Counting to Infinity

Some spend their lives, just counting to infinity. Waiting for when they finally reach the end- Anonymous

Grissom looked through the glass frozen as he saw Sara on the ground with Adam holding what looked like a piece of ceramic to her neck. Seconds ticked by, and with each second Adam could kill her.


As she fought he pushed it harder against her neck talking to her...the words unable to be understood by Grissom. But then she looked up and her eyes met his.


Sara had seen that look before. Many years ago. It was a look she'd never forget. The look in Grissom's eyes was that of the one that she met when her world began to go to hell. A night similar to this...

March 28, 1980

Her dad turned to her and she stepped back. Then he smirked lifting his arm only slightly. Sara looked and the silver blade of the kitchen knife glistened against the light of the lamp nearby.

"Dad," Sara said fearfully.

"You messed up Sara," He replied calmly. "You told!"

"Dad I swear I didn't tell anyone," Sara replied getting really scared as she backed up for every step he took.

"Someone did because they found out Sara, and who else would it have been? I'm going to be in a lot of trouble, and now you have to pay for it," He said and Sara couldn't back up anymore seeing as there was a wall there.

"Dad don't," Sara pleaded.

"Get away from her!"

Sara turned and saw her brother in the doorway looking at what was going on.

"Trenton," She said and started to run over there but her dad ran faster and grabbed her around the waist.

Sara struggled and he threw her to the floor where he then put one arm tightly around her holding her in place while the other held the blade of the knife at her throat. Her dad turned her towards Trenton who was frozen.

"You wanna see your sister die boy?" He asked maliciously.

"Trenton," Sara said as tears fell.

"I told," Trenton said and Sara flat out knew it was a lie.

Sara's heart froze and she felt as if she would die right there.


"Trenton no," Sara started.

"Sara shut the hell up," Trenton yelled.

"NO!" Sara yelled back and the blade pressed against her neck piercing the skin in a thin line as he held it there. "Trenton don't do it."

"To hell with you both," Her dad said removing the knife and then Sara felt pain coming from her stomach as he stabbed her and took the knife out.

He kept on stabbing her and Trenton ran over just to get thrown back and his arm sliced. Sara thanked the gods when the stabbing stopped and she was dropped to the floor where she just lie there, numb to all the pain since it was too immense. Trenton ran over there and lifted her into his arms. He ignored the pain and took her hand in his.

"Sara stay with me please," He begged.

Her life was beginning to fade and the two both knew it.

"Please," Trenton begged.


They watched as their mom came in and saw all that happened. She grabbed the tossed knife and stabbed their father to death before taking off. Trenton didn't care, his sister was dying in his arms.

"Sara look at me," He said.

She looked and met his chocolate brown eyes with this look. A look of helplessness and sorrow. And pain for being useless in stopping her pain.

"Hold on alright. You got to keep fighting for me," Trenton told her.

"Can't," Sara whispered as her eyes began to droop.

"Scout promise me," He said reverting to his nickname for her. "Come on Scout you never break a promise and I'm making you promise me. It's not over till you stop breathing and you haven't yet. Don't stop fighting Scout. You got to hold on and keep fighting whatever is coming."

Her eyes barely opened and she saw that look still. It hurt to know she caused that look.

"Is it over?" She whispered.


He smiled and held her close, "yeah Scout. It's over."

He lied. It was never over. Foster care was hell. And life still turned out to be a bitch. Sara was in the arms of an insane maniac with a weapon at her throat. She realized that it was in the same spot too. A scar lined her neck there but no one noticed it ever. She focused her eyes back from where she was lost in the past for a second and saw the look in Grissom's eyes. He was begging her the same as Trenton did. Sara sighed inside.


Don't stop fighting Scout. You gotta hold on and keep fighting.

Sara looked away and struggled against the grasp even more. The door flew open and she was released from his grasp. She didn't even turn as the inmate tried to kill himself. Just bolted and ran down the hallway till she stopped. Too many memories flooding back.

Endless hallway as Trenton had his arm around her waist, helping her walk down the hallway of where they held their mom. They were going to say their final goodbyes before going to foster care. She saw the look in her mom's eyes and never wanted to see it again.

"Come on Scout," Trenton told her. "We gotta get you back to the hospital."

She didn't fight. Just keep looking at her mom's eyes and then her mom broke the gaze. Sara allowed herself to be led away.


Thunder roared and Sara walked to the window looking out and putting her arms to grasp the metal covering the window. She watched the rain pour, lightening fill the air, and thunder roar again. Sara closed her eyes as another memory flew forth.

It rained as they stood outside. It was raining as they lowered the casket. It rained and Sara was getting soaked by the rain, refusing an umbrella. The child-size casket just kept lowering.

"I promised him something," Her best friend Andy said and Sara turned to Andy.

"What?" Sara asked her voice sounding dead.

Andy turned to her soaked by the rain, "I promised Trenton that I'd look after you till the end."

"Things don't always work out the way you want them too," Sara replied and watched as the Casket disappeared below the ground. "That's one thing I've learned."

"So manipulate them to," Andy replied. "I'm not letting them get you Scout. You're safe now. If you aren't then Trenton will strike me dead with a lightening bolt."

Sara softly smiled and seconds passed as the coffin just had to keep lowering.


"We both know he had anger management issues Scout," Andy joked and Sara sighed. "Lets get you inside and then if I get you a cookie can you help with my science homework?"

"A cookie?" Sara asked.

"Pie?" Andy tried.

"Deal," Sara replied.

The yelling went on deaf ears as Sara watched the rain fall into the desert ground. She ignored the look from Grissom she was receiving.

Grissom looked at Sara as she stared out the window and looked like she was struggling with something. Grissom didn't even know if she was alright...please let her be, he thought. The seconds kept ticking by.


"We need a medical team now!" Someone yelled and Sara bowed her head as another memory flew foreword.

The 14 year old Sara lifted her head from the picnic table where she lay trying to sleep at lunch time as Andy came over with Jesse and Jared.

"Oh boy here come the cowboys," Allison sighed and Sara grinned.

"You know you love em," Sara replied lowering her head to her sweatshirt and closing her eyes as the sun warmed her skin.

"Scout I need you to do me a favor," Andy said.

"If it involves homework, note that I did not do any of mine from last night and am spending today in detention," Sara replied her eyes closed.

"Well you're going to have company then," Andy sighed lifting her legs up and then sitting.

He replaced them but rested her feet on his lap. They relaxed there for awhile.

"We have that Spanish test next hour," Allison said.

"Like I actually know Spanish?" Sara asked. "God I never study for those tests."

"Yeah I know you-" Jared started then a bang was heard.

Sara shot up and flung her feet to the ground. They saw three kids walking and they pulled out guns.

"Get down!" Andy yelled and he grabbed Sara and pulled her under the table as gun fire was directed towards them.


"Shit," Jesse said as he tackled Allison under the table too.

Andy held Sara close to him against his chest as they watched the events unfold. Sara leaned against Andy feeling Safe until...

"Jared!" Sara yelled.

Jared saw a sixth grader coming out of class clueless. Jared ran and got shot as he ran, but he tackled the sixth grader saving him from a bullet.

"Jared!" Sara and Allison screamed and then the school cop fired shots killing the kids.

"We need a medical team now!" He yelled into his radio.


Andy held Sara as she closed her eyes at seeing her friend dead. She buried her face in his chest and he held her tight as he gently stroked her hair.

"It's alright Scout," Andy whispered. "It's all over."

"Sara," Grissom said and she snapped back to reality.

She turned around and sighed.

"You hurt?" Grissom asked.

"No," Sara replied simply.

She had told him what happened. Her mom stabbed her dad. Yeah, but she left out the part that she was the cause of it all. She was angry because it happened because of her. Trenton died protecting her from their foster parents who were in some ways worse than their real parents. Jared died doing what was right. It never ended.

After solving the case, Sara went home and sat down. She picked up her phone and dialed a number she knew by heart.

"Hey this is Andy, the crazy cowboy. I'm not here right now so leave a message and If I give a crap about who you are, I guess I can step away from my guitar and call you back. Yee haw!"

Sara chuckled and it beeped so she sighed.

"Hey Cowboy," Sara said to the machine. "It's Scout. Some shit went down and Just got me thinking. Give me a call later when you're done playing your country music."

Sara hung up and sat there a second. Two seconds later there was a knock at her door. She opened it up and Andy was there.

"I had a bad feeling. Annoyed everyone at work and they said then act on it because you can't think before kicking me out. So bad feelings only happen like this when I know something is gonna happen to someone I love. You just left me a message. Do I have to guess that something bad happened?" Andy asked and looked at her concerned.


Sara didn't answer, but Andy saw the small cut on her neck and lifted his hand to gently graze his fingers over it.

"I'll kill him," He whispered.

"He's already dead mentally the guy who did it," Sara replied dryly.

Andy narrowed his eyes, "Well come on."

He started dragging her and she barely managed to close the door as they started outside.

"Where are we going?" Sara asked.

"To get a priest to bring him back to his right mind. Maybe. Depends on how drunk we get," Andy replied.

"I have to work tonight," Sara said.

"You're always working Scout. Always working to make sure you keep yourself safe because you promised me and Andy, but that didn't work did it?" Andy said and Sara sighed and dropped his hand as they were outside near his car. He turned to her, "What?"

"Andy things happen okay," Sara started.

"Scout things have already happened," Andy said angrily and stopped as she looked down. "God I just don't get why they always have to happen to you, to me, to us."

"I got some good advice from a crazy kid once," Sara said and Andy looked at her. "It ain't over till you stop breathing. We're still breathing cowboy and we aren't about to stop now."


That night Grissom was concerned about how Sara would be acting. But when he saw her laughing with Greg he knew that she'd be okay and that there was nothing to worry about. He was about to turn away when Sara looked at him from where she was laughing with Greg and she met his eyes before looking away.

The look he saw was a look of content, rather than the one of fear and pain he saw the night before. He knew they all had to keep moving on.


"You okay?" Greg asked her.

"Yeah," Sara replied.

"Heard about what happened at the loony bin. Were you freaked?" Greg asked.

"Just Deja Vou all over again," Sara replied with a meaning of her own and Greg raised an eyebrow. "It never ends Greg."

"Why not?" Greg asked. "Why doesn't it?"

"Some people spend their whole lives waiting for it to end," Sara replied. "In the end they only end up counting to infinity."

Greg looked at her and smirked, "Wise words Sidle."

"Wish they were mine," Sara replied with a sigh.