Mokuba's Unmentionable Problem
Disclaimer: I don't own YGO or Science World magazine.
Author's Note: I know I should really be updating Yu-Gi-Oh! Does Aladdin, but I just got this idea today, and had to write it. Yes, it was inspired by the episode of King of the Hill, 'Hank's Unmentionable Problem.' (I don't own that either.) I don't know exactly who wrote the article I once read about eating disorders, but the important thing is I DIDN'T! Now, please enjoy this…kind-of gross story.
Mokuba Kaiba's class was reading Science World magazine in class one day. The main article was about eating disorders.
"Who wants to read the next paragraph?" asked the teacher. "Anyone?"
Mokuba raised his hand. "Me," he said.
"'Many girls between the ages of twelve and seventeen feel pressured to look a certain way,'" he read. "'In an obsession to be skinny, the individual may develop eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia.
Anorexia: the individual is terrified of gaining weight, refusing to eat or maintain normal bodyweight.
Bulimia: the individual binges in food, then vomits or uses laxatives to avoid gaining weight.' What the heck is a laxative?" he asked, so soon after that his question sounded like part of the paragraph he was reading.
"It's a…" the teacher felt a little embarrassed explaining. "it's a pill…like a thing you eat to like…y'know…poop faster." Much of the class snickered.
"But wouldn't you poop anyway?" asked Mokuba, a little curious.
"Yeah, but a laxative would push everything out before your body had a chance to like…retain any of it," said the teacher.
"…That still doesn't seem logical…" muttered Mokuba.
"OKAY, who would like to read next?" asked the teacher, wanting to end the conversation.
After lunch, Mokuba's class had Science. They read about scientists and why they conducted the experiments that they did.
"So…basically the point is that when something interests you, or you want to know why something is the way it is, perform an experiment!" said the teacher. "Get into groups of four, and I'll assign each group and experiment to do."
That's it! I'll experiment with a laxative!
On Mokuba's long walk home from school, he took a detour to the convenience store. There he purchased a chocolate laxative.
That night at dinner, Seto asked Mokuba how his day was.
"It was okay," said Mokuba. "In Social Studies we read about eating disorders…man, you know there are some girls out there who're like skin and bones- and they think they're like…this big!" Mokuba held his hands inches away from his sides, to paint a picture of the size he was describing.
"Yeah, it's really sad," said Seto.
"Sad? It's retarded! How can they not see that they're only like an inch wide?"
"It's not their fault, Mokuba- it's psychological. They can't help thinking that way, and that's why a lot of girls have eating disorders," the elder Kaiba explained.
"I know, we read about anorexia and…what's that other one…where you throw up?"
"Bulimia," said Seto. "and Mokuba, not at the dinner table, please?"
"Sorry," said Mokuba.
"So what else happened in school?" asked Seto.
"Well, after lunch we did some science experiments…kinda boring," said Mokuba.
"Speaking of which, wasn't your last report card grade in that class a D?"
"Uh…yeah," said Mokuba.
"Well, start paying attention. No matter how boring it is, okay?" said Seto, sternly.
"It's not that it's boring, I've just been…heh…blowing off the homework," said Mokuba. Seto glared.
"Well, ask your teacher if you can do some extra credit," he said.
"What's the big deal, Seto? A D is still passing!"
Seto slammed his hand on the table, and stood up. "Mokuba!" he snapped. "I will not have you passing any class
with anything lower than a C, do I make myself clear?"
Mokuba gulped. "O-okay, Seto," he said, finishing his dinner like a good boy.
Later on, Mokuba groaned in fullness.
"Oh…I ate SO much…" he moaned.
"Then lie down for a while," grumbled Seto. "Just don't bother me, I've got a ton of work to do."
"Uuuuhhgghh…" Mokuba entered his room, feeling rather sick. "I ate waaay too much," he said. He burped, unzipping his jeans to let his gut glob over his waist. "Well, I suppose now's as good as time as any to try that laxative…" he said. "But I still doubt they actually work."
He popped the chocolate square into his mouth, chewed it and swallowed. "Ugh…that doesn't even taste like chocolate…" he groaned. "Talk about false advertising."
In less than five minutes, Mokuba noticed a large churn in his bowels. Yeesh! Guess they DO work! he thought.
So he sat. Nothing. It didn't surprise him- maybe he didn't have to go yet. But when he started to get up, a sharp pain stabbed him in the gut.
"Agh!" he cried, sitting back down.
Now it had been a good fifteen minutes. A good fifteen minutes with his pants around his ankles.
When half an hour came to pass, and nothing dropped (A/N: I can't believe I'm writing this!), he figured nothing ever would.
"Oh well, false alarm," he said, pulling up his pants.
As soon as Mokuba took a step, the pain returned. Clutching his gut, he staggered out of the bathroom.
"Ooooh…I don't feel so good."
"Setoooo…" he groaned.
"What?" asked an exasperated Seto. Mokuba entered his brother's office, hunched over, holding his stomach.
"My stomach really hurts…" he moaned.
"Where does it hurt?" asked Seto, not even looking up form his computer.
"Nngh…like…right below my belly button."
"Oh. That's not your stomach. That's like…your intestines," said Seto, being as brainy as he was.
"Well, then my INTESTINES hurt!" said Mokuba.
"I don't want to think about this but…" Seto snorted. "maybe you have gas."
"I do not have GAS, Seto!" yelled Mokuba. It's just something embarrassing that no one wants to admit they have.
Mokuba was no different.
"Then you're constipated! What do you want me to do?" yelled Seto. "Just go…lie on the 'Magic Pillow' for a while 'til it goes away."
"Okay Big Brother."
So Mokuba lay on the 'Magic Pillow' for twenty minutes. The pain didn't go away. It wasn't nausea, it wasn't a side-stitch (since he hadn't been running), and he was too self-conscious to admit that it might be gas. He started to whimper. The pain was just too much.
Later on, Seto came upstairs and heard Mokuba's crying.
"Hey, you're stomachache go away yet?" he asked.
"No," said Mokuba. "I don't know what's causing it. I'm not queasy or anything…and if I were constipated I'd have…y'know…expelled feces by now-"
"Okay, Mokuba, you know what? Let's not talk about bodily functions, alright?" said Seto.
"Well how else am I going to explain what's wrong with me?"
"Well…I have no idea why it might be…but maybe it's appendicitis," Seto suggested.
"No way," said Mokuba. "Isn't your appendix like…way up here?" he asked, raising his hand to his lower-torso.
"That's right. Well…hmm…" thought Seto.
"Seto, what's wrong with me?" asked a scared Mokuba.
"I have no idea…" said Seto. "Let's go down to the hospital. If it turns out to be serious…you might need…well, it's probably nothing. Come on."
Domino Children's Hospital…
"A tummy ache?" said a nurse, bending down to reach Mokuba's level. Seto rolled his eyes and Mokuba held his tongue. It looked like he was about to say "Ah, bite me!" But he didn't.
"Uh, well…it's been…hurting since dinner earlier tonight…" grunted Mokuba.
"What did you have for dinner?"
"Ugh…chicken…green beans…some bread…milk…nothing unusual…" he struggled to say. "But I did eat a lot…"
"Did you have anything after dinner?" asked the nurse.
"Uh…" Mokuba didn't want to admit he'd experimented with a laxative, but he looked at his brother who was filling out a form- Seto looked a bit worried. "Yeah, I uh…took a laxative, hehehh." Seto's eyes shot wide open.
"You WHAT?" he snapped.
"Honey, do you even know what laxatives are for?" asked the nurse.
"Yeah-" Mokuba started.
"Mokuba, they're for old people who aren't regular. They're not for eleven-year-old kids! What were you thinking?" snarled Seto.
"I just wanted to see if they work!" said Mokuba.
"But I don't understand," said the nurse. "Technically, a laxative would make…um…pooping easier. It helps a person NOT be constipated. This is very strange."
"I'll say," said Seto.
"I'd recommend drinking lots of water. That should help flush it out," said the nurse.
"Fine, I'll start now!" said Mokuba, grabbing a paper cup from the water cooler. "Uh, how long should it take?" he asked.
"About twenty-four hours," said the nurse. "If nothing happens, call me, and I'll arrange an appointment to have some X-rays taken."
By evening the next day, Mokuba's bowels remained unchanged.
"Seto, I don't think that 'drinking water' thing worked. I feel the same as yesterday!" complained Mokuba. So they went back to the hospital, took a few X-rays, and awaited the news.
"Mr. Kaiba, we have uncovered the cause of your brother's constipation," said a doctor. Mokuba blushed and hid his face in his hand. "He appears to have something lodged in his large intestine. I can't identify it from the X-ray, but it looks pretty…I don't think it should be there."
"How long has it been there?" asked Seto.
"We don't know, but it must have been something he ate yesterday or the day before that," said the doctor.
"I didn't eat anything but food!" snapped Mokuba.
"SOMEBODY'S irritable!" said Seto. "Sorry."
"Anyway, it could be dangerous, so we're going to have to remove it," said the doctor. "So that means surgery."
"Aw man!" whined Mokuba. "Seto, I don't want to have surgery!"
"Would you rather have a…whatever it is clogging up your plumbing?" said Seto.
"No…" said Mokuba.
In the hospital room…
"Okay Mokuba, just breathe from the mask and this'll be all over soon," said the doctor. Mokuba reluctantly accepted the mask, and slowly drifted off into anesthesia.
"How do you feel?" asked a familiar voice.
"S-Seto…" Mokuba rasped. "What happened?"
"They got that thing out of your gut," said Seto.
"Oh yeah, the operation…" said Mokuba. "How'd that go?"
"See for yourself," said the doctor. He held up a plastic bag with something small and metal in it. "There's still something I don't get; …how did you eat…a key?"
"A key?" said Seto.
"OH YEAH!" said Mokuba, remembering the night he swallowed the metal object. "Back when-"
"You ate a key?" said Seto.
"If you'll let me finish!" said Mokuba. "Back when Pegasus was trying to take over Kaibacorp, some of his suites busted into our house. They needed some business documents to complete the deal with the Big Five, but those papers were in a safe. And you trusted me with the key, right Seto? Well…they would've done anything to get it, so I swallowed it!"
Seto was staring into space, eyebrows lowered in confusion. He looked at the bag again. "So that's where that went," he said.
"Ha ha ha ha ha! Ow!" said Mokuba. "Still hurts!"
"Couldn't you have just like…thrown it out the window?" asked Seto.
"They still might have found it!" said Mokuba, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "I was just trying to protect your company, Big Brother…" he sniffed.
"And you did a great job," said Seto, kissing the top of his head. "I'm proud of you, Mokuba."
"But why didn't this key cause constipation until now?" asked Mokuba.
"That's a very good question," said the doctor. "It seems you took a laxative a few nights ago?" Mokuba nodded.
"Well, before, all your food passed around the key slowly, allowing it to be digested at a normal pace. But when you took that laxative, all your consumed food was rushed to your rectum at once, causing a major 'traffic jam!'"
"I see…" said Mokuba.
"What a weird and…disgusting event," said Seto. "But hey, why don't you write about it and turn it in for extra
"Good idea!" said Mokuba. "I'll call it, 'The Day I Couldn't Poop!'" The doctor laughed.
"Figure out the title later," said Seto. "Let's go home."