Disclaimer: We do not own Naruto nor any of it's characters. We do own ourselves and any characters we create. The plot is also ours.

Shiroi Hikari: Mwuhahaha! We were finally able to put this out! This was a crack fic originally started in the Itachi x Sakura Yahoo Group (Go join! The link's on our profile page!) and evolved into a weird little story. The characters are also OOC. Yes, there are OCs in here, and the pairings are as follows:

Sakura x Itachi

Shiroi Hikari (SH) x Kakashi

Paranoid Tsuki (PT) x Genma

And be aware, Ino, Hinata, and sometimes Sasuke bashing will be seen throughout this fic! It is also in script form, as that's how it was written in the first place, and it would be way too bothersome to write it out another way. If you don't like script form, then don't read.

And don't ask about the title.

Random Crazies

Chapter One

It's The Law

"From this day forward, Haruno Sakura hereby owns Uchiha Itachi in all way, manner, and form. Any right to steal and/or run away with Uchiha Itachi will result in legal action.

The Big Boss Man

Signatures agreeing to this statement:

Haruno Sakura

Uchiha Itachi (Note that Uchiha Itachi signed partly against his own will at being owned)

That's what had started this whole crazy adventure. And now, we start.

PT: Gah, I don't want to be sued, so Sakura can have Itachi.

Sakura: Thanks! You can have Genma, then!

PT: YAY+Hugs Genma+

Genma: Why me?

PT: It's the senbon! And the hair! Plus you're just sexy!

Genma: Curse genetically good looks.

PT: Awww.. +Hugs Genma Again+

Genma: Hey, how come Itachi gets Sakura?

PT: It's the evil thing. Girls like that.

Genma: Pshhhh!

SH: Don't worry, Genma, if you find a Genma x Sakura Group, I'm sure you'll be able to be with her then. +Pats him on the head+

Genma: Hmmmm...

PT: HEY! I thought he was mine!

SH: Yes, but currently only in the Itachi x Sakura Group...if he goes to the Genma x Sakura Group, Sakura gets him, but then I guess Itachi is free again...Oh Sakura-chan, you are such a player.

PT: Oh well, he's mine for now+Glomps him+

Genma+Thinks of a plan and hugs her back+


Genma: FREE! FREE AT LAST+Runs off to Canada+

SH: Kiba! Track Genma down and bring him back!

Kiba: What? Why should I?

SH: Because I'm holding Akamaru hostage.

Akamaru+Happily chewing on a dog bone+

Kiba: ...

Shino: You might as well do it.

Kiba: ...Fine...+Runs after Genma+

Genma: I could've sworn I heard something... +Sneezes+ Somebody must be talking about me...

PT+Wailing about Genma+ I promise I'll be nicer!

Genma: Hmmm...I have a bad feeling about this...

With Kiba+

Kiba: Damnable women...holding my dog hostage...stupid sexy man... +Continues to grumble+

Genma: Hm? Kiba? What are you doing here?

Kiba: I came to get you.


Kiba+Ties Genma up+ Let's go.


Back to the Others+

Kiba+Drags a tied-up Genma along behind him+ Here!

PT: Yay+Tries to get to Genma through the jail cell bars+

Sakura+Comes over+ Hey, have you guys seen Itachi? He said something about Canada...

SH: MWUAHAHAHA! Shino, go find Itachi!

Shino: Why?

SH: Because I'm holding this spider hostage+Shows little spider in jar who is happily eating a small bug+

Kiba: Hehe, now you'll have to go through what I went through+Sticks tongue out and holds Akamaru tightly+

Shino: Fine. +Walks off+

PT: It's okay Sakura, I'm sure it was the rabid Sasu/Itachi fangirls that chased him off. You should get him a tattoo that says 'Itachi Belongs to Sakura'. That or kick Sasuke's ass...besides, he'll come back. Canada is full of Sasu/Itachi fans...(No bashing intended)

Sakura: Good point.

PT+Turns to SH+ Maybe I should hold Genma's senbon hostage...

SH: But he can always get another...

PT: But this one is special to him!

Genma: No! Not my senbon+Cowers+

Sakura: Yes, see the senbon? It has the inscription of "The Sexy One"

Sakura: At least you have something to hold hostage +Grumbles+

PT: Hold Itachi's Akatsuki ring hostage!

SH: Don't worry, Sakura-chan. +Whispers+ Hold his secret Itcha Itcha Paradise books hostage...

Sakura: Good idea!

PT: Itachi reads Itcha Itcha?

SH: Yes, though it is a little known fact and only Sakura knows. Well, now we all know...

Genma: How do you find out?

SH: Why, I was washing Itachi's Akatsuki cloak when the either volume fell out of one of the pockets!

PT: How did you know it was Itachi's? It could've been Kisame's...

SH: Because it had a big "UCHIHA ITACHI: SHARINGAN LOVE!" on the front cover...and then had a bunch of hearts with Sakura's name in them all over the pages...

PT/Genma/Kiba: That's sort of sick...

PT: Ah, blackmail material is so lovely!

Genma: Isn't that against the law where you live?

PT: Do I look like the person technicalities matter to?

All: No.

PT: Exactly! Besides, I wouldn't be me if I weren't like that now would I?

Genma: Nope. You'd be slightly sane.

PT: What's that supposed to mean?

SH/Sakura+Cover Genma's mouth+ Nothing!

PT: Thought so...

Kiba: I wonder if Shino's okay...

PT: He wouldn't abandon that poor spider...Itachi probably gave him the slip. +Pets spider+

SH: Hmm...

With Shino+

Shino: Sheesh, how far can a guy go so quickly+Hears quiet giggling+ Huh+Looks around a tree and sees Itachi reading Itcha Itcha Paradise+


Shino: Holy crap! He blushes and giggles! Itachi? Sakura wants you back.

Itachi: Huh? Who're you?

Shino: Sakura and Shiroi sent me.

Itachi: If I go back, Sakura will burn my Itcha Itcha Paradise books...

Shino: If you don't come back, she'll burn your Akatsuki cloak, your ring, your black nailpolish, all your Itcha Itcha Paradise books, all your Itcha Itcha Violence books, and the special Itcha Itcha Calendar that you got signed.

Itachi+Wide Eyed+ Okay, I'll come back...

Shino: Jeez, Sakura has a tough man to handle...

With the Others+


PT+Looks around wildly+ Oh God no+Hides behind Genma+

Genma: What's wrong now?

PT: Don't you know what those sound effects mean?

Genma: That you're paranoid?

SH: We all know that. It's in her name!

PT: No! Something bad is gonna happen, don't you watch horror movies?

Sakura: They're just movies!

PT: Wrong! That's what they all say...and then...

All: And then...?

PT: Well they die!


What happens when PT and Shiroi make everyone watch Jaws? And when Kisame suddenly shows up and something terrible happens...

Shiroi Hikari: Well, I guess that was an okay first chapter. It gets funnier as you go along, though. And the spacing's all messed up...

PT: Tell me about it. I guess that's why it's called a "Crack Fic".

All: Please review if you feel like it!

Shiroi Hikari and Paranoid Tsuki