Disclaimer: Not mine.

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Year One

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Am back on Earth. Sucks. Badly.

Jack still an ass. Kawalsky still an ass. Ferretti still an ass. Sha're gone. Skaara gone. Miss terribly.

Have met Captain Doctor Sam Carter. Kawalsky has crush on Captain Doctor. Have made fun of him mercilessly. So has Jack.

Am drunk. Had one beer. Suspect have low tolerance for alcohol. Maybe.

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Am still on Earth. Sucks.

Sha're evil. Skaara evil. Apophis a bastard. Ra still dead.

Have met Jaffa Teal'c. He kidnapped wife. On other hand, Jaffa Teal'c saved life and life of Captain Doctor.

Also Jack. Not sure how to feel about that.

Kawalsky acting odd. Odder. More odd. Oddly.

Am drunk again. Had half glass of wine. Jack laughing at me. Jack's an ass.

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Kawalsky dead. Poor bastard. Never even got to act on crush on Captain Doctor.

Captain Doctor suggests I call her Sam. Prefer Captain Doctor. Sounds nifty.

Teal'c good guy. Killed Kawalsky. Is now with me, Jack, and Captain Doctor Sam on SG-1. SG-1 stupid name. Military stupid.

Miss Sha're.

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Mongol civilization. Captain Doctor kidnapped. Warlord Turghan definitely had hots for her.

Captain Doctor kicked Turghan's ass. Very fun. Remind self never to upset her when PMSing. Suspect self would be gutted.

Scrawny irritating Abu kid has crush on Captain Doctor. Also recently married to skinny irritating girl.

Jack still an ass.

Captain Doctor Sam looks good in blue. Really good.

Miss Sha're.

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Have decided to call 'Captain Doctor' Sam. Am sick of writing 'Captain Doctor'.

Sam attempted seduction of Jack. Jack refused. Question Jack's mental stability.

Jack still major ass. Beat the shit out of self for expressing concern for Sam. Remind self never to show concern for women. Only gets self in trouble.

Doctor Fraiser and Sam getting friendly. Am very concerned. Suspect if I upset Sam, Fraiser will use big needles.

Miss Sha're. Sha're would like Sam. And Dr. Fraiser.

Hope Sha're won't mind 'girl on every planet' rep.

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Am disappointed in Sam's taste. Ex-fiancé was psycho killer. Psycho killer hit Sam. Jack inordinately angry. Suspected Jack might have crush. Jack denied, said just felt concern for teammate.

Suspect Jack might have lied.

Psycho killer dead.

Am also impressed with Sam. Brings total to four - Kawalsky, Abu, Turghan, Hansen.

Huh. Two of four are dead.

Miss Sha're. Miss Skaara.

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Two Jacks. Worst nightmare come to life.

Both Jacks are asses.

Siler showing undue interest in Sam.

Total count - five: Kawalsky, Abu, Turghan, Hansen, Siler. Two of five are dead. Average is improving.

Pay docked for incident with staff weapon. Not my fault. All Teal'c's. And Sam's.

Miss Sha're. Wish there were two Sha'res. Much better than two Jacks.

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Am very young, apparently. And very stupid, according to race desperately in need of hair care.

Died. Came back.

Sam and Teal'c died, as well. And Jack. Fortunately, Sam and Teal'c came back.

So did Jack.

Suppose isn't so bad. Jack has uses. Maybe.

Nox kid had crush on Sam. Good taste. Hero-worshipped Jack. Bad taste.

Sam's total now six: Kawalsky, Abu, Turghan, Hansen, Siler, Nafrayu. Two of six are dead. Average improving daily.

Miss Sha're and Skaara. Sha're much better hair than Lya. Skaara not annoying like Nafrayu.

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Jack can't keep it in pants. Got STD. Turned into anorexic Santa. Am very amused. Jack so an ass.

Delivered baby. Icky.

Miss Sha're. Sha're likes babies.

Sam and Fraiser definitely friendly. Jack expressed concerns similar to mine. Must find way to sabotage growing female solidarity. Big needles must never be employed.

Chevron guy showing undue interest in Sam. Chevron guy has identity issues. Told me name was Harriman. Real name Davis. Freak.

Sam's total now seven: Kawalsky, Abu, Turghan, Hansen, Siler, Nafrayu, Chevron Guy Harriman/Davis. Two of seven dead. No new deaths for some time.

Teal'c giving self lessons in obscure dialects of Goa'uld. Teal'c laughs at me. Inside, at least. Teal'c an ass. Sam my only friend.

Am pathetic. And drunk. A shot of whisky goes a long way.

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Destroyed chance of saving Sha're.

Hate self.

Miss Sha're.

Sam annoying. Jack annoying. Teal'c annoying. Hate everyone. Life sucks.

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Close encounter of the gross kind with naked wrinkly old man. Naked wrinkly old man tried to hug Sam. Naked wrinkly old man hugged self, also, so doesn't count as crush on Sam.

Catherine far far too patient with naked wrinkly old man.

Jack an ass. Made me leave the meaning of life stuff. Pretty lights.

Miss Sha're. Sha're liked meaning of life stuff. I think.

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Clothed wrinkly old man beat shit out of Jack. Am deeply amused.

Killed many baby Goa'uld. Feel strangely guilty. Am relieved Sam hasn't tattled.

Teal'c has son. Can't imagine Teal'c as family man. Teal'c gave son snake. Very touching. And gross.

Jack has cliché fetish. Am unsurprised.

Miss Sha're.

Sam has no new conquests. Starting to lose touch?

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Sam got hypnotized for me. Good friend.

Nem annoying. And smelled fishy. Have headache from overgrown squid.

Jack said nice things about self at memorial service. Not such an ass.

Teal'c still laughing at me deep inside. Told me I smell of seafood. Teal'c an ass.

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Skanky ancient goddess subjugated base. Teal'c and Sam saved day with Fraiser. Suspect friendship too far along for sabotage. Am dreading big needles. Must remain on Sam's good side. Jack will be scapegoat.

Am scarred for life from 'code of life' incident. Must erase from mind.

Sha're going to be very angry.

Random airman fell prey to Sam's charms. Was drugged, however, so doesn't count.

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Sam scared crap out of us.

Cassie cute. Cassie's dog cute. Cassie as Janet's charge - not so cute. See many big needles in future if ever annoy Sam or Cassie. Janet scary.

Jack gave Cassie dog. Am allergic. Suspect Jack knows.

Jack an ass.

Miss Sha're.

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Teal'c used to be very bad man. Went on trial.

Suspect Teal'c has death wish or martyr complex.

No new conquests for Sam. Losing touch. Is disappointing.

Must remember never to let Sam see journal.

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Very young, but learning. Maybourne anevil son of bitch. Must die.

Met people with no fashion sense, got in contact with people lacking sense of hair style. Dork in silver jumpsuit fell for Sam. Total is now eight: Kawalsky, Abu, Turghan, Hansen, Siler, Nafrayu, Chevron Guy Harriman/Davis, Narim. Two of eight dead.

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Met robot doubles. Robot double of self is strangely whiney. Bad copying job.

Jack attempted to beat self up. Amusing in many ways.

Teal'c went crazy. Sam has mole. Jack suspiciously interested in finding out where.

Comtraya officially most annoying word ever.

Miss Sha're. Sha're doesn't think self whiney.

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Alternate universe. Everyone dead. Self dead. Beginning to see pattern. Self dies far too often.

Sam and Jack engaged. Jack is general. Not sure which is stranger.

Attack on earth imminent. Self tempted to spend last hours in Vegas.

Hope Sha're doesn't miss me too badly when dead.

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Senator Kinsey an ass. Even more an ass than Jack. Senator Kinsey also complete idiot.

World doomed.

No one believes me.

Feel so alone.

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World saved, Apophis dead. Wrinkly old clothed man beat up Jack then saved us. Self went blind, was shot, almost died.

Sam, Jack, Teal'c got to ride in shuttle. Lucky bastards.

Am now apparently Space Monkey. Am very confused, and once more question Jack's mental stability.

Got hugged many times.

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