Set around Past and Present, so kinda spoilerish. Meant to be a pseudo-companion piece to Jealousy, although not connected storywise at all. Sam's jealous over Daniel's relationship with Kera. And of course I don't own anything to do with Stargate. If I did, I'd be writing scripts, not fanfiction.
She was jealous. Jealous of a woman who had no memory. Jealous of a woman who would spend a few days, maybe a few weeks, on earth before being sent back to her own planet.
She was jealous of Kera because she had Daniel Jackson completely infatuated with her. She was jealous because Kera was younger then her, prettier then her (so she thought, anyway) and had Daniel.
Captain Samantha Carter knew this, because she'd stooped low enough to stand outside Kera's door, eavesdropping on her and Daniel. She'd made out the sound of them talking, then soft, teasing laughter, then the sounds of soft groaning – she would recognise Daniel's voice anywhere, even when he wasn't speaking, per se – that had filled her with a sense of betrayal that she knew she had no right to feel. She had no claim to Daniel. It was just a pity he didn't have better taste, she told herself.
Kera had grated on Samantha from the moment she'd first met the amnesiac woman. Or at least from the moment Kera and Daniel hit it off. She acted like a helpless dumb blond, clinging to Daniel the way she did, laughing about her inability to remember a thing – OK, so maybe she kind of had an excuse for that but still… she grated on Samantha.
And she thought Daniel was getting in way too deep way too soon. After all, his wife had only just died. OK, so she's 'gone' years ago, but she had only just died, taking with her any hope of a reunion, that had to affect him somehow. Kera shouldn't be taking advantage of that.
She knew she was taking this far too personally. If it were anyone else, she knew part of her would think 'he could do with getting laid'. Daniel was really big of fidelity, Samantha knew. It was one of the most endearing things about his. Apart from the Hathor fiasco – which he had a good defence for avoiding responsibility – he hadn't slept with another woman in the two and a half years since Sha're had been taken as a Goa'uld host. He must be aching for a release. It couldn't be healthy for a guy to keep it in like that.
Of it had been anyone else, she would at least have been able to see it as a purely physical need. But it was Daniel –
Why should Daniel make it any different? It wasn't even that she was close to him, as a team member and friend. She would have felt the same about Jack and Teal'c.
But the idea of that dumb blond (Samantha didn't like to be reminded that Kera was as gifted at maths and science as she was) in bed with Daniel made Samantha… unsettled.
She didn't like to use the word jealous. That implied she and Daniel had something, or she wanted them to have something, that would make her jealous of another woman.
But if she really thought about it, she knew she had been a little jealous whenever she witnessed how deeply Daniel loved his wife, how determined he was to get her back. She had wanted to be the object for such devotion. She tried to tell herself she just wanted to be as loved as Sha're was, and not that she wanted to be loved by Daniel.
Goddamnit, she wanted to be loved by Daniel.
Oh, God, had she actually thought that? Samantha felt herself blushing, and struggled to control herself before someone came in and saw. The idea of her and Daniel… it was a logistical nightmare. Technically, it wasn't against regulations, because he wasn't military, but at the very least, they'd have to separate them, and Jack would be pissed.
And worse, if she told Daniel how she felt and it turned out that all he wanted was a transient lay, he loved her as a friend, all that crap – her heart constricted just at the thought.
When had Daniel come to mean so much to her? This was horrible inappropriate. She had managed to get over her attraction for Jack, she should be able to get over this.
She wanted to tear Kera's pretty blond hair out. She wanted to go all territorial on the other woman. But that would be making a complete ass of herself, and for what gain? Probably none.
So she restrained herself and went back to her mission report, determined not to let it show that Daniel Jackson meant more to her then a friend and team mate.
Daniel lay on his back with Kera's head on his chest, one arm draped across him casually. He wondered if there was any way he could ask Sam or Janet if amnesia affected sexual prowess. Kera was absolute dynamite.
It didn't hurt that he'd been aching for it for a while. He'd remained faithful to Sha're the entire two and a half years between her being taken and her death (except for the Hathor fiasco, and he figured he couldn't be held responsible for that), and that had been hard – in more ways then one. When Kera had kissed him, it had been the first time he had felt like it was OK to do this.
He'd made it clear he was offering nothing but his body, and wanted only the same in return. He was attracted to her, he wouldn't deny it, but there was so much going on in his life right now, he didn't know if he had the emotional capacity to commit to anyone.
Surprisingly, Sha're's death didn't affect him as much as he would have expected it to. Initially, he had been devastated, and wanted to kill Teal'c to get even. But as the days and weeks had gone by, he had begun to realise he had mourned Sha're a long time ago. He had been clinging to the hope of the return of her body, but deep down knowing that he wouldn't be getting her back. Her death was a kind of release. He could move on.
And as he was realising his fading feelings towards his wife, he became more aware of his attraction towards Captain Carter. Not just his attraction for her – his affection, his bond… his love? Now there was a possibility fraught with difficulties. He wasn't military so technically couldn't be done for inter-military fraternisation, but Jack would still kill him. And Samantha had that thing with Jack, or had had it, Daniel didn't see much of that initial spark anymore. They seemed to have moved on to just being friends.
That didn't make the possibility of him and Samantha anymore likely, though. They were friends, and anything more was asking for trouble. Better that they kept things simple.
As simple as sleeping with someone from another planet could get, at any rate.
He felt strangely empty. He no longer felt the ache in his groin that had always been there since Sha're had been taken, but that he'd learned to live with, but for all the relief that the sexual relief was, he felt empty.
He dimly realised there was a difference between having sex and making love.
Kera sensed his restlessness. " Is it something I did? " she asked.
Daniel felt immediately guilty. He kissed her softly. " I have a lot on my mind, " he said evasively. " I'm sorry. "
" You have no reason to be sorry. You told me… " she trailed of. Daniel was relieved that she got it. Kera snuggled up to him. " It was… wonderful, Daniel, " she praised him. " But I know there's nothing more to it. I don't think it would work out even if there was. "
Daniel smiled ruefully. That was the understatement of the century. They were from different words, quite literally, and she had no memory of who she was. As he recalled, she had kissed him because she was afraid she would never have the opportunity again, once she remembered who she was and if she was committed to someone else. " You think? " he asked.
They lay in comfortable silence for a few minutes before there was a discreet knock on the door. " Doctor Jackson, you're needed in the debriefing room, " a guard said through the door.
Daniel turned to Kera. " I'll be back in a little while, OK? " he said. Kera nodded. He kissed her forehead and slid out of bed to get dressed.
There was no time for him to shower and change, and he felt a little embarrassed to rock up to the debriefing room in his condition. He knew he looked outwardly presentable, but he could feel Kera on his skin, and while that was quite a pleasant sensation, it made him distracted, and he was sure Jack, Samantha, Teal'c and Hammond could see it.
He was completely floored that they'd come up with the theory that Kera was actually Leanna, the destroyer of Worlds who they'd given information about other words to. They'd felt pretty foolish about that. They had known, deep down, that that mistake would come back to haunt them one day, but none of them would have thought it would come back like this.
Daniel knew he was too close to Kera to be objective, but nonetheless, he resented the presumption of her guilt. He took it personally that they were convinced Kera was capable of all that destruction. And when it slowly sank in that there was every possibility Kera could be Leanna, he began to defend his lover. Even if Kera was Leanna, he argued, in a physical sense at least, that didn't mean intellectually or emotionally she was Leanna. People changed ; Teal'c was a prime example of that, and he told them so.
Samantha felt her heart twist painfully as Daniel defended Kera/Leanna passionately. He was too close to her to be reasonable, she thought jealously. He was acting like they were personally responsible for Kera being Leanna.
She supposed she might feel the same way in the same situation, but it still pained her to think of why Daniel was so defensive. Would he defend her so passionately in the same situation? Would he even want to be in the same situation with her? She doubted it. Sha're had been gone for over two years now, and he had never shown any interested in her, not even physically. Of course, anything overt would have been inappropriate, but Daniel was a red-blooded male, after all, a lustful look wouldn't have gone unnoticed – or unappreciated. But Samantha knew Daniel had never looked at her the way she wanted him too. He was too professional for that. Damn him.
Daniel noticed Samantha seemed to be in a stroppy mood. And it seemed to be mostly directed at him. What had he done to her? He searched his memory for something he had said or done, and came up with a blank. Samantha was being irrational, which was unlike her, but he hadn't done anything.
He cornered her in a hallway after the debriefing. " What's your problem? " he asked.
Samantha glared at him. He had slept with the Destroyer of Worlds and she had a problem? " Nothing, " she said shortly. She turned to leave.
He grabbed her arm and turned her around so she was facing him. She inhaled, and could smell Kera on Daniel. Her heart churned. " You smell of sex, " she said accusingly.
Like her conduct in the last three years was impeachable, Daniel thought defensively. Narim, Martouf anyone? " So? " he asked coolly, resenting the accusing tone in her voice. " I'm not married, Sam. "
" You were a few weeks ago, " Samantha countered, determined not to make this about yourself. " You're not exactly the picture of a grieving widow. "
Daniel stared at Samantha incredulously. He had never seen this uptight version of Samantha before. He had been faithful to Sha're for two and a half years while he held onto the hope he might get her back, he wasn't entitled to a release now that hope was lost? He felt fierce resentment that Samantha should be standing in judgement of him. " It was just sex, Sam, " he said through gritted teeth. " It didn't mean anything. I'd do you if you were offering. "
It was crude, he knew, and out of character, but he was pissed off and wanted to lash out at her. She responded by slapping him.
He responded to that by pushing her against the wall and kissing her. He didn't know what possessed him, only that he was thoroughly worked up – anger, desire, he didn't know.
He did know that for a brief moment, Samantha kissed him back before she threw him off her, her blue eyes spitting fury.
" How dare you! " she yelled at him. " How dare you touch me after being with that… manipulator. " Her body shook with rage and humiliation at Daniel's words. It no longer mattered that Daniel found her attractive, as his words implied – she didn't want him to be attracted to her like he was attracted to Kera/Leanna. She was more then just a warm body.
Daniel looked at her tiredly. " I like you Sam, OK? But this is too much for me to deal with right now. "
" Fine, " Samantha spat through clenched teeth. " Go back to your whore, see if I care. And for the record, I wasn't offering. " And with as much dignity as she could scrape together after her outburst, she walked off.
Daniel didn't want her! Or if he did, he only wanted her in his bed like he did Kera. He was still hung up on Sha're – he would never look at Samantha as a wife.
Samantha didn't know why she cared so much. It wasn't like Daniel meant that much to her.
Daniel watched her go, too heart sore to do anything about it. She wasn't interested in him. Maybe she was attracted to him – she had kissed him back, he knew it – but she wasn't interested in a relationship, and she wasn't about to risk the dynamics of the team, or her professional integrity, for a few hours in his bed.
Despite himself, Daniel wondered what Samantha would be like in bed. Not that it mattered. He didn't know why he cared so much. It wasn't like Samantha meant that much to him.
He was distracted with Kera, and he knew it. Damn Samantha. Kera seemed to understand, and soon enough it became a moot point when she discovered who she really was, and tried to kill herself. They had only just stopped her, and convinced her to take the amnesiac again. They sent her back to her world with no idea who she was. The solution was fraught with problems, but it was the best one they could think of.
That night, Daniel lay in his bed, unable to sleep. His thoughts kept drifting back to Samantha, as hard as he tried to contain them.
He had been out of line kissing her, he knew. For all intents and purposes, she was his superior officer. He wondered what kind of punishment that would merit if he was military.
He couldn't help but think it would probably have been worth it.
Daniel groaned in frustration. This was a royal waste of time – time in which he ought to be sleeping. He got out of bed to head to the infirmary to beg for a sleeping pill.
In her own quarters, Samantha couldn't sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about the kiss she had shared with Daniel. Part of her wished Daniel was military, so she could string his ass up for making a pass at a superior officer. Haha, that would teach him.
Part of her was glad Daniel wasn't military, so he was free to kiss her again.
Oh, God, had she actually thought that? She should have her ass strung up. Daniel was a member of her team, he was her responsibility. She shouldn't be thinking about him, especially when he was supposed to be sleeping. They had a big day ahead of them tomorrow.
Samantha rolled out of bed and headed towards the infirmary to beg for a sleeping pill. She was too wound up to get to sleep on her own.
Samantha and Daniel were both too distracted with their thoughts to notice the other until they literally ran into each other. Understandable, they hadn't expected to see the other this late at night.
" What are you doing up? " Samantha asked Daniel crossly. It was as if she had thought him into being, her thoughts had been so powerful.
" I could ask you the same thing, " Daniel retorted. " I couldn't sleep. I came to get something for it. "
" Me too, " Samantha admitted.
For a few seconds, they stood facing each other in awkward silence. Then Daniel said, " Look, Sam, I'm sorry for kissing you. I was out of line. "
" It's OK, " she said. " I was out of line with what I said. It's none of my business who you sleep with. And honestly, I understand why you did it – it must have been, well, a relief… " her voice trailed off as she searched for the words to say. Might as well plunge straight into it. " Danny, I really admired the way you were faithful to Sha're. I don't think I would have been able to resist temptation like that. "
Daniel blushed. " It wouldn't have felt right, " he said modestly. " I mean, I always knew I wasn't going to get her back, but it wouldn't have felt right, being with another woman while she was still alive. "
Samantha felt tears in her eyes. She was touched by Daniel's admission. He had loved Sha're, a part of him would always love her. He had stayed faithful to her because some part of her was still his wife… that kind of devotion was rare.
God, she wished it was hers.
" Sam? What's wrong? " Daniel asked when he saw her crying.
Samantha quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. " Nothing, " she lied. " Just… allergies. "
Daniel smirked. " That's my excuse, " he said. " And the sorriest lie you've come up with yet. What's really up? "
Samantha turned away, flushed with embarrassment about her feelings being revealed. " I'm just a little jealous, " she admitted. " About how much you loved Sha're. "
The way she said it aroused Daniel's curiosity. " Because she was loved or… "
" Because she was loved by you, " Samantha whispered in a small voice. She was afraid to look at Daniel, afraid to face the possibility of rejected.
" Sam, look at me, " Daniel commanded in a low voice.
Slowly, Samantha turned her head so she was looking into Daniel's eyes. His blue eyes seemed to be searching her soul.
" This is going to be a nightmare, you and I, " he said.
" Jack will be furious, " Samantha said.
" Jack, Hammond, Maybourne… " Daniel continued. " But… I think I'm in love with you so it's already a problem. "
Samantha started crying in earnest now. She was so relieved to hear Daniel say he was in love with her, or at least that he thought he was, but anxious about the consequences about them being together. Now that it was real, so were the repercussions. She was military, he wouldn't ; all the blame for their relationship would rest on her. It might be mitigated he wasn't military, but he was still under her supervision. It would almost be as bad as if she were to have an affair with a junior officer under her command. God, no wonder Jack had never made a move. This was a nightmare.
Daniel took her into his arms. " It's OK, Sam, I'll get myself reassigned first thing tomorrow, " he promised. " I'll make sure none of this falls onto you. They can't do much to me. In the meantime, I guess we should keep this under wraps. "
Samantha nodded against the material of Daniel's night shirt, although the idea of being separated from him now that they'd finally connected made her feel empty. At least it wouldn't be permanent, just long enough for Daniel to get settled on another team. She sighed. That seemed so long away.
" OK, " she agreed in a small voice.
Daniel tilted her head up so her mouth was inches away from his. " It won't be for long, " he promised. " You'll be grateful when you aren't demoted. "
" Or chucked out of the airforce, " Samantha agreed as optimistically as she could.
" That, too. But in the meantime… " Daniel lowered his mouth to hers for a gentle kiss. He drew her against the wall to steady himself as their mouths connected. He gently pried open her mouth with his tongue, their tongues tangling, exploring each other mouths until they were breathless and they separated. Samantha rested her head against his strong chest, her body shaking from the impact of the kiss.
Daniel held her tightly. " No more jealousy? " he asked, a content smile on his face.
Samantha rubbed her face against Daniel's chest like a cat. " No more jealousy, " she agreed.