Disclaimer: Please see chapter 1

A/N: Many thank-yous to all who reviewed chapter 4, if it wasn't for you I would not have bothered to write this remaining chapter.

At last the final chapter of this story, I hope it was worth the wait. Enjoy and if you will, review. Morgana-Alex

This chapter has not been beta-ed; therefore it is not up to my usual standard.


Wanting what I should not Want

By Morgana-Alex

Chapter 5

…And try we did, for almost 2 years, week in week out we travelled to be with each other. Oxford, Hogwarts and McGonagall Manor were our ports of call, bewitched luggage and discretion became our constant companions and as each weekend passed we grew closer and closer.

It is in no small thanks to the superb intellect and studious nature of my love that we were only separated for 2 years; Hermoine passed all her exams a year ahead of her class mates, and received numerous job offers from all over the wizarding world.

This is where our true struggle began; and the day I remember most was 3 days after her university graduation; we were in my sitting room at Hogwarts;

"Hermoine, Hermoine." I called to my lover, who was daydreaming by the fireplace.

"I'm sorry Minerva, my mind was elsewhere." I almost told her then that her statement was redundant as she had stated the obvious, but of course I did not.

"My dear there are 3 more owls at the window who refuse to deliver their missives to anyone but you." Hermoine walked absentmindedly to the window to receive the Owls and I realised in that moment that I was going to have to let my love go, if I was ever to be in with a chance of her being by my side for the rest of my life.

The muggles have a saying 'if you love something set if free, if it comes back it is yours forever, if it doesn't then it was never meant to be.' It was a chance I had to take let her live her life as she needed or watch and wait for her to turn to me with bitterness, resentment and regret.

The next 2 days pass in a blur of owls and parchment, we had barely spoken a handful of words to each other in those 48 hours and while my lover slept beside me I had never felt so lonely. Her mind was not on me nor was it on our love and her dreams were not of our future together.

After a fitful sleep I awoke at 4am and left my sleeping beauty to wake much later, alone.


I sat in my office contemplating the actions I knew I must take; my sanity depended on the fact that I knew that what I was doing was right. But knowing it didn't make the task any easier.

A knock at my office door brought my mind in to focus and I bid my visitor – whom I knew to be my lover – enter.

"Good morning Hermoine." I said almost formally as she came in to the room and sat opposite me on the other side of my desk.

"Good morning Minerva." She replied cautiously.

"Now my dear tell me have you decided which job offer to accept yet?" My tone I hoped was neutral or at the very least portrayed real interest. I had no real desire to hear her tell me that she wanted a job that would take her away from me for a long period of time.

Her face lit up and then clouded over again, she was both ecstatic and afraid.

"Yes I have Minerva, I have chosen the job that I always wanted to have when I finished my studies, a job that will both stretch me and teach me, a job that will make sure I never stagnate, a job that will allow me to research and write all the papers I know I will publish." Hermione looked so happy, she had just recounted her perfect job speech to me and I felt miserable knowing that she was going to leave me to take up her dream job.

"When do you start?" I couldn't ask anything else, I didn't want to ask the question burning in my mind – when are you leaving me? – Yet I knew the answer to both questions was the same.

Another smile displayed with grace this job meant the world to my love, I could tell and I felt dreadful for wanting her to pass it up and stay with me.

"September 1st is when I take up my new position, do not worry my Minerva, my packing is done, I have shopped for my uniform and have prepared myself for my first day. I only hope that you can forgive me my choice." Every word said with elation, I had never been good at denying her and with this I would be no different; no matter how much my heart was breaking.

"I could forgive you anything my darling." Even as I said the words I doubted ever being able to get over the pain.

"Aren't you going to ask what job I decided on and where it is I will be working?" Her smile gone to be replaced by a look of fear, I could relate to that look.

"Of course my dear, tell me all." Again I didn't want to hear one word of what she had to say; after all I was convinced it would not be good news.

"I am going to take up a post that has been vacant for a number of years now but in these troubled times has never been more relevant, I hope to be able to make a real difference maybe ever save a few lives but even if I save just one it will be worth it. From September 1st my title will be Professor of muggle studies Hogwarts." I had to shake my head had I really heard her tell me she was staying at Hogwarts?

"I'm sorry Hermione could you please repeat that last bit." Could I have been dreaming, wishful thinking?

"Minerva I said that I will be the new professor of muggle studies here at Hogwarts." It still took a few seconds to register what I had heard; I had spent days in unfounded fear and now she tells me that it was for nothing, I had never felt as relieved.

I moved to stand on now unsteady legs my heart jumping for joy, my breath quick, and my smile reaching my hairline. Hermione looked at me in confusion, I must have seemed more than a little crazy, one minute my world was at an end the next my life restored; had I been in her place I would have called for Madame Pomfrey.

"Minerva please say something." I didn't feel like talking and conveyed this feeling with a kiss, as I wrapped my arms around my love I knew that no matter what we were always going to be together.

The End


A/N: This story is at its end, a chapter of life explained. It is not as I originally planned, this story was supposed to be as least double its current length, however. I could not find the words to string it out. I am sorry for the long wait but it was unavoidable if I wanted this chapter to be worth reading, I hope I have succeeded in that task.

For those of you awaiting the next chapter to 'the end of the affair or how a friendship begins' I will post it when I am happy with it – which unfortunately might take awhile though I do intend to finish that fic. Keep reading and writing everyone. Morgana-Alex