This is a little one-shot I had the urge to write. It's almost 3 AM but I'm doing it anyway. Enjoy! This is dedicated to Sarah Bolen. You asked me to write you a fic, so here it is. Thanks for the encouragement!
Beast Boy stood motionless just inside the door that led to the roof. He lingered silently on the top step, on the fine line between inside where he could hide from his fears and outside where they would be exposed. The object of his dilemma sat cross-legged on the roof not three yards in front of him, soft violet hair drifting gently in the breeze.
He hadn't had any idea before.
Beast Boy had always assumed that Raven was strong, tough, untouchable. Nothing got to her. Nothing moved her. Nothing touched her heart. He had falsely seen a thick, protective wall built up all around her, shutting him out. Shutting everyone out. Keeping her thoughts and feelings concealed safely behind a transparent barrier as impenetrable as diamond. Little had he known how wrong he was. She was fragile. She was soft. She was breakable. She was as helpless as any person was at the mercy of someone you truly believed cared for you. A week ago, the walls had come down and Beast Boy had seen, if only for a fleeting moment, the fragile core that Raven had worked so hard to conceal. At that moment when she had been so completely broken, so helpless, so in need, he had seen who she really was. She couldn't hide behind a mask any longer. Beast Boy knew the truth. She was just as breakable as he was.
Breathing a light sigh, Beast Boy slowly made the transition from stair to rooftop. It was nearly midnight. The soft white beams of a rich full moon bathed the flat roof, illuminating everything in the magical, alluring kind of glow you couldn't get from sun. From anywhere else.
Beast Boy didn't need to wonder why Raven had been sitting on the roof for the past three hours, looking at the sky. That didn't matter to him anymore. He had spent the last year and a half questioning her, wanting to know her motivations, puzzling over why she was the way she was. He didn't need to know anymore. He was content with her existence. She was alive and breathing, and as long as that fact existed, he didn't need to know any more. He was happy with seeing her just the way she was, just knowing she was there a few halls away every night when he fell asleep, every morning when he woke up. He had developed a slow acceptance of Raven, unconsciously forgetting her every flaw, seeing only the things he had never noticed before. The graceful way she moved about the kitchen making her tea, the quiet intensity she held in battle, the delicate, magical feeling that radiated off of her whenever she meditated.
Beast Boy's eyes slid slowly to half-mast as he watched the Azarathian from behind, drinking in her presence and basking in being near her. He moved forward slightly, keeping his eyes trained on the back of her head.
"Hello, Beast Boy," she said suddenly without so much as turning around. Beast Boy gave a squeak of surprise, toppling backwards and landing with a thud on his stomach on the roof. Raven slowly rotated her upper half and watched him lying there in a tangled heap of Beast Boy.
"Dude, I didn't expect that," he said, looking up at her from where he lay on the roof.
"Oh, do people not usually speak to you while you spy on them?" Raven asked, a slightly dangerous edge of sarcasm in her voice.
"Oh come on Raven, I wasn't spying," Beast Boy said, defending himself. He fought off gravity and sat up slowly so he could see at her eye level.
"Of course you weren't," Raven answered, turning her gaze back to the royal blue velvet of the sky. The sarcasm in her voice was painfully, purposefully obvious.
The soft, cold moonlight illuminated Raven's pale face, giving off a faint celestial glow, giving an extra shine to her smooth purple hair. Beast Boy tried to concentrate on something besides the beauty that he had taken almost two years to see for what it was. Beast Boy chose his words carefully.
"Can I sit with you for a while?" he asked softly. Raven didn't respond. For a moment, Beast Boy thought she didn't hear him, but she nodded slightly.
"Yes, if you'd like," she told him. Normally, Beast Boy would have bounced over excitedly, but instead he was cautious, moving himself into her zone of personal space slowly, giving her time to get accustomed to him being near. She didn't seem to mind him being close to her. She didn't move. Only kept staring into the sky. Beast Boy was content like that for a moment, just being near Raven, knowing she was there, knowing she was close.
"Raven?" Beast Boy asked finally, breaking the long silence.
"Yes?" Raven asked. Her voice sounded jaded, pained.
"Are you……" long pause. "…..um…OK?" he asked, changing his mind at the last second.
"I…will be," Raven answered softly, voice betraying her and showing emotional wounds she could not conceal. How did he know? Could he tell? The other Titans had not seen through her nonchalant façade about the Malchior incident. Was her pain really so visible?
"That's good." Beast Boy nodded very faintly, allowing another long pause to grow between the two of them.
Raven was looking at the rooftop now. Her body was bent in an arc of defeat, loneliness. Beast Boy was only inches away and she still felt alone. He cared enough to ask her if she was OK, no more. He was on the outside. She had hoped that after he had been the one to comfort her in her misery, he would be on the inside with her. But he wasn't.
Beast Boy stayed still for a moment, watching Raven's face, and the slowly, very slowly, he lifted one arm and looped it around her shoulders. Raven stiffened and then jumped slightly, and then relaxed, leaning into the slight pressure of Beast Boy's arm across her shoulders. When she didn't complain, Beast Boy slid his arm further so it was actually around Raven, hugging slightly instead of just resting.
Raven was slightly taken aback. This strange gesture seemed almost random, and yet she had the sneaking suspicion it was what she had been waiting for all along.
They sat there for a moment in silence. Beast Boy watched Raven for a moment. She wasn't showing any signs of displeasure in the fact that he had his arm around her. She was so quiet, so restrained, and now, he saw…so fragile. The weakness just made him desire her more. Willing up his courage, he leaned sideways slightly. The side of Raven's head was coming closer, he was trembling…
His lips connected gently with the pale, cool skin of Raven's cheek, and he kissed her there briefly.
This time, Raven was more than a little shocked. Her mind wheeled out of control as her head whipped sideways so she could look him in the face, eyes wide. Beast Boy offered no embarrassed explanation, only sat there watching her silently. Raven seemed slightly flustered, but she slowly took her shocked eyes off of his face and looked toward the sky once more.
"Raven?" Beast Boy asked.
"What?" Raven asked shakily.
"Um…I know this sounds kind of rude because I know it's none of my business but…Raven…did you…do you love Malchior?" Beast Boy asked, finally releasing the question he had been wondering for a week now.
"No," Raven asked softly, sounding almost wounded by his question.
"Do you even love?" he asked, not realizing how rude it sounded until it was too late.
"Everyone loves," Raven told him in her normal monotone.
"Then who do you love?" he asked her. Raven's eyes suddenly bored into him, intense amethyst spheres. He could see tiny pictures of his own face reflected in them.
Raven seemed unable to answer for a moment. The silence stretched long and wide, and swallowed her up completely. She looked at him, seeming to be begging, pleading for release from some terrible prison. Her eyes quivered, trembled. It seemed as though he resolve was building and then shattering repeatedly inside. Several deep breaths, she closed her eyes for a moment.
"I love you," she said in a tiny whisper, but Beast Boy heard it. His eyes widened and he stared at her, open-mouthed. He could only stammer for a few seconds, eyes popping out of his head. By the time he had regained himself Raven was staring off into nothing, looking like she was about to cry.
"R-Raven," Beast Boy muttered, mind filled with the joy and fear of the fact that Raven had just confessed to him the very same thing he had been trying to work up the courage to confess to her. "I love you too."
Raven's eyes slowly fixed themselves on his, holding his gaze. "Really?" she asked softly, unsurely, almost unwilling to believe it could be true, that someone could love her.
"More than anything," Beast Boy assured her. "I know Malchior hurt you, and I know that it's probably hard for you to trust me with this, but-"
Raven cut him off. "I trust you more than anyone I have ever met in my life," she said, staring deeply into his eyes.
"You do?" Beast Boy asked. When Raven nodded, he smiled. "I trust you too," he said.
And then any more words he might have said were drowned by the soft, surprising sensation of Raven's lips against his own. Of Raven kissing him. He allowed himself to drown in it, to kiss her back, to wrap his arms tightly around her. Raven returned his tight embrace, kissing him more and more passionately. Beast Boy was surprised that someone so seemingly emotionless could hold such passion.
Raven was unable to stop kissing him, unable to stop releasing all the love she had kept locked away for so long. She kissed him until she couldn't stand another moment without oxygen and then the two broke apart, gasping for breath.
"Wow," Beast Boy muttered, gawking at her. She shyly averted her eyes from him for a moment.
"God Beast Boy, I love you. I'm not even supposed to be able to love. I'm supposed to be emotionless." she paused. "You made me….you made me feel. I….thank you," she said.
"No problem," Beast Boy said with a large grin, pulling Raven into a hug.
Raven allowed herself to be cradled in his arms. She allowed herself to delight in the love that surrounded her, and for the first time she could remember, she was not afraid. She knew their love was new, it was fragile, it was hazardous. But like everything does, it would grow, strengthen, become something truly wonderful. Something, for Raven, that would finally be real.
Just because something is breakable, doesn't mean it can't be beautiful
Well, there it is. Sorry if it sucked. I was so tired when I wrote this.