by velja

I know I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't start a new fic when I'm still writing another one. Especially when there are people waiting for me to continue with it. But it couldn't be helped. I heard the song "Liquid" (by The Rasmus) just twice and it settled in my mind. And I just knew there was a Spuffy story hiding behind.

So I had to write this. But for those of you who are reading "Cravings" let me tell you: I'm on it; it's not forgotten. I simply laid it aside for a while till this one was finished. Which is now so I will go on with "Cravings" soon enough.

And for my sister Chris: "Changing fate" is still on my mind, too. Don't worry; someday you're having the whole "Spike/Wes/time travel/romance/slash" story in your hands. Love you.

Disclaimer and everything is, as always, Joss & Co. and not me.

The song "Liquid" belongs to The Rasmus (heard it on the CD "Hell of a collection").


Buffy gasped when Spike pushed her against the wall of his crypt. The inhuman force he used to satisfy her made her cry out loud. Her hands clutched hard into his leather-clad shoulders and threatened to rip the fabric to shreds. This was what she wanted, what she needed. Hard and forceful.

Buffy hadn't given Spike enough time to take off his duster. When she'd entered his crypt he'd barely managed to get one word out before she'd pulled down his black jeans to assault him. In a second Buffy had Spike where she wanted him, needed him. He was the only one who could make her feel anything at all.

And that's what she was doing while Spike was kissing and nibbling and biting her neck with blunt teeth.

He growled against her heated skin and Buffy closed her eyes in bliss. This she could really feel!

Suddenly the attack on her neck stopped and Spike lifted his head to watch her face.

"Look at me, Slayer," he pleaded astonishingly soft in contrary to his forceful attack.

Buffy grinded her teeth and refused to open her eyes. No, she wouldn't look at him. She didn't want to see the love shining in his electrifying blue eyes. Love for her, an empty and confused Slayer who couldn't feel anything beside pain and… this.

"Buffy, look at me!" Spike begged again with a commanding move of his hips.

"Shut the hell up and get on with it, Spike!" Buffy gritted.

The vampire sighed inwardly and returned his mouth to nibble at Buffy's throat. His fingers dug deep into the stonewalls behind them and he kept assaulting her delicious body.

"Ugh, yes! Oh, yes!" Buffy cried.

She was close, he could feel it. But he didn't want this to end. This was his goddess, his love, his reason for being. This was heaven… and it was hell.

Spike knew that as soon as they were finished Buffy would retreat to herself and start to threaten him and maybe punch him. If he was lucky!

She would go back to punishing herself for this. And punishing him for simply loving her.

God, how he wished for a way out of this, for a way to change things between them. But he couldn't. He couldn't stop loving her and he couldn't leave her. Ever.

He was like liquid wax in her hands.

And if this was all he could ever give her, god, then he would give it her good!

Spike sped up his moves and groaned.

"Oh, yes, Spike! Yeeeessss!" Buffy moaned.

The feeling of Buffy climaxing around him was all it took to send him over the edge as well. And while he spilled his dead seed into her warm body Spike felt something inside tearing him apart and break all over again. His dead heart.

'God, I'm pathetic!' he thought.

I go liquid when you come around, and I know

I go solid but don't get me wrong, yes I go

I love to watch you when you mess around with my mind

I'm pathetic but only this time, who knows?

And I say

It's no more a secret

I go solid I go liquid, oh me

If it's the love that we live for

How come I didn't know?

Show me an easy way out

Show me an easy way out

The moment Spike let go of her Buffy pushed hard at his chest. Spike was propelled away and tried not to stumble over his jeans that crumbled around his weak knees. He knew what was to come now.

"Get away from me Spike!" Buffy growled and tried to straighten out her clothes.

After fastening his belt Spike lighted a smoke and replied as cocky as possible:

"Sorry, luv, but as I recall it this is my place!" He tried a smirk but failed miserably. Why did it always have to be like this?

"Look, Buffy…" he started softly but was cut off in an instant.

"No, Spike. Don't start." Buffy looked into his eyes briefly before she walked towards the door. "I'm going!"

"Slayer, wait. We can't go on like this." he tried to reach out for her arm but Buffy turned around quickly and stomped up the few stairs. She ripped the door open but hesitated and said cold:

"Get a grip, Spike. There's nothing going on between us. You're a… what is it you call it? Oh yeah, a 'bloody good shag' but nothing else. You're a soulless, evil thing and you will never be anything else to me! Got it? Or do I have to introduce Mr. Pointy to make it clear to you?"

Without any further look at him Buffy turned and ran out into the cemetery.

Forget the love and get back in the line with yourself

Try to accept the place where you belong, you belong

I love to teach you though you already know, but this time

Stay in touch if you're planning to go below

Buffy kept running all the way till she reached Revello Drive. Then she stopped at the front porch of her home and took a deep breath.

'God, why does he keep pushing me to say these things? His eyes when I said those words… soulless evil thing… but that's what he is, isn't it? He can't be anything else cause I could never do these things to someone who… had feelings, someone who cared! I could never live with that!'

Live… was that what she was doing?

Sure thing, she was eating, she was sleeping, she was making Dawn go to school and she was slaying demons every night. But… living?

The only time that she really felt alive, that she felt something other than the pain, the loss of what she'd used to have was… when she was with Spike.

But she didn't love him, did she? No, he was just an easy way out. An easy way to escape the pain, the numb feeling inside.

But this had to stop. Using him was killing her slowly.

Buffy opened the front door of her house and stepped inside.

There had to be another way.

And I say

It's no more a secret

I go solid I go liquid, oh me

If it's the love that we live for

How come I didn't know?

Show me an easy way out

Show me an easy way out

The end

I know the end is a bit abrupt but… nevertheless. Do you like it? Tell me please!