No matter what you think, be it that this is disgusting or OOC, you must read through to the end! I redeem this fic!
I waited impatiently, wondering when he would come. How many times has it been? Three times in one week? As he spends more and more time thinking about her, he needs more time with me, more time to quell his desires.
It all started a few months ago. I was picking herbs in the forest, when he slammed me against a tree and ravaged my mouth. I hated the memory of that first time. I had thought 'does this mean he loves me?' I asked him afterwards. He laughed and shook his head. No, he didn't love me. I loved him, but he did not love me.
I still remember that time, years ago, when I first saw him. His silver hair blowing in the breeze, his eyes closed in sleep in the boughs of Goshinboku. He was like some unattainable dream. Well, after two years of searching for the shards of the jewel, I had indeed attained that dream of being with him. But not in the way I wanted.
He jumped down into the clearing and stood up. I gulped, knowing what was coming, knowing what we would do.
"Inuyasha." I whispered silently. He growled and pushed his lips onto mine. He kissed his way down my throat, taking a moment to spit at the ground, and growl against my collarbone.
"You taste disgusting." He snarled. I sighed and felt, not for the first time, tears roll down my face. I was used to the comparisons by then. Every time we were alone, he said them to me, reminding me I'm just a shadow of the woman he truly wants.
She's a better archer. She's prettier. She's more caring and loving.She's a stronger miko. He debases me every time, and I let him do it. If I were to deny him, he would either strike me or leave me forever, and I cannot bear to have either. I love him to much to deny him.
He disrobed the two of us, throwing our clothes aside, and pushed into me. I gulped loudly, feeling him. His claws dug into my thighs, keeping them against the tree Iwas lying against. I want to be with him, to be his. And I am, I suppose. I am his. His toy, his woman, but not his love.
I'm weak. Yes, that's the only way I can say it. I'm weak for letting him do this to me so much. When I see him with her, I feel the undeniable pain in my heart, the pain of knowing he will never love me, that he will always love her. He smells me, and makes a face, forbidding me to intrude on them. My heart falls even more in despair, my spirit breaks a little more, and then, he leaves her, and comes to me to have his way with me.
He takes me because she will not have him. In the time we've been together, I have become more then just an outlet of his lusts. I'm an outlet for his feelings for her. He has told me of the way she will not accept him, that she will reject him for being a hanyou. I told him once that one as caring as her would not reject him just for his blood. A slash to my face silenced me. That was the first time he struck me, but not the last.
I wish I could say I hated this. That I hated being used by him, just because he is afraid to offer himself to her. But I don't. She owns him, mind, heart and soul. He thinks only of her. He would die for her. He loves her, only her. There is only room for one of us in his heart, and sadly, it is not I. He loves her, not me.
But there is but one thing of his she does not own; his body. That is mine. And I cling to it like a lifeline. As long as he needs me for a vent to his lusts, I am alive. I have yet a small part of him to hold, I have a small part of him to love. But one day, he will tell her that he loves her. And then he will surely kill me. He's all but told me so. She's better then me in everyway, he's reminds me all the time. Once he joins with her, and makes her his mate, I will have no more use. Then he'll kill me.
I felt warmth as he released in me, and growled out her name. I sighed, more tears staining my cheeks. That is how I truly know he does not love me. For a time, I thought perhaps it was him hiding his feelings for me, as he always does. But then he calls out her name, reminding me once again of who he belong to. He pulled away and started to dress himself. I sighed and fell back against the tree, sobbing, hating myself for allowing myself to be so weak. He sneered at me.
"Don't cry bitch, you look pathetic. She never cries so needlessly." He muttered. I nodded silently. I felt so tired, and stand, looking at the ground.
"Are you leaving?" I asked. He snorted.
"She's making ramen again, and I need to wash your taste out of my mouth." He replied. I nodded again.
"Goodbye Inuyasha." I whispered as he turned to leave.
"Good bye Kikyo. Until next I need you." I looked up and watched as he vanished into the forest, back to the woman he truly loves, leaving me, Kikyo, the woman who has been degraded to nothing more then a whore, in the forest crying. Wherever my reincarnation comes from, she has Inuyasha's heart.
I bet I surprised you, ne? So many stories have Kagome as Kikyo's replacement. This was just begging to be written sometime.