AN: This is a small offering before I go away for Summer. Tell me what you think.

No Love Lost

5/10/2005

"I . . . love . . . I . . . love . . ."

You. Three little letters, was that too much to ask? One syllable and you couldn't even say it. Or that's what I told myself at the time, that you were too weak to say the word. I know the truth now, the bitter, biting, hated truth.

You didn't say "I love you," because I wasn't the one you loved. Cleig, yes. That old fool's dead now and may my pain ease his rest. Owen, maybe. The shadow of everything I would have been if I could have stopped the changes at freedom. But no, I had to go starry-eyed into the hell of life as a Jedi. A life without love, a life in denial of love.

A Jedi shall not know fear, nor anger, such leads down Yoda's dreaded Dark Path. Somewhere in the mission briefing they forgot to mention that love was also forbidden. The nine-year-old who wanted his master's love was doomed to failure. I'm the passed around apprentice, "I can't do any more; you take him." Good luck. The Chosen One is unchosen.

I finally chose a master for myself, Mom. One who showed me why you wouldn't say the words I needed to hear. One who taught me the truth about Master Obi-Wan. Who's bringing me to an understanding about my wife.

Yeah, you heard right, Mom. I got married. And if anyone finds out, I'm out of the Order, not that I care anymore. Then again, a Queen and Senator could care less about a slave and Jedi. I realize that now.

But still, I . . . love . . . I . . . love . . .

And there's been no love lost.