Alright, I know I should be working on other fics, but this idea came into my head and I couldn't help up work on it and instead of again feeling guilty I decided to post it up here.
So, the break down: this is my way of doing gilmore girls AU-ish fics. They're so awkward, because the show just isn't about a set cast of characters, it's a mess of returning characters, new characters, there's all these different story lines for each of the characters, so on and so forth. And you can't just transport an entire town into a new place, that'd be just pointless. So, just work with me here.
This fic really explores what would Lorelai's life be like if she had given Rory up for adpotion. It will mainly deal with the over-used dream squence (Holy Gilligan's Island flashbacks, batman!), but I thought that would work best.
Feedback would be most appericated. Title subject to change.
Baby's got Blue Eyes
"God only knows what I'd be without you."
(Beach Boys, "God only Knows")
The rain beat down softly on the massive front windows of Luke's dinner, and the infamously spirited Lorelai Gilmore sat slumped over her table, coffee cup in hand. It was going on seven, Rory was late again. They were supposed to meet at six for their usual dinner at Luke's, but she was late. Again. For the third time that month.
And for Rory Gilmore, a child that from the tender age of six prided herself on promptness, that was reason enough for admission into a psycho ward for a twenty-four hour observation.
She felt a slight nudging in her back shoulder blade, and grumbled a response. Probably just someone checking to make sure she was still alive. Hell, who knows? Maybe a tourist checking out what small town people were really like.
"You've been like that for a half-hour," she heard Luke's gruff voice behind her, "Ever since you ran out of coffee. Since then I have waved several pots, fresh pots mind you, in front of your face and you haven't even flinched. What's with you?"
She lifted her head slowly from the table, "It's nothing," she mumbled, "Rory's just a little late again, that's all."
"Are you sick? Did you not see the beautiful coffee pot?" He raised his arm with the coffeepot in hand for emphasis. He waved it around a bit, pulling it further away then back up close to her.
She just watched with mild amusement, "Look, I'm fine. I guess it's just the rain that's making me this moody. Rory's probably just stuck up at school again. You've met Paris haven't you?"
She nodded, "She's quite the little firecracker."
"Did you just say 'firecracker'?"
"Yes, and shut up. Sometimes I enjoy expanding my vocabulary with new and exciting adjectives and other grammar stuff."
He rolled his eyes, "Then I'll get you word of the day toilet paper for your birthday next time, no more of this five free work hours from Luke nonsense."
She smiled at his antics, "Thanks, I needed that."
He offered a warm smile, "Sure thing." He topped off the rest of her coffee cup, before returning back to his other customers.
She sipped her coffee absent mindedly, just watching Luke as he interacted with his other customers, scribbling down this, scribbling down that, yelling things at Caesar in the back, or at Kirk from across the room.
She was so focused on watching that she almost missed the soft ringing of her cell phone, the only reason she had noticed it was when Luke gave her an annoyed look and pointed to the sign. Not just any old sign. But the sign. The sign that never allowed her to answer and talk into her cell phone inside of the diner. Not that she had ever been one for the rules.
She leapt for her phone, pouncing on it like a lion would the poor zebra it happened to catch that day. "Rory?" She spat out automatically, not even bothering to check the caller ID first.
"Yeah, it's me, mom."
"What's up, where are you?"
"Still at Yale. I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it tonight, I'm sorry. Things are just piling up here, and Paris isn't helping," she seemed to shout the last part into the background, "So, yeah, maybe next week then?"
"But you cancelled the week before too. I haven't seen you much, kid. I feel like a normal thirty-year old unmarried woman! What are you doin' to me?" She forced a chuckle on Rory's account. At least on the phone Rory couldn't see the real reaction.
"Mom," Rory moaned, "It's getting down to the end of the year. I've got exams and a full class load! I'm sorry, but I guess you'll just have to be a non-single parent for once. Go out and get drunk. Do something crazy. Egg a car. Egg Luke's car!"
"Sure thing, kiddo."
Rory sighed, "Look, I'm sorry. But I can't make it. I thought I could squeeze you in, but things are just too crazy right now. I promise I'll try and call later, kay?"
"Yeah, that'd be good."
"Love you," Rory sang into the phone.
"Yeah, love you too, kiddo." She closed the phone slowly, then set it down on the table without so much as a word. She stared blankly ahead, watching as the rain poured down onto the streets in front of her.
"She's not coming, I take it," Luke pulled up a seat besides her, then set the fresh coffeepot in the middle of the table. Just in case.
Lorelai forced another smile, "Oh, it's almost the end of the year. Got a lot of cramming to do, y'know. She tried, but she just couldn't squeeze me in. But we'll try again next week. Same bat-time, same bat-place."
"Lorelai," he said softly.
She shook her head, "No. Don't do that, Luke. I know that voice, and I'm fine. Nothing to worry about. And you know what, this, this might be good for me. Now I can do everything I've always wanted to do! I mean, I never really got the chance to be a single gal before! Now I can really see what it's like! This is gonna be fun. I'm a fun! Hell I'm a walking party! This is gonna be great. Like frosted flakes great. Just grrr-eat!"
"You don't believe that."
She bit her lip, "Yes, yes I do," she lied unconvincingly.
"Lorelai, I love Rory just as much as you, but she shouldn't be doing this to you. You're her mother, she should at least take a couple of hours off to visit you, especially since she hasn't seen you in about a month now, right? You've missed that many dinners? It's bullshit. Nobody's that busy."
Lorelai turned to face him, "Well maybe Rory is."
"Well you're wrong about her. And me. We're just fine. Rory's just busy. With schoolwork. She's got a full class load, you know. And Yale's a tuff school!"
"I know, but that doesn't change the fact that she can't take steal a couple of hours once a week to see her mom. Hell, I think I even saw Jess more then that, and I know he hated me."
"Jess didn't hate you. At least not in the end."
"Well he did a just dandy job of showing it. Not graduating I think was his biggest gift that he has ever given me to date."
Lorelai smiled faintly, as they both fell into a comfortable silence, both just staring out at the rain in front of them. "She's a good kid, y'know. Just busy."
"It's just hard being alone like this, y'know? It's always been me and her. We grew up together. It's just hard adjusting that's all."
"Did you ever wonder what your life would be like if you, well, if you had given Rory up for adoption? I mean, you were sixteen. That's quite the load to be taking on. I'm sure the thought must have crossed your mind at least once or twice, didn't it?"
She nodded, "Yeah. I did."
"I wonder if you'd still be here, sitting with me. Watching the rain."
She turned back to face him, tearing her eyes away from the rain for probably the first time in an hour or so. "I'm sure I would."
Luke smiled faintly, as he picked up his hand and rested it on top of her own, "Good. I don't think my diner would have survived without your massive contributions to my income."
"Can I stay here tonight?"
He looked at her strangely, "I-umm, wow,"
"I just don't want to go home to an empty house again," she admitted, "The monsters might get me," she tired to add in a dash of her trademark humor, but it fell flat one again.
He nodded, "Sure thing, Lorelai. I still have Jess's old bed."
She gave his hand a warm squeeze, "Thank-you."
"Isn't it the supplier's job to keep the junkie happy?"
She smiled, "Dirty."
"What? How does that constitute a 'dirty'?"
"Think about it."
He paused, "Ah, jeez, Lorelai!" He tore his hand away, "Just for that," he reached across the table and grabbed the coffeepot, "I'm taking this away!"
"Ah! What no fair!"
"Get used to it," he grumbled in traditional Luke fashion.
She smiled, that Lorelai Gilmore smile that was so intoxicating that it was deadly to all who had seen it in it's purest form. "Fine then, loser," she mumbled out, "I think I'm just gonna hit the sack. Long day." She pushed herself out of the chair for the first time in hours, and walked across the diner towards the stairs.
"You can take some of my sweats if you want them," Luke offered.
"Thanks, I think I'll take you up on that," she answered, "There's coffee upstairs isn't there?"
"Are you serious?"
"Hell ya. I need my bedtime coffee. It's only right. I won't be able to sleep without it."
She smiled brighter, "Angel," she mused, "See ya tomorrow, Luke." She turned and hiked up the short flight of stairs towards Luke's apartment. The entire way she couldn't get his question out of her head. What if she had given Rory up? In all of her years raising Rory she had never once thought about that. Once that kid had popped out of her, there was no threat, fascist leader, or even Bono himself that could convince her to give up that little miracle.
And it seemed funny that the first time she would think of it was when her kid had grown up and left the coop. Then again, Lorelai was never a traditionalist.
She pushed open Luke's door, and walked into his dark apartment. She reached over to her right, and flipped on the light switch, illuminating the room in front of her. All the while thinking, this could have been her life. She could have lived alone. She could have dated guys as she pleased, never having to think about how they would effect Rory.
She walked across the room, over towards his small closet in the corner of the room. She pulled open the closet door, then rifled through the various clothing options. Finally she found a Luke-sized pair of sweat pants and an over-sized college t-shirt. She didn't have any college t-shirts, other then the various Harvard paraphernalia she had Rory had collected over the years, and now the modest number of Yale clothing that had been mainly given to her by her parents. But she didn't have her own college t-shirts or sweatshirts. She never lived on a campus, with other kids her own age, experimenting and developing worldviews to be shattered the second she left that campus.
Sure she'd gone to business school, but that wasn't the same. By then she had her own twisted worldviews that couldn't be shattered, and she was at least five if not ten years older then her fellow classmates. It wasn't college. It was life. The real world's way of stepping up.
With a soft sigh, she pulled of her own clothes, leaving them in a small pile besides Luke's bed, and slipped into his own. She practically drowned in all the material, but she didn't mind. She hugged the clothing closer to her, they even smelled like him. A second-hand hug, if you would.
She didn't even bother with walking over to Jess's old bed. Luke wouldn't mind if she slept in his. But she just didn't know if she could make it all the way over to the opposite side of the bed. The tears that she had been holding back all night were beginning to fall, and with no one here to witness them she didn't bother holding them back.
She was sure that Wonder Woman must have cried sometime. The thing was that nobody was ever around the see it. And seeing as how Lorelai was wonder woman reincarnated, it only made sense for her to cry alone.
She slipped her body in between his sheets, letting her tears fall carelessly against his pillow. She could feel her whole body shaking, and she just couldn't get it to stop. All she could think about was how she'd lost her little girl and her life all in one night as she slowly drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
Alright, Lorelai's dream is going start next chapter. I have no intention of soully following Lorelai, so in translation I'm gonna follw both Lorelai as well as Rory and whoever else I feel like. This is Lorelai's dream, and she's a complex gal, she might as well have complex dreams. Like a onion that one. lol.
Updates up sooner or later.