A/N: Well, I'm finally back to write another story. Sorry it took me so long, but my muse was hiding. Anywho, I'm back with my second multi-chapter fic, though this one is not a sequel to butterdish. Happy Reading! Toodles!
Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. Nor do I own the Chiquita Banana Girl logo.
"Miss Weasely! What are you doing?" a voice screeched from directly behind me.
I jumped and hid the apple that had been mere centimeters from entering my mouth behind my back. Which was an exceedingly unintelligent thing to do as the angry screeching was coming from directly behind me.
Therefore, the apple was immediately snatched from my grasp, thus denying me the opportunity to consume the juicy goodness and satiate my growling stomach.
I scrunched my eyes closed and turned towards the voice-emitter.
"Ummmm….nothing?" I tried, while cracking an eye open and peaking at the angry storeowner in front of me through my eyelashes.
She was glaring at me, one hand on her hip and the other waving the apple in front of my nose threateningly. I jerked my head away from the fruit-turned-weapon, causing my hat, already tottering precariously atop my head, to slip down over my eyes.
Madame Malkim huffed and shoved my hat back into place with such force that I stumbled backwards and nearly fell off my pedestal and into a pile of what looked like rectangular lamp shades sitting to the side of my perch.
"How many times must I tell you not to eat your HAT?"
I looked at her. Did she realize how ridiculous that question sounded?
Obviously not, as her hands were now flitting about above my head straightening the various pieces of fruit fixed to my hat and ranting about the atrocious behavior she was exposed to in her line of work.
"…young people today…no respect…always complaining…you would think they could follow simple intstructions…but, nooooo, they still eat their hats when I specifically tell them not to…honestly, what is the world coming to?...why, in my day…"
She continued along this same line of rantage until she finally found a suitable place for the residence of the filched apple and fixed it securely to the towering pile of fruit atop my poor head.
She stood back and examined her work with narrowed eyes before giving a nod of satisfaction and snapping her head towards me and fixing me with an accusatory glare.
She jabbed a finger at me, "If I catch you eating your hat again, Miss Weasely, I will be putting a full body bind on you and using you as a mannequin until closing time!" She gave one last jab of her finger before huffing and bustling off towards a rather corpulent man who had just come out of the dressing room wearing a loincloth.
I wrinkled my nose at the sight and turned back to examine my attire in the three-way mirror again. I sighed. There was no use trying to convince myself otherwise. It was simple fact.
I looked like the Chiquita Banana woman.
No really, I did.
Or at least I looked like her from the neck up. The rest of me was wearing normal robes as Madame Malkim hadn't yet forced me into the rest of my outfit yet.
Of course, I didn't exactly know what the rest of the outfit looked like, but I figured that if the hat was any indication, I wouldn't be overly excited to wear the rest of the attire.
My stomach emitted a loud growl, and I again considered the advantages of stealing one of the fruits on top of my head.
On the one hand, I was starving as I hadn't had breakfast in my hurry to get to the fitting, and at the rate this fitting was going, I wouldn't be able to escape to get some lunch either.
On the other hand, I didn't want to be mannequin for the rest of the afternoon. It would be exceptionally boring, and I didn't too much fancy modeling the newest line of Inflatable Underwear that had become popular among various adolescents looking for a laugh.
I weighed the options in my mind and came to the conclusion that being a mannequin for a few short hours would beat starving to death on my pedestal and collapsing into the pile of lamp shades beside me.
I snuck a quick glance at Madame Malkim. She was attempting to minimize the obviousness of the man in the corner's excessive girth by expanding the back of his loincloth. She wasn't having much luck, especially since the man seemed none-too-happy about his current situation and wasn't holding back on telling her about it.
She disappeared behind his rotund belly, giving me a chance to make the steal. I quickly turned my gaze back to the mirror and reached my hand up to grab the previously-filched apple.
However, just as my hand was closing around the blessed apple, a soft, dreamy voice sounded from behind me.
"I wouldn't eat that if I were you. It might be infested with Linklenorgs."
I squeaked and spun around, my hand still grasping the apple.
Luna Lovegood was standing behind me, staring dreamily at the pineapple residing in the center of my Chiquita Banana Girl Hat.
I removed my hand from the apple and gaped at her in shock.
If I thought my hat was big…
Luna was also wearing a Chiquita Banana Girl Hat, only hers was about three times the size of mine. While mine consisted of a straw hat with a pineapple surrounded by a few varieties of fruit, Luna's was in the form of a massive blue bowl overflowing with grapes, apples, oranges, two entire pineapples, pears, bananas, and even kiwis, all surrounding a perfectly sliced, fourth of a watermelon.
It had to weigh at least twenty pounds.
Well, it was her wedding. She could wear whatever she wanted.
She could even make me, being the Maid of Honor, wear whatever she wanted. Which was, of course, why I was a human fruit basket on a pedestal.
I slowly shut my mouth and moved my gaze to her face, "Linklenorgs?" I asked.
She nodded, "They infest fruit and cause the eater to fall into a deep sleep that can only be broken by the kiss of a handsome prince."
I stared at her again, "Um, Luna? Isn't that Snow White?"
She nodded again, "Where do you think they got the idea?" she asked before smiling vaguely and slowly wandering towards the fitting rooms again, her arms outstretched and her head bobbing to either side as the hat swayed and teetered on top of her head.
It was conversations such as these that made me understand Luna's choice to have a Luau for her wedding. What else should I have expected?
I stared after her for a while, before sighing and turning back to check on the whereabouts of Madame Malkim. I was hoping she would still be busy with the loincloth-bedecked fat man so that I could attempt a repeat of the filching of the apple.
No such luck.
Madame Malkim was just finishing her rather excessive expansion of the back-end of the man's loincloth, and it was now completely covering his hefty posterior. Thank Merlin.
She gave one last flick of her wand before shooing him away and turning to scan the room for her next victim.
Her eyes, of course, alighted on my face before shooting up to my fruit basket to inspect for any missing produce. Finding none out of place, she narrowed her eyes and turned to a rack of robes beside her.
She shuffled through them quickly before picking out a hanger and bustling over to me with her selection.
Ah, the rest of the outfit.
She reached me and grabbed my shirt collar, yanking me from the pedestal and dragging me across the room. She opened a fitting room door and shoved me inside, once again causing my hat to fall over my eyes.
She stuffed something in my hands, "Now, put these on," she ordered, then added, "And don't you dare eat them too!" before slamming the fitting room door.
My stomach filled with a leaden ball of dread. What had she meant by don't eat them too?
I freed one hand from the bundle she had given me and pushed my hat back from my eyes, blowing at a stray piece of hair that had fallen in my face. I looked down and slowly raised my hands in front of my face.
I blanched and my mouth fell open at the sight.
In one hand I grasped a hula skirt and bright pick lay.
But that wasn't what was causing my dismay.
No, that wasn't it at all.
My dismay had arisen from the simple fact that there, hanging loosely from my fingers, and knocking against each other softly, were two, highly polished halves...of a coconut.
Luna Lovegood was having me wear a coconut bra at her wedding.
Her outdoor wedding.
That was in February.
Sweet Merlin, help me.
A/N: Kinda short, but I wrote this very quickly between study breaks for my exams. This first chapter is just getting into it, so I promise there will be much more humor and chaos to come. And it is a Harry/Ginny fic. Of course. Harry will most likely come in next chappie. Anywho, kindly leave me a review, and it just might inspire me to take longer study breaks. Not that I need much persuasion to do that, but still. Review!