Rated: PG-13 for an… unusual pairing (To be kept a secret and it is Yaoi, that's all I'm saying), minor JakxKeira, and language.
Summery: Yet another 'Jak has a problem' fic. But this one hits much closer to home. Two people love each other, but Jak isn't happy with it at all.
Disclaimer: I own squat. So there!
Spoilers: Yes, Jak 3.
LES: This story was going to go in myone-shot humor collection, but I couldn't think ofmany jokes. The jokes I did think of, however, are still in there.The pairing may be one that I have personally never seen, but I think it's cute. This is perhaps the first Yaoi pairing that I like.
It was two weeks after Jak had defeated Erol… again. Sadly, it wasn't a very fair fight. Erol had a huge teraformer that he used to stomp all over the desert and Jak just had himself. Erol never stood a chance… However, now it was safe to say that Erol was rotting in Hell… hopefully.
Anyway, I am not here to debate whether Erol was still alive or not, but to tell you the story of what happened to Jak not two weeks after he destroyed Erol in that unfair fight.
It started out a normal day. Jak was awoken in the morning by his newly formed 'fan club' banging at the door. Jak then scared them all away by threatening to go Dark and eat them all. The people were scared away, but Jak knew they'd be back the next day to bug him again. He hoped that the threats kept holding up because if they knew the truth…
But Jak didn't want to think about it. He had enough headaches as it was! Besides… it was way too early to be thinking about that kind of stuff. Jak went silent for a few moments as he listened to… something. Suddenly, his face twisted into one of disgust and he decided that he needed a drink… now!
"Oh my God!" Daxter complained as he worked to turn his bar, which had so recently been a Southern HQ for the war back into one of the top bars in the City. He had just found yet another stash of military junk. "Torn! I told you to get all this crap OUT!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry, your Godliness." Torn said sarcastically, bowing to Daxter. "I do hope you won't turn me into a Yakkow!" Torn sneered.
Daxter glared at Torn. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood." Daxter said, just to cover up the fact that he really couldn't turn Torn into a Yakkow. But Torn knew better.
"Thank you. I'm so thankful you let me live." Torn sneered.
"Stupid ass Torn and his stupid ass military crap." Daxter grumbled.
Suddenly, the door swooshed open and Jak strolled into the bar. "Dax, drink, now!" Was all he said as he threw himself into a stool by the bar.
"But, Jak, you don't drink!" Daxter said.
"Just shut up and get me a damn drink. And make it a strong one too. I don't want to hear my head anymore." Jak said.
Daxter stared at Jak. "Okay, I know just the thing." Daxter went off to prepare Jak's drink.
Torn walked up and sat next to Jak. "Hey, the rat's right. I've never seen you drink. What's up?"
"Nothing." Jak muttered. "Just a headache."
"And you do know that you'll get a hangover from drinking, right? Drinking will only make it worse." Torn said. "Even you aren't that stupid. What's going on?"
"None of your business. I'll take care of it." Jak snarled. At that moment, Samos and Keira walked in.
"Jak, my boy, how are you?" Samos asked.
"Fine…" Jak began.
"Something's eating him." Torn said. Jak glared at him.
"Really?" Keira asked.
"No!" Jak spat. "I'm fine! I just need a drink." At that moment, Daxter came back with a cup full of a rather deadly looking neon-green drink. Jak picked up the cup and nearly downed half of it before he stopped for a coughing fit.
"You shouldn't drink it that fast, Jak." Daxter said. "That's Lurker brew, that is." Jak set the drink down and fidgeted on the stool, as if he were uncomfortable.
"Damn, not working." Jak said as he drank some more, completely ignoring Daxter's advice. He downed the whole thing and coughed some more.
Everyone stared. "Damn, that's got to be a new record. I've never seen someone down Lurker brew that fast." Daxter said.
"What's going on, Jak?" Keira asked.
If anything, Jak's fidgeting seemed to only get worse. "It's nothing. I just need another drink." Jak said, shifting on the stool.
"No way! I'm not going to pay to have you sent to the hospital for alcohol poisoning!" Daxter said.
"Jak, you're fidgeting." Keira said.
"No I'm not." Jak said. At that moment, his left eye twitched, showing that something was up. Even though all this, he continued to fidget.
"Damn Jak, stop that! You look like you've got ants in your pants!" Daxter said.
Jak growled. "I don't ever want to hear you use the phrase 'in your pants' again!"
"What? Do you have something against pants or something? You should've been the one turned into a Precursor!" Daxter said.
"The rat is right. You are fidgeting an awful lot, Jak." Samos said.
"You know what… he didn't start fidgeting until Samos and Keira walked into the room…" Daxter pieced the information together the only way he knew how. "Oh my God!" Daxter shook his head. "Jak, we ALL know you like Keira, but that's no reason to go all…"
"Shut UP DAX!" Jak roared. "It's not like that! It's…" Jak caught himself before he gave away his dreadful secret.
"It's… what, Jak?" Samos asked, relived that Jak didn't feel 'that way' about his daughter.
"No, you guys will never live it down." Jak said.
"Don't worry, it's probably not as bad as you think it is." Keira said.
"You'll laugh." Jak said.
"No, we won't." Torn said.
"Oh sure, that's what you say. And then what happens later? You laugh." Jak said.
"Please, Jak." Keira begged, putting a slim hand on his arm. "You can tell me anything." Jak knew that this move was loving, and he could hear protests in the back of his mind.
"It's… my alter egos." Jak said, getting prepared for the laughter.
"Dark and Light?" Daxter asked.
"No." Jak said sarcastically. "Of course them! How many alter egos do I have?"
"Well, what about them?" Samos asked.
"They… they…" Jak stuttered. He paused, taking a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing. "They… love each other."
There was silence for about two minutes while everyone processed this information. "Oh my God." Daxter finally said. "Are you saying that your alter egos are gay… with each other?"
"How… how do you know this?" Keira asked.
Jak pointed to his head. "I can hear them… all the time." Jak growled. "It drives me crazy! All the time, they are talking about WHAT they would do IF they each had their own bodies! They are always telling the other how MUCH they love each other! They are always spouting sentimental mush to each other! They constantly hound me to find a way to get them their own bodies so they can… take their 'relationship' to the 'next level'!"
"Eww…" Everyone said at once.
"Now… will you please give me that drink? I don't want to hear them." Jak said.
"Okay. I'll give you that drink. Even if it means you have to go to the hospital to get your stomach pumped." Daxter said, heading off to get Jak his drink, because he sooo needed it.
(Inside Jak's head.)
"Why can't they see?" Light Jak wondered. "If only they couldsee the way we feel about each other. They'd understand."
"I don't know." Dark Jak said, giving Light Jak a small kiss on the forehead. "That's just the way the world is."
"Well, no matter what the world thinks… I love you." Light Jak said.
Dark Jak smiled. But not a 'you're-about-to-be-disemboweled' smile, it was a loving smile. "I love you, too."
LES: I don't know. Has someone done a DarkLight fic yet? This was very weird. I thought this up in English class. I just started wondering, 'What if Dark Jak and Light Jak loved each other?' Sadly, I had to wait to get home to do it, but here it is. A romance fic between Dark Jak and Light Jak! I am so weird.