You look at me and smile

"Everything will be fine."

You sound so sure, but how do you know?

I messed up again…

And again you say

"It's okay"

But how do you know?

No matter what I've told you,

Your answer is always the same.

How can you look at me like that,

When I feel so ashamed?

You knew I wasn't perfect before we began.

Did you ever look back and wish I was different?

You were young and so naive,

I was young in years, but so old in matter of life's experiences.

You were nothing I had known before,

You were everything I needed, but didn't want,

With your patience and understanding…you won my heart.

Everything I had known and cherished came crashing down.

Yet you remained…

"Everything will be fine."

But how do you know?

When I was abandoned by all, you said

"It will be okay."

How do you know?

Against my better judgment, I fell in love with you.

I knew my life was chaos, and always will be, don't ask, I don't know why…

That's just my life.

We were happy for a time, and life just kept going…

I was ecstatic…you asked me to marry you!

I know that I am not good enough for you,

But you love me anyway.

Despite me messing up all the time, you don't hide, but say

"It'll be okay"

How do you know?

We got married,

I was so scared that you would change your mind…

But you didn't

"Everything will be fine."

How do you know?

Again life agreed with you, and we were happy.

I knew better though, it wouldn't last,

My life is a magnet for chaos…why didn't you see this?

How can you still love me?

Despite my idiotic youth, and the consequences of such…

I clung to you,

Hoping that my life would get a clue,

See you deserve your "Happily Ever After".

I don't…I guess part of me thought that I could have one with you.

My worst day was when I had to tell you why I was sick…

Dying from AIDS, from the many mistakes I made as Slytherin Sex God…

God I hope I didn't sentence you this too!

"Everything will be okay."

"How Do You Know!" I wanted to scream!

I was ready for you tell me how you were

Disappointed, Hurt, Angry, Betrayed…Anything but …

I wasn't prepared for indifference…surely you feel something…

"It will all be fine."

I still can't grasp how you can look at me,

With love in your eyes, knowing what you do…

I wouldn't be able to…

But you always were the better person.

"I don't deserve you"

You hushed me and said that you would take care of me.

God! I can't even stand to look at myself with anything but

Disgust, Annoyance, Self Pity and Hatred!

How can you love such a loathsome creature as me?

I am doing this to you because I am selfish…I want you for me,

But you deserve so much better!

Why can't we live "Happily Ever After"?

"Everything will be okay."

I wish I had your faith,

I sometimes want to give in and set you free…

You don't deserve this shame…

You don't deserve dirt like me…

You deserve better than what I could ever be.

I have tried to be someone that I am not.

I'm not bloody perfect!

I tried to be, for you…

But I'm not…

My past keeps coming back to smack me in the face…

It laughs at me…"Thought you could be happy huh? I think not!"

Time and again this happens,

Each time it affects you…I want to cry

For all of the pain I've wrought on you…

That's it! I'm giving up.

I had enough.

I can't do this to you again.

I thought I had everything,

Then I messed it up again!

This is your chance to go; I won't be strong enough to do this again.

"It'll be fine."


The same old thing has got the best of me,

But then here you are, right by my side...

"Everything will be okay, it'll be fine."

"How do you know?" I finally ask.

With one answer all is solved…

"Because I love you anyways, I always will."