LES: That's right! Bet you thought you'd seen the last of Jak's Headache! Yeah right, suckas!
Jak: Oh no! Not again! I'm still having nightmares over the first one!
LES: Well… I was mostly surprised by the reviews I got, which ranged from 'Barf' to 'Ew' to 'Original' to 'CUTE!'. But many, many people demanded a continuance. I didn't know so many people would get a kick out of DarkLight. Anyway, thanks for the ideas and suggestions! To the one who suggested that they could have mutant children, I have one thing to say: Sorry. I am tolerate of Yaoi fics because Yaoi does happen in real life. But I will never tolerate M-Preg because it is physically, never gonna happen, it'll be a cold day in hell before a biological male gets pregnant! It's not biologically possible, get over it.
Light: But we rule the world.
LES: Sure, why not.
Dark: (Is tied up) Save me!
LES: Shut up, and start making out with Light! It will be nice to have some fans from the Yaoi fan base.
Dark: (Looks at Jak) Kill me! Just kill me now!
Jak: No. Kill me. Please.
So, it had been some time since Jak had confessed to his friends that his two Alter-Egos had somehow, against all normal reasoning and logic, had fallen in love with each other. It would never be clear if this was queer behavior, or some sort of demonic narcissism.
But, the point was, queer or not, Jak now had two Alter-Egos that were completely in love with each other. And this was driving a very straight Jak insane.
After he had endured getting his stomach pumped for consuming a hellava lot of booze, the doctors told him to lay off the booze for a while. Jak had not been pleased. He had drunk until he quite literally could not hear the voices in his head anymore. In other words, he was near-comatose. Now even booze couldn't save him from his Alter-Egos.
And, what's worse, because all three were locked in the same body, and because they would flirt constantly, they were even affecting their host in ways that neither had done before. Jak now had a habit of waking up in the middle of the night, aroused and panting with lust when his dreams had been anything but sexual. It was his Alter-Egos, Jak knew it. It was their fault he couldn't go a single night without feeling the pangs of lust!
At least Daxter didn't know that little tidbit, nor did any of his friends.
What they did know was that the confusing mix of sexual feelings, his own and his Alter-Egos, had turned the elf into something of the ultimate bisexual. That had been famously demonstrated at the Naughty Ottsel several days ago. In an attempt to get Jak to forget about his Alter-Egos and remind him of his true sexuality, Keira had jumped him in a passionate kiss. The yells of protest in the back of his mind started and took over. Almost as soon as Keira let go of Jak, he turned on the closest male (which happened to be Torn) and…
Well… let's just say that Torn came pretty damn close to drinking the City's entire mouthwash supply dry. Jak drank what was left and was to be seen brushing his teeth at really random moments for the next few days. Keira could be seen sulking. The very last thing she expected Jak to do after she made-out with him was to turn on Torn and do the same thing to him.
Needless to say all these occurrences, especially what happened with Torn, had left Jak deeply confused: confused about who he was, about his sexuality, and confused about everything in general. It was fair to say that Jak needed to see a shrink rather badly.
But, unfortunately, there were no shrinks in Haven City prepared to deal with Jak's case. Sure, they would be able to diagnose Multiple Personality Syndrome pretty easily, but how many other MPS patients had real alter-egos? Let alone personalities that fell in love with each other? None.
Thankfully, there was one person who could help, and that person paid a visit to Jak's house, considering that he had practically been put under house arrest by Torn… to keep him as far away as possible. It was Onin and Pecker.
The two entered, staring at Jak, or Pecker was staring at Jak. The normally tough warrior and hero had been reduced to a semi-fetal position with his head in his hands. "So…" Pecker began. "We hear you have been having Alter-Ego trouble."
"Leave me the Hell alone." Jak growled. He had long given up hope that he would ever be sane again.
"Onin asked what's wrong." Pecker translated Onin's strange symbols.
Jak looked up, his hair disheveled and dark circles under his eyes. He looked every bit insane. "What's wrong?!? I'll tell you what's wrong! My Alter-Egos are gay and they're driving me insane! I can't tell which way is up or down, if I'm straight, bisexual, or gay, or even which Jak I am right now!"
"Oh." Pecker said, giggling slight. "That makes sense."
"Sense?" Jak growled. "I fail to see where the sense is in all this!"
"Than let me explain." Pecker said, translating Onin's symbols. "You are male, so that would physically make your Alter-Egos male, am I right so far?" Jak nodded. "In this sense, if they are romantically involved, they would be homosexual. But if you just look at them from an Ecological (The study of Eco) point of view, you'll see they aren't homosexuals, but heterosexuals."
Jak glanced up. "How can you tell me they're straight?"
"Dark Eco has always been considered masculine. From an Ecological stand-point, Dark is male. However, Light Eco is the opposite… feminine. So, in this way, your Light Side is female. Your Dark Side cannot see that Light is physically male, all he can see is Light Eco… a woman."
Jak shook his head. "This is almost worse than before. You're saying that Light is a female in a male's body?"
"Correct." Onin said through Pecker.
"But wait! There's more!"
"Oh no, what now?" Jak groaned.
"We know the reason for your recent insanity."
Jak snorted. "That's easy. My Alter-Egos are driving me crazy with all their flirting. Technically straight or not, I don't want to listen to it every moment of the day!"
"Well… no… not really." Pecker said. "Onin says that it is the combination of opposing Ecos inside your body. They naturally what to separate, but it is tearing your mind apart. Having opposing Ecos in containment for too long creates a violent reaction."
"Wait. In the Standard language, please, my head is throbbing." Jak groaned.
"And for good reason. Imagine that we put a Plasmite bomb in your skull. That's a pretty good idea of what would happen if we don't separate the Ecos out of your body soon." Pecker said.
Jak stared up at them. "Are you saying my head's gonna explode?!?"
"Actually, that's a pretty actuate description." Pecker said.
"So… how would we stop this?" Jak asked, trying to keep the image of his head suddenly going 'boom' out of his mind.
"The simplest way would be to perform an ancient ritual that will give all of you separate bodies and separate your three personalities forever." Pecker said.
Jak could hear his Alter-Egos celebrating in the back of his mind. It made him sick. "You know, considering my options, having my head explode doesn't sound so bad." Jak said seriously.
Pecker laughed and Onin seemed to laugh silently. "Don't be silly. Their decisions would then have nothing to do with you and you won't be affected by it anymore."
Jak glanced up. "It won't affect me anymore?"
"No more waking up in the middle of the night aroused for no good reason! No more making out with other guys!"
"Precursors, sign me up!" Jak cried.
"We knew you'd see sense in the end." Pecker said. "It is actually a very simple procedure. Just stay still and a warning, this will feel weird."
"Probably no weirder than I've felt the last few weeks." Jak reasoned.
"Very well." Pecker said as Onin began to perform a strange ritual. All three personalities held their breath, hoping it would work.
For several seconds, nothing seemed to happen. And then the strangest feeling filled the elf, sort of like he was being pulled in two different directions. An involuntary cry escaped his lips at the feeling of being torn in three different pieces.
Finally, it stopped and Jak almost fell to his knees. He could feel the presence of his two alter-egos, not in his mind, but physically on either side of him.
"Okay… you were right… that was weird." Jak admitted.
Slightly behind him, Dark and Light had immediately leapt at each other, making out wildly. But, for the first time, Jak was capable of not taking notice, and he used his new ability to ignore them completely. In the absence of his alter-egos, it was easier for him to come to grips with his own identity and sexuality.
"I… I finally know who I am! And I know my true sexuality!" Jak stood up, smiling brightly. "My name is Jak Mar and I like… no… I worship boobs!"
Dark and Light, who had stopped their display of affection when Jak spoke, stared at the normal elf in confusion. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Dark asked.
"Nothing's wrong with me now, you demonic fruitcake! I'm free!" Jak celebrated. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make-out with the first girl I see!" He stormed out and did, indeed, make-out with the first woman he saw. He got slapped for his trouble. But he didn't care! He was free again!
LES: End of Chapter 2! To be looked forward to in the next chapter:
Jak's friends find out about Jak getting separated into three personalities. Now they all have to physically deal with Jak's gay Alter-Egos. Jak becomes obsessed with proving he's completely straight and no longer influenced by his Alter-Ego's sexuality. And Torn is still avoiding Jak.