Off-Duty: The Humorous Adventures of Kira and Dax
Historian's Note: This story takes place during the fourth season opener, The Way of the Warrior. The others take place afterward, also in the course of the fourth season.
A Day in Camelot
"Come on, Nerys. It'll be fun." Jadzia Dax sat on the couch in her quarters talking to Kira over her communicator.
"Jadzia, I'm just not the holosuite type. It's such a waste of time."
"Is spending time with me a waste?" Jadzia asked in a joking tone.
"Of course not," she heard Kira answer from the other end.
"What are you doing?" There was a slight pause and Kira answered with a sigh,
"Great! I'll be over in a minute with your costume."
"Costume?" Before Kira could say more, Jadzia cut the communication and pulled two costumes from her closet, dawning one before leaving her quarters.
"You have got to be kidding me. I'm going to wear that?" Kira's mouth dropped slightly as she pointed to the medieval dress and coned hat that Dax had brought over.
"You were the one who said you needed help with your imagination," Dax reminded her.
"Yes...but this...this is crazy!"
"No, it's medieval. Now go put it on." Kira took the dress from the Trill and walked into her bedroom, leaving Dax smiling in the livingroom.
"So," Kira called from her room, her voice muffled from her movement, "What are we doing?"
"It's an old Earth play called Camelot. Benjamin gave me the program for my birthday- he thought I would have fun with it." Dax smiled all the wider, especially when she heard Kira grunt as she attempted to get the dress on. Yes, Benjamin. I am going to have fun.
Kira emerged from her bedroom dressed in the elaborate costume. Dax couldn't help but chuckle to herself at Kira all decked out in an ancient Earth dress.
"I look like a fairy tale princess," Kira groaned, throwing her hands at her sides in exasperation.
"That's because you are. Now hold still while I fix your hat." Dax briefly fooled with the rather large hat, which sat crookedly on Kira's head. At that moment, another thought came to Kira.
"Wait a second. I have to be seen like this! No, no, no. I'm not going anywhere, never mind the Promenade, like this!" Jadzia pictured the results of that action. Extra! Extra! Read all about it! First officer Major Kira Nerys seen in costume frolicking on the Promenade! Jadzia pushed that aside with a laugh and thought for a minute, not willing to have her plan thwarted so easily.
"We could just beam there," she suggested.
"This isn't exactly an emergency," Kira argued.
"I won't tell Benjamin if you don't." Dax shot Kira a puppy-dog look that Kira unfortunately couldn't say no to.
"Fine." Jadzia smiled in her triumph and tapped her combadge.
They materialized in an empty holosuite, the holoprojectors visible. Jadzia inserted her program into the arch and instantly the holosuite became a courtyard surrounded by stoned walls.
"Where are we?" Kira asked, turning to take in all her surroundings.
"Ancient Earth inside a large stone building which they called a castle. We are in the legendary land of Camelot, known for being the most beautiful and prosperous country in history." Kira nodded, taking in the information as she scanned the small courtyard. The sky was blue above their heads and tiny gardens lined the surrounding walls.
"And who are we supposed to be?" Kira asked reluctantly in fear of the answer.
"You are Queen Gwenivere of Camelot. You were recently married to King Arthur."
"Oh. So where is this King Arthur character anyway?" As if on cue, a man dressed in royal medieval clothing stepped through the courtyard door and recited dramatically,
"Come, Jenny! The match is about to begin!" He grabbed Kira's hand and began dragging her from the courtyard. She threw a confused glance over her shoulder to Dax, who simply shrugged. King Arthur led them through the castle and out onto a large field.
They emerged outdoors to see two men on horseback on either side of the wide stretch of grass. They sported shining armor and large pointed sticks.
"Look," King Arthur said, pointing to the man furthest from them. "That is Sir Lancelot, the undefeated jouster. Every good jouster in the kingdom has gone against him and he still hasn't lost." Dax leaned in toward Kira and whispered,
"This guy has the hugest ego. You're bent on deflating it." Kira found this amusing. Perhaps Jadzia had picked out a good program after all.
She watched as two men on horseback began to gallop towards each other, large sticks that they held extended. The horses ran faster and faster, the distance between them decreasing. When they finally met, the one that Arthur had pointed out as Lancelot knocked the other off his horse. Dax winced when the man fell, wondering if all human pastimes were so violent. It looked more dangerous than fun.
Dax watched as Kira became entranced in the match. Jadzia smiled, glad that she could take her friend's mind off the Klingons for the moment.
Lancelot dismounted, shaking hands with the man he had beat, then walking over to Kira and Dax. He pulled off his helmet to reveal a handsome face, his short hair plastered to his head with sweat. He took Kira's hand and kneeled before her. In a sultry voice he said,
"My lady, I have been victorious again." Kira lifted her eyebrows in surprise and looked over at Dax. "Why do you doubt me so?" he asked. Kira pulled her hand away, with a look of disgust. "I shall prove my worthiness," he vowed, replacing his helmet and moving back to his horse. Dax barely contained her laughter as Kira bored into his back with her Stare of a Thousand Deaths, which she usually only reserved for Quark. She turned and Dax suggested,
"Let's explore the castle." Kira nodded and they entered the castle.
They came to a large throne room, elaborately decorated with gold. Kira appeared impressed, walking to the throne and sitting in it.
"I think I could get used to this," she commented.
"Being in control?" Jadzia asked. Kira shook her head.
"No, using my imagination. I had never really had the chance. It's kind of...fun," she admitted reluctantly. The Trill smiled in her success. Just then, Lancelot entered the throne room. "Oh, no," Kira muttered under her breath to Dax. "It's Mr. Big Head again."
"Beautiful Gwenivere! There is something I must tell you!" Kira sighed and stood from her throne.
"Fine, but make it quick." Lancelot ran up to her and grabbed her hand again. He spoke romantically,
"I love you, Gwenivere."
Kira just stood there, unsure what to do. Suddenly, Lancelot leaned in and kissed her. As though by reflex, she floored him, sprawling the great knight across the castle floor. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Computer, end program!" she ordered and briskly walked to the exit. Jadzia chased after her, retrieving her program on the way out. Kira stormed out and Jadzia realized that Kira had forgotten her concern about their attire.
The noise of Quark's flooded their ears as the holosuite doors opened.
"I can't believe you did that!" Dax exclaimed as they descended the spiral staircase that led to the lower level of Quark's.
"He didn't leave me any choice," Kira replied.
"What did she do?" a voice asked. Kira stopped short, suddenly realizing where she was and how she was dressed. That was Doctor Julian Bashir's voice. She hesitantly turned her attention to the direction of the voice to find Bashir and Miles O'Brien waiting at the bottom of the stairs.
"She knocked out Lancelot," Jadzia explained.
"He kissed me!" Kira rationalized.
"He's supposed to kiss you," Dax revealed. At that, Kira shot her a look.
"But I was playing a married woman." Dax shrugged, satisfied they had still had a good time. She looked over at Julian and Miles and noticed they were having a hard time keeping a straight face. Bashir suddenly turned to a Klingon beside him and said,
"Lieutenant Commander Worf, this is Commander Jadzia Dax and Major Kira Nerys, our first officer." So much for keeping Kira's mind off the Klingons, Dax thought. She's going to kill me.
"Nice hat," Worf commented. Kira again remembered what she was wearing. She promptly yanked the hat off, wacking Jadzia in the face with the veil in the process. She covered defensively,
"I don't always dress like this. We were in the holosuite–"
"So I gathered," Worf interjected. He turned to Jadzia and added, "You used to be Curzon Dax."
"That's right," Dax answered, smiling wider by the minute. "And I don't usually dress like this either," she added with a small curtsy.
"Curzon's name is an honored one among my people," Worf stated.
"Lok, 'jIh Him'tA lah," Dax answered with a mischievous smile. Worf suddenly looked flustered, not a common facial expression for a Klingon.
"I suppose so," he answered uncomfortably. "Excuse me," he added, moving to another Klingon. Once he had left, Kira turned to Jadzia and asked,
"What did you say to him?" Jadzia just shook her head, the smile lingering on her features.
"It loses something in the translation." Kira nodded, marveling at her friend's complexities. She again remembered what she was dressed in and began to plan the fastest way back to her quarters.