Title: Breathe
Author: Silvi (Henna)
Fandom: Ats
Rating: FRAO – Adults only.
Genre: Angst, Smut
Warning: Slash.
Pairing: Angel/Penn

AN: I was listening to some of Brandy's songs (Afrodisiac & an Angel in Disguise) and this came to me. It's pure smut, I think. I'll tell you though; it was the music and the beat of the song "An Angel in Disguise" that contributed in this ficlett – not the lyrics, that and the song "Afrodisiac".

AN: This story is originally rated FRAO - Adults only but the one I'm posting here is not. It's been edited so that it can be posted here. : grin: For the full version you can go to the Penn Archive:The Puritan Boy

Thankyou Pat for Betaing this and also a thank you for my sister for also taking a look at this.

Summary: He hasn't been able to breathe for over one hundred years.

Part 1

For the first time since this whole pathetic charade began they were alone. Things had gone so wrong that Penn didn't know how in the hell he was going to fix it, repair some of the damage. Driving him further away was more, the complete opposite of, what he wanted to do.

They stood on opposite sides of the room, Angel holding a stake and yet the only thing that filled Penn's head was one thought and one alone. He couldn't believe he had forgotten how beautiful his sire was.

Day after day he had dreamt of him and having him stand there proved to him how utterly he had failed to capture the shear beauty that prevailed in every feature of his Master. And yet, Why? Things had changed; he could feel it in his very bones, past the blood that was roaring, screaming for his sire. Why? What had happened?

He felt his eyes stinging, but they couldn't be tears, he had cried himself dry years ago, so they could not be tears.

His eyes traced the darkly dressed form and came to rest on the half hidden piece of wood. Swallowing he raised his eyes again to meet the dark ones of Angel.

He was unnerved to see the very still Angel, the very still and silent Angel. Swallowing past the lump in his throat he blinked furiously. He felt like he was choking, a, by now, familiar feeling. He didn't want to fight with him anymore; he never wanted to fight him. A big part of him had been raging inside for being forced to do it. And now…

For over one hundred years something inside of him had hoped that there was a reason for him losing his sire, that Angelus hadn't abandoned him, that he hadn't done something that had driven him away but as he gazed into the expressionless abyss that were the eyes of his maker that part shrivelled and died. The worst thing was though, that he couldn't figure out what he had done.

What did I do?

The side of him that had been the fledge, had always been the fledge, but which he had been force to suppress, writhed in agony.

Shifting his left leg back he aligned his body, the way he was taught – protect your flanks boy – Please don't do this sire.

Wearily he followed Angel's movement with his eyes turning his body accordingly. What happened to you? What did I do? Swallowing he tried to push away the feelings that began to rise in him as Angel got closer and closer.

The feelings that could be driven forth by one person, and one person alone, was the one walking before him bridging the gap between them, and driving the only conclusion that Penn could see nearer in time. He desperately didn't want it to end like this.

The urge to close his eyes as his senses were filled with the presence of Angel were almost overwhelming. They were now moving, circling around each other like the big predators they were. Without knowing it Penn began to take slow shallow breaths.

Taking a deep breath he said to Angel, "What happen, to drive us to this, Sire?"

His confusion, his pain must have shown in his voice because Angel suddenly stopped and looked at him. Closing his eyes Angel tipped his head back, his hand holding the stake gripped it so much harder that it began to creak under the pressure. As he lowered his head his eyes were no longer blank mirrors. They held instead a deep pain which did nothing but confuse Penn further.

"Things are different, Penn. I have changed."

"That much I've managed to figure out, but the rest…We used to be…Don't you…Am I- I mean..." He didn't seam to be able to finish one sentence swallowing over the growing lump in his throat as the thought that he really had lost him grew firmer in his mind.

For not the first time he wished he had been able to show what he really felt for his sire, the same way as William had done. But it hadn't been proper, though he could never figure out why. Why it was wrong to show that he thought the world of his sire, that he adored him and loved him, ached in ways that went beyond him. Why did Darla say those things…

It never happened with William.

As Angel came closer Penn had a moment of clarity. If this was the way things had gone then he wanted nothing more to do with anything. He had lived for his sire, waiting for the time that was obviously never going to come. He preferred to have his time over if he really was dead to Angel, to not have the little he had.

He was just sorry that he couldn't figure out what he did wrong.

Gazing into his masters eyes he swallowed and his nose flared as he inhaled and filled his lungs with the powerful scent of his sire.

His eyes stung furiously but he lifted his chin.

"Then do it."

Closing his eyes he heard the soft whispers as cloth rubbed against each other as Angel lifted his arm.

The silence grew heavy as Penn's chest slowed and stopped, something that had rarely happened in Angel's – or Angelus as his name had been – presence. Suddenly something clattered to the floor.

As time seemingly continue to flow Penn furrowed his brow and sprung one eye open. The sound he had heard was explained as the sight he saw registered. Angel was shaking, his face hidden behind his hands. As he began to move his head in the negative Penn could hear him say, "I can't do it. I can't. Not my boy."

And for the first time that night Penn let escape a chocked sob which spurred Angel into movement. Before Penn could react Angel's head had shot up his eyes a pool of misery, he had stumbled forward grabbing the shorter man by the shoulders his fingers digging in.


Finally the extreme rollercoaster he had been in since this whole thing began took out the last of his strength and Penn's legs gave out under him and he collapse into Angel's arms as he too sunk to the floor wrapping his arms around the shaking figure in them.

"Sire…" Penn cried. His arms found themselves around Angel, his hands grasping the back of Angel's leather coat, twisting it in their grasp.

"I'm sorry." Penn stammered to Angel.

"No!" Angel exclaimed, "I'm sorry! I shouldn't have let things go so far. I can't kill you. You are my boy. My beautiful. I'm so sorry."

The two men were kneeling on the rough cement floor, the stake some ways to the side, forgotten and most importantly, unused.

Neither could have said if asked how long they were like that. Though both would have denied later to have cried. Whatever happened during those moments it was catharsis for both of them.

Some time later Angel lent back and looked down on Penn's face that was hiding against his chest. Grabbing his face Angel raised it and with his thumbs he erased any trace of pain on the face of his beautiful boy. Both had by now calmed down and Penn was showing the same traits he had when he was but a young fledge. Any situation that involved strong emotion always left him drained and subsequently sleepy.

Angel couldn't help but feel his lips twitch in amusement and some joy to see that at least some things where still as they should be.

"Let take this to a more private place, shall we?"

"You're…" Penn asked.

"Not my place, I don't want to deal with Cordy and Wes." Angel interrupted Penn.

"Oh." He said. There was really nothing he could say to that.

"Do you have someplace?" Angel asked as he stood up and helped Penn to his feet knowing well that the apartment he and Wes had been in previously was not Penn's real place, due to the simple fact that it lacked the smell that would indicate it to be the dwellings of a vampire.

It didn't hurt the fact that that was how he had taught his childer, to keep things separated in case ones' cover was blown for one reason or another. Dusting himself off he turned to Penn and waited.

"Someplace? Oh! Someplace, yes I do." Dusting himself off as well Penn kicked the stake further away shuddering, remembering how close he had really gotten this time. Turning to Angel he just caught his shiver as he remembered as well. Seeing that Angel was about to apologise again he held up his finger and shook his head.


"OK, I won't. But we still have a lot to talk about."

As they both turn to the exit Penn wondered where they where going to go from here. A part of him really wanted to be claimed again. It would be a way to assure that he hadn't driven him away too far. Things could still be fixed.

Angel had similar thoughts of how to take things from here. One thing was for sure, he wasn't about to let Penn go. At least not before he managed to chase away the pain he had caught sight of in those ice grey eyes. It had stunned him from the void he had placed himself in to be able to deal with the situation. There had been one thing that had confused him. Apart from the pain and confusion there had been shame. Why and for what was Penn ashamed of?

There was one way Angel knew of that could help both of them giving them what they both needed if he interpreted Penn right. But first they really needed to take things to a more private surrounding. The chance of someone finding them was rather big now and Angel was not partial of being seen by others when it involved family.


AN: Coming next: The actions needed to heal the open wounds in both of them. And also how will Angel deal with Kate, not to mention Wesley and Cordelia? Wait and find out.

PS: this is my first Penn/Angel fic I have ever written though not the first idea I had of them but the only one I have written down for now. It was written for the upcoming Penn Archive I'm building. I wanted to contribute to it. Plus this will also be the first detailed FRAO rated Male/Male sex scene I have ever done. Well the part that is on its way anyway. g