All you reviewers out there… I really appreciate you giving me the ideas more future chapters even though I already had some of your ideas in mind, hehe… I'm not writing this into one big parody since it kind of makes it a little bit harder to incorporate everything I want into my parody, so therefore these are mostly going to contain either stand alone or 2-part storylines (If you can call them storylines).
For the people who'll question about why I despise OCs so much, here's my answer: I generally do not despise OCs as long as they're well written. However, it takes a brilliant writer to sculpt out all the things that make a character realistic. It is extremely hard to do one, let alone more than one. If you see a story that has many OCs in it or is based around an OC, you're should immediately hit the back button.
Chapter 3 In which Naruto is Way too Overpowered (Part 2)
The next day Naruto wakes up in his apartment, ready to meet with his new genin team. He pulls out a piece of paper the Hokage had give him.
"Hmm… it seems that my teammates are……(Long drum roll)…… Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke!" exclaimed Naruto.
So then off goes Naruto to the Academy. When he reaches his destination, every girl is all over him except Hinata. (We can't have this story get too OOC now can we?) They learn of their teams (the original teams, of course) and Naruto's genin team goes off to find Kakashi. Eventually, all of them go to the roof, where Kakashi proceeds to ask them about their likes and dislikes, and you know all of them, because 9 out of 10 times when authors include the roof scene, their likes are the same as the canon.
"Don't get too comfy yet. There is still one more trial you guys have to pass if you want to become true Konoha genins," chuckled Kakashi. "I like to call this my bell test… (author inserts the bell test rules conveniently right from the anime since it's "too much trouble" to think of another possible test that can convey the message of teamwork.)
As soon as Kakashi yells this out, the three go off to hide.
Naruto is thinking to himself, "Hmm, I could take down Kakashi all by myself, but that is truly not the point of this test. The point of this test is about teamwork! I know this because not only did the author decide to grace me with superpowers that make the Akatsuki look like a group of little girls playing hopscotch, but he also blessed me with intelligence that is far more superior to the smartest person in the world!"
Sasuke thinks to himself, "Man, I can't keep my mind off Sakura! She's so perfect, and I'm just dying profess my undying love for her, but alas, she can never know about my deep caring that I have for her since I'm an avenger, and I could never deserve Sakura! Once I kill Itachi, my bloodstained hands will never be worthy of my one true love, and she will hate me! Wait, what am I rambling about, I must defeat Kakashi to being the journey of killing my brother."
Sakura thinks to herself, "SAAAAAAAASUKE-KUUUUUUUNNNNNN! I LOOOOOOOVEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUU!"
So then Kakashi is reading his little perverted novel in the clearing when Sasuke pops out of nowhere. Most of the time, the author makes out Sasuke to be an angsty lovesick dog or makes him seem like a total asshole that's going to lose every battle that he's going to ever fight.
Sasuke jumps out of a bush and chucks some kunais at Kakashi and proceeds to get the shit beat out of him. Sakura suffers the same fate as she did in the anime; she got tricked by a genjitsu.
Naruto is thinking deeply. "Hmm, now that my idiotic teammates got themselves beat up, what shall I do…(3 seconds later) Aha! I got it! I'll just use my Kage Bushin (which is found only in the Scroll of Sealing, which Naruto hasn't found yet and who knows where he learned that technique) and use Henge on them to look like my teammates. Then I'll take the bells!"
In order to make this remotely amusing, the author drags this battle out between Naruto and Kakashi, even though it's clear that Naruto is much stronger than Kakashi because he beat a group of Anbu in the last chapter. Needless to say, Naruto gets the bells in the end and Sasuke and Sakura pass because of Naruto's smartness, not because they trusted each other or worked together.
As they were leaving the clearing, Sasuke yells out "Hey Naruto! I challenge you to a fight! I need to challenge everyone that's stronger than me to a fight, because the author really needs a reason for me to get humiliated and look like a helpless pansy that doesn't know how to fight. And after that I'll give Naruto a chance to taunt me in the face about how I'll never reach my brother's level at this rate even though I have no idea how he knows. His owning eye ability must allow him to read minds!"
However, at one point in the story, this author will undoubtedly reach an epiphany that Naruto is way too powerful in order to craft a decent story with a plausible plot. For example, when he fights Orochimaru, the author realizes that if Naruto defeats Orochimaru, there will be no antagonist in the story anymore. This leads him to realize how dumb overpowering Naruto was in the first place. He or she will most likely try to redeem themselves by doing this……
Orochimaru: (cough cough) You are a VERY strong ninja, Naruto. I underestimated you way too much.
Naruto jumps in the air and performs a massive jutsu that inflicts some damage on Orochimaru but doesn't kill him. Naruto keels to the ground.
"See? Hey guys, do you see? I am totally out of chakra! I MUST have keeled over from chakra depletion! I MUST be only human. I MUST convince you to keep reading this story!"
Shortly after the chuunin examination, the Hokage approaches Naruto.
"Hey Naruto, how would you like to be the Godaime Hokage? I heard you took on Orochimaru pretty well during the chuunin exam, and we need a strong protector of this village. Even though you're only 12-13 years old and most of Konoha still hates you, I'm sure that they'll accept you and acknowledge you in no time!"
Naruto shrugs, "That's fine with me, I'm kinda getting tired of this story anyway."
Next Chapter, We'll explore the plentiful pairings that Naruto fanfiction has to offer…