A/N: Everything has been so hectic lately with the end of the school year that Ijust now got to sit down and write a story that has been hanging in my head. It's not particularly long or angsty, just some character thoughts. And I know it's cheesy to base a story on a song, but it was there, and I have to do this. Sorry. R & R, criticism accepted, but please no flames!
Also, the italics are Sam going into a deeper state of thinking where she is realizing or remembering things.
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate, nor will I ever. Unfortunately. This is just something I do when I feel I can't sleep because my brain is in overdrive. I also do not own the song "Colorblind" or the Counting Crows, who sing the wonderful song.
I can't believe I didn't see this earlier. I know I should have, and it was probably in the back of my head floating around. It was all right in front of my face; the smiling, the shitty grins all over his face when he came into work, and the phone calls that kept popping up at weird times. It just seems so unlike him to do this. I thought he was supposed to be 'a sure thing.' And I know its wrong of me to believe that he would sit around and wait, but her? I thought the whole reason we weren't together was work, but it's alright to just overlook that for her?
I've just got to remember to keep driving; I have to remember the way back to my house. The tears can't matter; they can't cloud my vision today. I have so much thinking... I need to do to figure out what to do now. Why did I do that? Why now? Why when I'm ready does this have to happen?
Sam slammed the door of her car with as much force as she could muster, trying to vent some of her anger and dissappointment. The day was so much nicer than her mood. So bright and sunny like the house and the people she had just left. Everything about her surroundings screamed 'happy' when all she wanted to do was be upset. Be sad. Be so fucking emotional that everyone ran the other direction. Her house even seemed to be taunting her, saying to her that she had left a happy and comfortable relationship. For nothing. Nothing.
The alcohol and the bath were comforting, but not nearly as comforting as she could imagine his arms to be. Her life felt cold and empty and suffocating, not like the happy life she had not 20 hours ago with Pete. Poor Pete. She had left him for someone else. He loved her and she left him. She hurt him. All for someone who didn't care for her anymore, who didn't want her there. He had someone half his age and gorgeous. Someone Sam could never measure up to. So she lost her relationship and she lost her hope. All in one day. There was nothing more depressing than that.
He smiled as he saw her walk toward him. Her eyes lit up for a brief second as he handed her the cup of coffee, they continued walking in companionable silence. He asked her about her latest experiment, and she asked him if he was prepared the this morning's briefing. They reached the briefing room and, with a smile from him, they went from Jack and Sam to General and Colonel. How many times had they done that? Become personal beings around each other just to shut it off when work intruded on their own little world, when they had to yet again become Leader and Subordinate, the good workers. How many times had her dad or Daniel just stared at her after one of these exchanges, wondering how she and Jack didn't understand what was going on? She could remember the nights her dad had come to her home and sat with her, just talking about how she didn't need to put off happiness, telling her silently that it was right in front of her.
When had she become a shell of a human? She used to feel so passionately and be so determined that nothing would stand in the way of her happiness or her goals. But somewhere along the way she had ceased to matter. She went on mechanically, doing her job and saving lives, living for those few moments when he smiled at her and she felt like Sam again.
The water was cold, and it was darker outside than she remembered it ever being. She slowly wrapped herself in a large towel, drying herself and dressing in a pair of comfortable pajamas. The shirt he had given her; it was some silly birthday present and he had calmly joked that she could never have enough Air Force tees. It made her think of how they used to be and how she wanted them to be. She slowly brushed her hair, mechanically getting herself ready for bed. She knew no sleep would come tonight but she could at least stick to the routine. Routines made her feel more normal, not so depressed.
She watched the moonlight flicker on her ceiling, taunting her vision and making her wish she wasn't alone in such a cold, dark place. The shadows moved in every direction, pulling her eyesight towards them with each movement. She felt on edge, as if each movement could be the last one. The one that drove her from depressed to insane. The clocked ticked slowly, time marching on even though she felt her life had stood still. Sleep didn't come until 4:16.
When she awoke that morning she felt a presence in her room. Without opening her eyes she knew something had shifted from the night before. The air felt electrified instead of heavy and pressing. She turned onto her back and stared at the sunlight before finally opening her mouth to answer the silent question he was posing. "I am ready."
He slowly got up out of the armchair in the corner, very quietly crossing to her bed. The mattress shifted as he sat, and she felt herself shift toward him. He placed his hand upon her arm, and slowly, he said, "I knew you would be. I told you, I'd wait." They locked eyes, and she knew her mourning was over. She might have lost something yesterday, but today she gained everything.