on the Uchiha's voice was unmistakable.
"I refuse to comment."
"And if you can have things your way, you would want to push her down on this very table and devour her." Sasuke looked at him leeringly. "Don't even try to think of lies. My Sharingan is more useful than you think."
He didn't argue further on that subject. His more-jovial-than-usual mood shall not be spoiled by an Uchiha. "She is already turning twenty-four this coming Thursday, am I right?"
"The calendar agrees," said the bodyguard, sensing that further leg-pulling would cost him this month's paycheck. "Have you picked out your gift for her?"
"I have no idea what to give."
"Your virginity is a good place to start." Sasuke sneered, even with the lack of reaction on the other man's face. The Kazekage wouldn't explode as easily as the Sixth Hokage does, but he could recognize sparks of anger. It was hinted right now in Gaara's crinkled eyes.
"My virginity is stricken off the conversation."
"As you wish." He placed the paperweight back on the table. "You can start brainstorming by thinking of the things you think she needs."
"A brassiere." A breath later, the Kazekage mourned for the answer, and for allowing the inner demon within him to participate in the impromptu question and answer portion of this day.
"We both noticed the same thing," smirked the Uchiha. "But I heard through the grapevine that the Hyuugas really do not care for undergarments. They opt to stay natural as possible."
"But it does make a man's job easier when the door shuts and one minute of waiting is an eternity already."
The bodyguard was ignored. Pointedly.
Shrugging, Sasuke took a piece of paper from the desk and jotted something down quickly. The writing was shown to him seconds later.
"And this is…?" Gaara was not sure if he could trust the bodyguard's handiwork. Sneaking a glance though, he saw a bunch of numbers separated by dashes.
"Her brassiere measurements."
He looked at him, disbelief on his usually rock-solid face.
"Nearly accurate, with three percent of error margin," assured Sasuke. Such was the trust that the Uchiha had on his abilities.
"I have nothing to do with that trash," he said dismissively.
"This is a rare item," said the bodyguard, waving the piece of paper in front of his eyes before placing it down on the desk. "For free."
"I will not trust anything coming from you, Uchiha," said Gaara darkly. "More so when it comes for free."
"Let's just say…I want to make the dobe sweat." Elaborating no further, Sasuke crossed his arms. "Take it."
"I won't laugh…" A pause. "…too hard. Just a soft chuckle."
The cold boredom on the face remained on the Sand head's countenance.
"You know you want it."
"This is the easiest way to get it," coaxed the bodyguard some more.
Had the Kazekage have a brow, one should have been arched right now.
Sasuke smirked. "The next easiest way to get it is to ask the statistics from her."
A lethal glare.
"Or maybe Naruto?"
More lethal glares.
Gaara got up, eyes narrowed. "Is three percent error margin vital?"
"Not really." Sasuke's eyes glinted evilly. "It only gives extra air and space for the person who wears it."
"Spoken from experience?"
The Godaime's second principle in dealing with men on the brink of second childhood: men would always be boys, no matter the age or sperm counts. Their fascination for creative and innovative methods of procreation and other related endeavors should forever flourish in their minds. Deal with it.