Hey everyone! Here's another little short ficcy done by me! I hope you'll enjoy! This takes place in the R season of Sailor Moon. This fic involves the episode where Usagi get hypnotized, puts into the eternal sleep spell, etc. It's in Mamoru's p.o.v., and I do add more scenes and emotion to this fic. Well, please review! Enjoy!
Disclaimers: Sailor Moon and the others don't belong to me, but this story does.
As I lay on my bed, my mind can only think of one person. Usagi. How sad her face was when I had broken up with her..when I told her our love was over. She was heartbroken then, and still is now. Every time I see her, her lonesomeness, I cannot help feeling guilty, knowing I have caused that sadness. She used to be such a happy girl...now...that has all changed. And that change is all because me..and my dream.
I guess that I am fated to cause not happiness, but instead sadness in another person's life. It saddens me to think that all I inflict on another is pain.
The picture of us lies on the nearby desk. She was so lively then...and beautiful.
As I hold her picture close to my heart, my fingers touching the cold glass of the frame, my heart tells me to go to her, tell her I love her and always will, that she is the only one for me. Then, another part of me wants to protect her. Was I willing to let her die because I was too stubborn and selfish not to let her go when my dream clearly stated for me to keep her at a distance? The answer was no. I would never want anything to happen to my Usako, my little bunny.
I am afraid to fall asleep nowadays it seems. The nightmare is too much to bear. Seeing Usako die every night while I stand there unable to do anything to help her is more than can handle. It just proves, puts to light of my fears. I am afraid I have failed her in more ways than one. She just has so much love to offer and me? I cannot even show her my true love and affection.
The picture is put back to its proper place, and I lay down on the pillow, anxiety taking over. I wonder what it would be like to sleep without that dreaded nightmare, to be nightmare free for once. That is not possible though. It would come.
"Usako..." I murmur, tracing the outlines of her face in the photo. "Gomen nasai." I whisper to her. Somehow, I know sorry is not enough. I owe her more than just an apology. No, I owe her much more than that.
I close my eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep. And then..the nightmare strikes again..like it does every night...
Cheers were heard throughout the room, people everywhere. Everyone was happy, admiring the soon-to-be wedded couple.
Usagi looked up at Mamoru jubilantly, eyes shining with love. "Mamo-chan..." She murmured, a faint blush coming to her cheeks. After so long...all those years..she could finally be wedded to her only love..her Mamo-chan.
As they swayed back and forth in dance, Usagi's wedding ring caught the glimmer of light, sparkling in all its glory. "We are finally going to be married." She breathed out. "Then we can live happily...together." Her face flushed from dancing, she smiled warmly as Mamoru.
"Usako..." Mamoru leaned down, preparing to capture her lips in a gentle kiss, sealing their love.
Suddenly, a harsh wind blew, everything and everyone disappearing. Usagi and Mamoru were the only ones left.
Being alert, Mamoru stepped forward. Without another step taken, Usagi screamed as she started to fall...being engulfed by darkness. The whole world started crumbling before Mamoru's very eyes, leaving him standing on a piece of debris, alone.
"Usako!" He called out, but she was gone...dead. "Iie!" Collapsing on the ground, he pounded it, shaking his head. "She can't be...she isn't.." He compelled himself not to believe it..but it was true, Usagi was gone.
"Prince Endymion." A deep voice called out from the shadows. "What you see here is the fate of Princess Serenity if you do not keep your distance from her."
Mamoru gasped sharply, standing up to face this person. "Who are you?" He shouted into the darkness.
The voice didn't answer. "You must stay away from her, if you want her to be safe." It started fading again...leaving Mamoru standing there, clueless.
"Wait!" He called, only he was gone. Everyone was gone, including his beloved Usako.
I shot up abruptly, breathing heavily, covered with perspiration. "Usako.." I breathed out, clutching the photo again. I didn't know how much longer I would withstand this nightmare. It is just so intense, painful seeing Usako die. I promised myself that whatever it took, I would protect Usako, if the cost was our happiness...my light.
Morning seemed to take forever to come, though it has, finally. Stretching from my not so good night's rest, I yawned lazily. Today was Saturday I realized. A day when I get to see my Usako at the arcade again, using up all her money as usual. She would look so adorable when she would lose a game...screaming at it for not being fair.
Getting dressed quickly, I took off for my usual morning jog.
The air was nice and fresh this time of day, the streets less crowded. My eyes searched about for a certain Odango Atama, but she was nowhere to be seen. Probably too early still, I thought. It was true enough knowing Usagi, who just loved to sleep in.
Stopping at a bridge overlooking a small stream, I looked into the waters. I expected my own reflection, only it wasn't. The small, happy face of Usagi was mirrored in the calm, flowing waters. I sighed, the sinking feeling of guilt swept through my entire body. "Usako..." I said unconsciously. It just seemed to have slipped out.
"Mamo-chan?" The voice surprised me, yet it was familiar. Of course it belonged to the one and only Usako. Consummating how stupid I was to say her special name aloud, I turned around reluctantly, my eyes looking to the ground. With all the pain I inflicted upon her, I didn't think I deserved the right to call her that.
"Usak..Usagi." I greeted her normally. I wanted to slap myself for calling almost called her Usako again. I just couldn't help it. Seeing her eyes light up then becoming sad again, I regretted what I did to her.
"What brings you here?" I asked casually, avoiding her gaze so she wouldn't see the sorrow I held in my eyes.
"I'm concerned about Chibi-Usa." She answered slowly. "She hasn't been telling me much of anything these days; I'm afraid she's keeping secrets from me and the senshi." She paused to take a breath. "And since she confides in you so much, I was wondering...if she told you anything." Her eyes were transfixed on the river, a small blush forming on her cheeks.
"I do not know anything." I told her simply. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have maters to attend to." I knew I was a little harsh with the wording, a little to harsh in my opinion.
I couldn't take it anymore, and started to run away from her. "Mamo-chan!" She called out after me. I closed my eyes, feeling so lost. Every time she calls me that...I just makes me feel more conscience-stricken. She deserves better. Usako, can't you see that? I'm not good enough for you...or anyone else. You deserve to be loved, something I could never give easily no matter how hard I tried.
Tears were in her eyes as I looked back. She just stood there, frozen. She is in so much pain...all because of me.
The arcade seemed dreary today, probably because I was so depressed. Motoki came over with a glass of water, smiling. He was always happy, or so it seemed.
I sighed, taking a sip of it, tilting the glass to look at it in all different angles. Who knew breaking another's heart would be this painful?
Motoki realized how melancholy I seemed today, and sat down beside me, a concerned look marring his features. "What's wrong, Mamoru?" He asked.
I turned to face him, a sad smiled on my face. "Nothing." I replied; Motoki wasn't easily fooled though.
"Tell me the truth." He urged.
"Tell me." His voice was firm, and knowing I couldn't fight with him, I nodded.
"Alright." I told him. "It's..Usagi. I've hurt her so badly... still, she comes to me with open arms." I shook my head sadly. "She deserves so much better." I replied, putting the glass down. The water reminded of our previous confronting at the bridge over the lake. How her little round face reflected in the water...
Motoki nodded knowingly. "You know why she comes back? She loves you." He smiled. "And I know you love her. Whatever the obstacles that are blocking may be, you two can overcome them..with love."
Never in all my years of being friends with him have I heard his good advice. He seemed so wise, knowing all there is to know about the complications of the emotion called love. His advice gave new meaning to the word, saying that love can conquer all. But could it even overcome death?
"Really?" I asked overwhelmingly.
"Hai." He answered. "Now, if you trust in your love with her, it will prevail." He patted me on the shoulder as a friendly gesture. "Conceptualize it. Give it a thought. Just..." He hesitated for a brief second. "...don't do anything you might regret." With that, he left the counter, leaving me alone to think about it.
It was a hard decision. I was afraid if I didn't make the right one, we would both be devastated with disaster. However, how could I choose? Either be with her, or leave her to be heartbroken. Then, would she not be safe if I just leave her alone?
"Mamoru?" A voice called out. I turned around to see Motoki again. Standing beside him was a young girl, a few years younger than Motoki. "This is my sister. She needs a ride home, and I was wondering if you could.."
He needn't to go any further for I knew where this was going. "Hai, of course I would."
Both Motoki and his sister smiled appreciatively. "Arigato." Motoki said. "I would, but.." He gestured to the arriving customers. "I don't thing my customers would be happy about that." He finished, grinning widely.
I chuckled. "I would be happy to." I answered with a grin, and got up, escorting the girl to my motorcycle. Who knew that this simple gesture of friendship would only inflict more pain on Usako?
The rode was smooth as usual as we climbed onto my motorcycle. I handed her the spare helmet, and we were off.
"So...you're Motoki's little sister." I stated, trying to start a conversation. I'd have to admit I wasn't one of those people who liked to be silent when the other person was sitting so close.
"Hai." She answered brightly, clutching onto me even closer. I could tell she hadn't been on motorcycles too much.
"You work there?" The question sounded weird, I know.
"Sometimes." Boy, she wasn't as talkative as I'd thought she would be.
The lights turned red, and we stopped. She sighed, taking off her helmet for a second to straighten her hair. "Mamoru, that was quite a ride!" She commented enthusiastically.
I chortled. "Well, it's not ever yet." She nodded, and put her helmet back on, her arms wrapping around me once more. The engine started revving, and she giggled.
"Can I go on another one again someday."
I grinned. "Sure."
Just then, Usako appeared with the other girls. Her eyes were full of pain as she apparently fought with herself as to why a girl was on my motorcycle, clutching onto me tightly. Not a very good thing to see, that's for sure.
"Mamo-chan..." She murmured. "Who..who is she?" Her question was so simple, yet hard to ask. Wishing the lights would turn green again so I could escape, I contemplated what Motoki had said earlier. "Tell her." He had stated. Now it all came down to this. Should I tell her? I wanted to do so desperately, but the protecting side of me was stronger.
"I do have friends you know." I shot back coldly. She took a step back, shaking her head.
"You..she isn't.." Tears filled her eyes as she backed off slowly. "Mamo-chan.." Even with all this, she is still calling me her special name for me.
The light turned green to my advantage. Couldn't bearing to see her cry, I zoomed out of there, leaving her to fret about who that girl was. I could see in her eyes that she couldn't take this much longer. What would happen if she were to do something drastic? I shivered at that thought.
"Mamoru, who was she?" She asked me. Her voice became soft and caring.
"Usagi...my girlfriend." I answered slowly, wondering if I even deserved to call her my 'girlfriend.'
"Oh." Was all she said. She understood now, why Usagi had acted the way she did, why her precious tears were sliding from her face. "She seems nice."
"She is the nicest person in this world." I answered unconsciously.
Scenes of my nightmare flashed through my mind. As I closed my eyes, I saw her dying all over again. I will not let that happen.
We stopped in front of her house, getting off the motorcycle. She handed me my helmet, and embraced me in a sudden movement. "Arigato Mamoru-san." She murmured. "I hope Usagi and you will work out." She ran inside she house, shutting the door behind her.
I sighed heavily. It was so easy for her to say that, but she didn't know the first of it. What should I do?
Home. The blinds were all shut, leaving the room in complete darkness save for a small streak of sunlight peeking in through a corner. I sat down heavily on the couch and grabbing a cushion, exhaled a deep breath of air. Today was certainly now a good day for Usako nor I. She was hurt badly today, all thanks to me. Why did I have to be so cold with I talked with her? Why must I have to stay away from her? It just seemed so not fair.
For the first time in my life, I found love...only to be taken away by a pathetic nightmare.
The sun set as I sat in complete darkness. What's the use anyway? Without Usagi...I was living in darkness; no light whatsoever.
In my bedroom, the picture of us still sat there on the table. I picked it up, examining her cheery face. So much different than what I saw this morning. She was much skinner, I realized. Probably since she's not eating as much anymore. So I really have that much affect on her life?
Running a hand through my hair, I hoped tomorrow would be better for the both of us. But tonight? I know the nightmare would come again...as it did every night.
Closing my eyes, I felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep...
A sudden pounce on my stomach made me jump up, eyes darting about my dark room. Luna now stood beside me, her expression unreadable.
"Mamoru-san.." He voice came out ragged. "We need your help..Usagi needs your help." She managed to get out.
My heart nearly skipped a beat. "Nani?"
"Usagi..she's being put under a eternal sleep spell! Help her!" She screamed at me. I closed my eyes, grasping my blanket.
"I can't." I answer her slowly.
"Why? I know you still care for her..love her. Don't let her suffer, please Mamoru-san. We need you, Usagi needs you. She dying!" She yelled at me.
After all that time, I finally felt awake. Usagi was dying, and all I'm doing is sitting her telling her guardian cat I can't go and protect her? I felt like hitting myself again, but there was no time right now. Every moment was crucial I realized. "Okay Luna."
Luna seemed to relax a bit. "Go!" She urged.
Jumping on my motorcycle light speed, and starting the engine, I was off again in the night. This time, to save my beloved Usako. I could feel my alter ego, Tuxedo Kamen taking over as I transformed while on the motorcycle. "Usako..hold on."
It seemed to take forever to arrive at the battlesight, but I did, finally. All the senshi and Chibi-usa were huddled around a stone bench. Lying on it was..Usako. She looked so weak and vulnerable, her energy presently being sucked right out of her.
"Tuxedo Kamen!" Chibi-Usa exclaimed, but I didn't have time to greet her.
"Please let him be able to help her." I heard Mercury say to the others.
They stepped back, giving me room as I kneeled next to Usako. She moaned in her unconscious state. "Mamo-chan.." She murmured.
I hugged her soft body next to mine, feeling her weak heartbeat. She was dying quickly, a spell as I heard Luna say. I couldn't worry about that now. This was it. It was either life or death.
The other senshi stood behind me, praying that their leader and friend would be okay.
"Usako.." I whisper to her, brushing a strand of her silky hair away from her pale face. "Gomen nasai..for everything I have caused you."
She seemed to hear me. "Mamo-chan..." She whispered again.
It was clear to me now what I must do to save her. Except my mind told me if I did, she would die. If I didn't, she would still die. There was no choice left..
My lips gently met hers in a tender kiss. Gasps were heard from the senshi and Chibi-Usa, but I didn't care.
Sailor Moon awoke; the spell broken. "Mamo-chan?" It was more of a question than a statement.
I found myself staring into my beautiful bright-blue eyes, and she in mine. I felt calm, as if not frightened by the nightmare anymore. She smiled for once in a long time, blushing. "Arigato." She whispered.
Just when everything was turning out great, the monster came back again, furious that I had broken her eternal sleep spell. The horn on her head turned into a deadly knife as she swung it at us. Sailor Moon push the two of us out of her reach.
"How dare you!" She shouted to it, glaring at her.
Taking out her scepter, she turned it into a pile of dust, blowing away in the wind. Sailor Moon was proud of her accomplishment, and smiled gleefully. "There! Moon dust!"
Seeing that she was safe, I walked away from her again. As much as I wanted to be with her, I couldn't. Protecting her, knowing that she was safe is more important than my happiness. Though I want her to be happy...I guess you cannot have it both ways.
Sailor Moon saw that I was leaving, and followed me to my motorcycle. "Thank you for saving me again Mamo-chan." She stated, smiling. "I knew you still had feeling for me...that you still loved me."
I clenched my hands together, turning them into fists. "I...don't..love you." I managed to say, turning away from her. "Our love is like a rose, beautiful when it's in bloom, but it can't last forever." The truth, it can. I know it can.
She took a step back. "Mamo-chan.." I know what I said hurt her.
"Goodbye." A welting rose came into my hand as I let the petals flutter over to her, the wind carrying them.
I was gone, off into the night.
Standing on top of my apartment complex, I took off my helmet, looking down upon the city of Tokyo. Tears stung in my eyes, something I hadn't felt for a long time. "Usako...I can't...stand hurting you..." Tears slid down my cheeks. I was surprised, for I had not cried in such a long time. "Usako..."
"Mamo-chan?" I turned around, seeing my Usako standing behind me, approaching me carefully.
"How did you find me here?" I asked, bewildered.
She only simpered a bit. "Do you really still care for me?" She queried, eyes downcast.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. "Hai, more than you can ever imagine."
"Then..why?" She looked up, tears in her eyes.
I walked over to herm holding her hands in mind. "To protect you...I think I've seen our future...and I didn't want for you to die because of me."
Her eyes went wide. "Is that all? You were only trying to protect me?"
I nodded. "Hai."
"Mamo-chan..." Usagi seemed to be speechless. "I..don't know what to say. Mamo-chan...even if you prediction comes true, I wouldn't care."
"Usako, you have your whole life.." Her hand went up, silencing me.
"I would rather die being happy..then to die with a broken heart. I know our love can make it. Just give it a chance." She pleaded with me, tears sliding down her cheeks.
I wiped the tears off, my mind conceptualizing what she just said. Was it really that easy? Will our love shine through? "I don't want you getting hurt." I answered.
"If you trust in our love, together, we can conquer anything." She stated simply.
It seemed to ring a bell in me. That was what Motoki was talking about. Love was a powerful emotion..I guess I wasn't giving it a chance. Perhaps..I should stop running from my doubts and fears...and face them instead...together, with Usako.
Her pleading eyes implored me to understand. And I do, all because of Usako. I didn't give love enough credit to trust in it fully..now I do.
"You're right Usako..." I replied. Her face instantly brightened up, as if glowing. "I wasn't giving out love a chance. Now I know better."
We embraced lovingly. I wasn't afraid of her death anymore, or my nightmare. For love is on our side..as long as we are together.
*giggles* It's been such a long time since I've written a long fic like this one! I hope this fic was enjoyable to you. ^_^ Was it depressing, sad, and romantic? Hopefully it was for that was what I was aiming at. I did add more scenes as you can see. I know it's not my best, but... Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Please!!!! Or send me an e-mail at LisaZUMstories@aol.com. Stay tuned for my next fic, "Jealousy", coming soon. Ja ne!
This story written and posted March, 2001.