Title: Standing Alone
Summary: What happens when you're on the outside looking in? Slight femmeslash.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Belong to Ann M. Martin
A/N: One-shot fiction. Read and enjoy.
I was always the bubbly one, the one who never lost her smile even when my world was going to shit. I was the one who tried to keep the group going even when no one wanted to be friends anymore, because I couldn't stand the thought of being without them. We had been best friends since the second grade; we had been like the Three Musketeers, only without the swords and the feather caps.
Everything was fine during elementary and middle school, we were tighter than anything. Then all of the sudden, high school hit and things spun out of control way too quickly. First the excuses started, then all of the sudden, everything stopped and I was left standing alone.
I felt adrift in a sea of loneliness and confusion. I didn't understand why at the time everything had to change. Why couldn't we just stay friends? Why couldn't things be like they were before? I knew we were growing up, that wasn't the problem. When you grow up, things change. But why did everything have to turn out to be so hateful and so bitter?
Why was one lost to allure of drugs and alcohol? Why did the other one decide that she wanted to screw every guy in high school? Why did they both decide to go out that one last time and get in the car drunk? Why did they call me hurtful names like "Goody-two shoes" and "Miss Mary Pure?" Why couldn't they accept me for who I was and not who they wanted to turn me into?
I never went their route. I went the route of staying out of trouble, doing my homework, making the honor roll, doing what was asked of me. I never wanted to go down the route of lying, cheating and stealing. I wanted to be true to the person I was and not what everyone else in the high school was doing. I was who I wanted to be, not who everyone else wanted me to be.
Now, all of the sudden, the winds change and I find myself on the outside looking in to what I used to think was a nice, normal existence. I'm so tired of being the goody-goody, the one everyone turns to when times are tough and never gives a thought to my well-being or how I'm doing.
So maybe that's why I'm doing what I'm doing now, which is standing on the edge of this pier, looking down at the churning water, wondering what's going on in my life. The cold wind whips around my head again and I shiver, pulling my coat tighter around my shoulders. When did life become so confusing? Why couldn't our friendship have survived high school? I always thought with a child's innocence that our friendship would last forever. How wrong I was.
Well, Miss Brain, you were wrong on that one, I thought to myself, the tears streaming down my cheeks. Sighing, I wonder if it would be easier to just not to be here. To take my life and not have to worry about what anyone thinks of me, of where I went wrong in my friendships and what I could have done differently to save them.
"Karen, wait!" a voice called out in the darkness. I turned and looked and my jaw dropped, noticing who it was. The one person who thought she was too cool to hang around me anymore, the one person who left me high and dry. The one person who I considered my very best friend. What was she doing here now?
"Nancy? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be off partying and hanging with your new friends? The one's who, and I quote, "Are so much better than you because they understand me?"
Looking up at me, I notice the mascara has run and the dark bruises under her eyes and the ripped and torn clothes. "What happened?"
Shaking her head, she turned her back to me, and I noticed that in the clothes that she had on made her look like a little girl who raided her mother's closet. Taking a step closer, I put my hand out and touched her shoulder. "What happened, Nancy? Why are you here?"
She gave me a watery smile and said quietly, "It's your birthday; you shouldn't have to be a lone on your birthday." Turning around andleaning up, she brushed her lips across mine. She stumbled back and looked up at me almost shyly. "I decided tonight would be the night that I would come to you and try to make amends for my behavior in the past."
Looking down at her, I realized that we couldn't be sure of tomorrow, but it was enough.
It was enough.