Rating: PG-13 (shounen-ai crack)
Pairing: ChadxIchigoxIshida OT3-ness
Word Count: 1,797
Time: A little over an hour…minor edits.
Summary: A sort-of-maybe companion piece to the "Janken" trilogy- Girls just don't get it.
Dedication: To…everyone brave enough to try reading this. ;;
A/N: I just needed to write something silly and pointless and thoughtless to wake me up. Seriously, I feel like I spent most of today in some sort of impartial haze. Figured I should try writing since I have a little free time, and I wanted to do something that wasn't staring blankly at the screen waiting for updates on things. --;; Such is my sad, sad life. I should be working on my last drabble request thing, but for some reason I can't get any ideas when I try to think about it. It's just kind of… a big blank spot of nothing. ARGH. But anyway, some OOC, Randomness, and stupidity warnings, as to be expected. ;;
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.
Ichigo thought that the most embarrassing moment of his life had come and pass a week ago, when Chad had fallen asleep on top of him and Ishida had managed to wiggle his bony ass out of bed to take pictures of the whole thing.
Ichigo had tried to kill the Quincy, but Chad's rock solid mass had pinned him to the bed and the best he could do was let out some inarticulate growling as he tried to shove the other boy off of him to get to the archer, who had been very calmly clicking away until Ichigo could hear the whirring of the film rewinding itself.
Even if there was a series of embarrassing pictures out there somewhere, Kurosaki had at least thought that with the advent of that event, he would be able to look forward to the fact that there was nothing that could be more embarrassing he would have to face EVER because after that freak show, life could ONLY get easier.
That was a week ago.
This week, he was currently surrounded by sympathetic females who were clucking understandingly at him save for Rukia, who just looked to be having too much fun at his expense to muster the necessary acting skills to join in on the party.
And he realized just how much could change in the span of a week.
"The next time I see Chad or Ishida, I'll definitely give 'em a piece of my mind, Ichigo!" Tatsuki raged, fist burning in righteous anger as she promised swift and deadly vengeance on the other two boys.
Chizuru was for once, in agreement with the plucky brunette. "That's right! Sado is your best friend! He had no right to steal Ishida from you when everyone knew you totally had a crush on him first!" she stated, crossing her arms and looking plainly horrified by the whole sordid affair.
"…wait, whaddya mean everyone!" Ichigo blurted when he finally managed to get a word in.
Both girls gave him very understanding looks, nodding their heads. "I mean, we could all see it. It was so obvious you were like, totally in love with him" Chizuru revealed.
Ichigo took the time to be affronted at the jab at his masculinity before realizing that there were far stupider things afoot.
To his left, Rukia snorted and managed somehow, not to spray juice everywhere.
"Argh, look you guys, it's okay, really! What you saw was…"
"Don't try to defend Sado just 'cuz he's your friend!" Tatsuki growled, cutting him off and making him shrink back a little from her fury. "What he did was unacceptable!"
Orihime raised a hand. "Tatsuki-chan?"
The short-haired girl blinked at the sound of Inoue's voice, momentarily forgetting her indignation. "What is it, Orihime?"
Inoue smiled. "Ne…I though Kurosaki-kun liked Sado!"
Though it was high noon, everyone thought they could hear crickets chirp.
This time, Rukia did spray juice everywhere, but luckily no one was in her spit-take trajectory.
"Ahhh, are you okay, Kuchiki-san?"
"Fine, fine…" Rukia assured the other girl with her hand to her face as she searched for napkins.
Ichigo shot her a dirty look.
"Sado?" Chizuru blinked. "Ah! That could be true too! Mmmm…my hime's so smart!"
Ichigo blinked. "Oi…waitasecond, I thought you said it was obvious that I liked…"
"Well, you and Chad have been friends for a long time," Chizuru put out in her and Orihime's defense. "And you're sure defending him lots even after what he did to you!"
Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well…"
When Tatsuki began to speculate on it, Ichigo was pretty sure that the integrity of his very character was being compromised.
"I guess there are lots of signs that say he might like Sado when you think about it," she mused aloud, before turning to Ichigo. Fiercely, the karate-champion pointed at him. "Answer me, Ichigo. Do you like Sado or Ishida?"
Ichigo scowled. "I thought everyone was going on about how obvious it was that I loved Ishida!" he snapped irritably.
"So it is Ishida!"
"Wait, no…that's not…ARGH."
Inoue blinked. "So you don't like Sado-kun?"
Ichigo blinked back. Were her eyes watering?
"That's so sad!" she lamented, feeling it her duty to mourn Chad's loss. "I was certain Sado-kun liked Kurosaki-kun!"
Ichigo was going from really annoyed to really bewildered really fast.
Rukia patted Inoue on the back comfortingly though Kurosaki was pretty damn sure the little sadist was enjoying every minute of this.
"Oi, Inoue… it's not like I uh…hate Chad or anything," the orange haired boy started, awkwardly.
When confronted with crying girls, boys were pretty much willing to say anything to get them to stop.
Rukia was very amused.
Inoue's sniffles stopped. "So you do love Sado-kun?"
Ichigo blinked again.
"But…but…then…Ishida-san… it's so sad for him!"
Helpless, Ichigo looked for a space in the wall of girls blocking him off from the school building, wondering if he could use his larger size to barrel through and make a break for it before they all drove him crazy.
"Orihime, this isn't about who Ichigo likes!" Tatsuki started.
Inoue looked up, eyes watery. "It's not?"
Tatsuki shook her head. "It's about no one liking Ichigo back!"
Ichigo frowned. "Oi…oi…"
Inoue looked sadly at Ichigo. "Oh, Kurosaki-kun, I'm so sorry! I totally forgot about you!" she apologized frantically. "But Tatsuki-chan's right! It's so sad that no one loves you!" she cried, flinging her arms around his neck and patting his back comfortingly.
Ichigo felt as if the world was constricting second by second and any minute now, the flock of women would consume him whole.
Absently, he patted Inoue's back. "I…uh… there, there?"
She pulled away from him, looking determined as she wiped the last of her tears away with the backs of her hands. "We'll find someone nice to love you!" she proclaimed heatedly.
This caused a murmur of excitement amongst the gathered school girls. "Yes! We'll find someone better for you, Kurosaki!" Chizuru exclaimed, rubbing her cheek on Orihime's chest. "My hime is brilliant!"
Tatsuki smacked her upside the head. "Oi, pay attention," she ordered, glowering down at the bespectacled girl.
"How about Morikawa-senpai, the junior?" someone suggested, helpfully. "We all know he's…" she made a gesture with her hand.
Ichigo's eyes bugged slightly. They had hand signals?! What the hell did "…" mean?
The other girls buzzed in agreement. "He would be perfect! He's such a great senpai! Everyone likes him, and he's good looking! How about that, Kurosaki-san?"
"Yes, Kurosaki-kun, another boy is obviously the solution!" Rukia chimed in cheerfully, finding her voice again.
Ichigo wanted nothing more in the world than to kick her smug little ass right now.
He was never telling her anything ever again. Ever.
"I have a senpai in my club that knows Morikawa-senpai's phone number! I could get it for you, Kurosaki-san!"
"Yes, yes! Sado-san and Ishida-san will both be sorry for letting you go when they see how cute you'll look when you're with senpai!"
They were closing in on all sides.
If he didn't escape now, he knew, absolutely knew that he'd find himself on some sort of crack blind-date with this random senpai and the girls would cackle to themselves for weeks about the brilliance of their matchmaking and…
"Ichigo?" Tatsuki looked at him, genuinely puzzled. "What's the matter?"
The only boy present ran frustrated hands through his hair. "I don't want to be set up," he growled. "It's fine! Really, it is!"
"The three of us are okay, all right?" he announced, standing up when he felt his left eye begin to tick. "Look, everything's fine, don't worry about it. It's all stupid anyway."
"But we can't just stand by and let you be by yourself!"
"Especially after those two totally embarrassed you!"
"We have to show the mistake they're making!"
Ichigo pressed a hand to his forehead. "Oi… look… just let 'em be happy together, would you? What they do…it's none of your damn business anyway, is it?" he inquired. "And if I'm not interested in some other guy, then I'm not, right?"
"Look," he began again, "Sado and Ishida… they're fine the way they are, I promise," he offered, realizing he sounded a bit harsh just now. Their intentions had been good, anyway. Sort of.
Or maybe they just wanted to see some more hot guy-on-guy action, or something, but whatever.
The point was… if he didn't get away now he was going to go crazy.
"Just let 'em be," he repeated, sticking his hands into his pockets.
Taking their silence as acquiescence, he turned around. "I'm goin' inside," he announced briefly before walking back towards the building, hoping to god his outburst had stunned them long enough to gain him safe passage through the doors.
They were far from stunned.
"He's sacrificing his own happiness for their sakes," Chizuru breathed, watching Kurosaki's retreating back with something akin to idol worship. "That is so romantic."
Tatsuki, looking strangely touched herself, clenched her fist. "Neither of those two idiots know what they're missing out on, dammit!"
All the girls agreed wholeheartedly, every one of them moved by Ichigo's selflessness in his willingness to sacrifice his own feelings for the happiness of his friends.
Rukia managed to keep her laughter to herself.
Ichigo was able to reach the rooftop with half of the lunch break left to spare. The entire trip back included him constantly looking over his shoulder like some paranoid schizophrenic, half certain that any moment now, one of those crazy girls was going to jump out from around the corner and insist that he date her cute older brother or something.
When he was fairly certain he was safe, he slowed his pace marginally and closed the door to the roof behind him with a small breath of relief.
Two heads turned up at the sound of the door clicking shut, and Ichigo greeted them both with a perturbed glare before plopping down next to Ishida's outstretched body.
The Quincy glanced up from the textbook he was reading, his head very comfortably nestled in Chad's lap. "Ichigo…what did the girls want to talk to you about?" he posed mildly, flipping the page.
Growling, Kurosaki leaned backwards so his back touched Chad's shoulder, resting his tired weight against the larger boy's solid frame. "Nothing productive," he replied, staring up at the noonday sky.
They sat in comfortable silence for a little while before Ichigo spoke up again. "Na…do me a favor, would you guys?"
Ishida blinked, adjusting his glasses at the strangely strained timbre of Ichigo's voice. "Kurosaki?"
"The next time you two assholes decide to make out, do it somewhere where the rest of the class can't see you, would ya?"