All Of You

by TeeJay

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Summary:
Delving into the minds and thoughts of Adam, Joan, Bonnie and Grace (and others) throughout the episode 2x19 "Trial And Error".

Author's note:
I am still stuck on Adam and Joan breaking up. The episode "Trial And Error" was so emotion laden that I needed to rewatch it a couple of times. And somehow I had a need to dive into the minds of the persons involved in what happened between Adam and Joan, and maybe try to explain some of their actions and reactions. I first stopped this after the end of the episode, but decided I would actually continue further. I'm not sure which point would be a good place to stop, but if you're nice and leave reviews, it'll sure make me write faster.

Also, this is kind of like a photo story, because I put screencaps of the scenes I'm referring to into the text. I am aware that I can't do that here at fanfictionnet, so if you actually want to see the pictures I used, I suggest you read the story on my own server: www.wormhole.de/fanfic/AllOfYou.htm

If you wanna read it here, I will shortly describe each picture, so it's left to your own imagination. But those of you who have seen the episode might know which scenes I'm talking about and might be able to picture them.

The first part of this story is mostly thoughts and little dialogue. This will change when I actually get to the part after the episode ends. Of course I have no more screencaps for this part, so I will just put in imaginary pictures for you paint yourselves. The written parts will also contain more descriptive elements, mainly because this hasn't actually been shown on television. So I needed to describe the settings instead of just using those that had already been visually established.

Disclaimer:
These characters and settings are not mine (except maybe those that weren't in any JoA episode). Nor am I claiming they are. They are property of CBS, Barbara Hall Productions, Sony or whoever else they might belong to. I'm not making any money out of this, although I wish I was.
The song "All Of You" is also not mine, it's property of Vertical Horizon, RCA Records or whoever had anything to do with the creation, distribution and marketing of this song and the album it's on. And, yes, another Vertical Horizon song to go with one of my fanfics. Love their music, can't help it.

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You know about Joan...

.:. insert picture of Adam standing outside Bonnie's apartment, leaning his forehead against the wall .:.

Adam:

What did I just do? Oh my God, what did I just do? I had sex with Bonnie. Man, it felt good. All that bottled up energy pouring out of me and into her. It felt so good to finally release it.

Why Bonnie? Because she was there, because she wanted it too. I could see it in her cute little doll-like face, in her persistently staring eyes. Her hunger for intimate physical contact mirrored mine. There was just no saying no to that.

It was like I didn't have a choice, my body screamed for it, and I had to give way. But, Goddammit, I had a choice. I was not strong enough to resist.

Did I think of Jane when I had sex with Bonnie? No. This was Bonnie, she was just a hook-up, she would never be special to me. No one would ever be what Jane is to me. Bonnie is not someone I want to talk with for hours. Bonnie is not someone I want to share my art with, or make my art for. Bonnie was just a vessel for my physical needs.

But now, when I think about Jane, bone-deep guilt washes over me. What did I do? Jane can never find out about this, it would kill her. Kill us. I hope she will never find out. I don't think I can do this again. I need to stay away from Bonnie.