Why of Course, Mr. Black
Argh! I can't believe this fic got deleted. I got a nasty little note from someone who thought this ought to be rated M rather than T. The next day, my fic was gone. And I was so happy because of the many reviews I got, too. Gah! I can't even think straight. The only things that want to come out of my mouth are random swear words. I still think it should be T, but I don't want to take any chances this time.

Sorry for ranting. Enjoy the random, slightly kinky one-shot, everyone.

Warning: Male/male SLASH (Sirius/Remus pairing). You've been warned.

Disclaimer: You know the drill. The characters belong to the wonderful JK Rowling.


Hot breath ghosted over his ear, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine. Two bodies intertwined in a sweaty, rapturous dance. A feverish rhythm of rocking and writhing. A sensuous music of erratic gasps and moans.

Gray eyes…silky black hair…tanned golden skin…

Sweet lips pressed into his own, allowing him to taste the erotic, salty-sweet flavor of the boy above him, around him…in him. The friction between his thighs was building to its zenith, bringing him deliriously closer to the edge. A strangled moan escaped him in an altogether primal cry of need.

"Siri—oh—Sirius," he panted, arching harder into the warm body above him. "Siri…"

"Remus."

"Mmm…"

"Remus?"

"No—don't stop. So…close…a little…more."

"REMUS!"

The cry woke him with all the force of an electric shock. He snapped his eyes open to the familiar surrounding of his four-poster bed. The sounds of his roommates—the usual clamor of chaos as the boys readied for classes in the morning—was absent, and it was this eerie silence that made Remus roll over onto his side. He was intending to roll right off the bed, but instead he came face to face with the last person he wanted to see right now.

"Sirius?" He winced as his voice cracked on the second syllable.

A pair of attentive gray eyes stared at him. Sirius was on his knees beside the bed, his arms folded across the edge of Remus's pillow. An amused smile was tugging at his mouth.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" Remus croaked weakly.

"Trying to hear what you were saying," Sirius said, shrugging in what would have been a gesture of sangfroid if the wicked glint in his eyes hadn't betrayed him.

Remus suddenly found that his mouth was parched, as if he had swallowed a bucketful of sand. And to make matters worse, there was an incessant throbbing somewhere down in his nether regions. Surreptitiously moving his legs to cleverly hide his problem, Remus pushed himself up on one hand, rubbing his eye languidly with the other.

"What do you mean you were trying to hear me? I wasn't saying anything." Remus silently prayed to whatever deity happened to be listening that Sirius really hadn't heard anything. He was well aware of the kinds of things that would have left his mouth—considering the subject of that dream.

"You were talking in your sleep," said Sirius. "Well, more like moaning, really."

Remus sputtered in indignation. "I—I was not moaning!"

"Yes you were," Sirius replied cheekily. "And by the sounds of it, you were having quite the dream." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "So, who's the mystery girl?"

"There's no girl," Remus said hurriedly, flushing to his roots.

"Really?" Sirius smirked in that haughty, arrogant way of his that made Remus unable to decide whether to punch him or kiss him. "That's not how it sounded to me. How did it go, now?" His face suddenly twisted into an expression mimicking climax. "So…close," he moaned in an uncanny imitation of Remus's voice, "…a little…more."

"Sirius!" Remus hissed through his teeth, his face burning in mortification. "There's. No. Girl."

Sirius had, by this point, collapsed into a fit of laughter. He clutched his stomach and snickered heartily, falling back onto the floor in glee. Remus leaned over the bed, shooting daggers at the boy who was now wiping tears of joy from his eyes, still giggling.

"Sorry, Moony," Sirius wheezed in between barks of mirth.

"It's not funny," said Remus tersely. His face was still burning with humiliation. This was the last conversation he wanted to have with Sirius.

"Well, no, not really," said Sirius, finally managing to get himself under control. He climbed back onto the bed and flopped down beside Remus, who inched away. His—problem—was bad enough without the temptation of having the object of his desires seated within a foot of him on his bed.

"But seeing as it's you, Moony…" Sirius barked out an explosion of laughter.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Sirius gave him measuring look, one that made him feel naked and very much exposed.

"Well," Sirius began, "you're usually the most controlled of all of us when it comes to impulsive…er…desires."

"Just because I don't like to flaunt any and every bestial urge I have doesn't mean that I don't have them!"

"Oh, really?" Sirius raised an eyebrow, leaning so close to Remus that he could feel the boy's breath on his cheek.

"S—Sirius," Remus said weakly. At this rate, his problem definitely wasn't going to go away any time soon.

"Remus," the boy purred in a way that made Remus blush.

They were barely an inch apart now, Sirius's hot breath skimming over Remus's lips.

"Siri—stop it. It's not funny," Remus managed to croak. His heart was in his throat, and the room was all together too hot and too cold.

Sirius blinked, awareness darting across his features. He leaned back abruptly, eyes wide with—was it fear?

"Sorry," he mumbled quietly, carefully avoiding Remus's eyes. Sirius cleared his throat, and hitched his usual debonair smile into place, standing in one graceful, fluid movement. "Well, you better get ready. We're already late for breakfast. The others went ahead." He added, in an annoyed mutter, "Stupid ungrateful bastards."

Remus couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped him—though because of his giddy state, the sound came out as more of a giggle than anything else. A high-pitched, embarrassingly undignified giggle. And what was worse, he couldn't stop. The giggling continued without his consent, causing him to clap his hand over his mouth in horror.

He looked up to find Sirius staring at him, mouth slack with bemusement.

Oh, great. Now he thinks I've gone completely starkers.

"What?" Remus snapped, hoping he injected just the right amount of cutting frustration into his voice.

Sirius's eyes widened for a moment, before amusement flared up once again as he regained his composure. "Nothing at all, my dear Mr. Lupin. Now, would you care to get dressed?"

"Would you care to leave?"

"Why of course not, Mr. Lupin. Would you happen to have a problem with that?"

"Why of course, Mr. Black. I prefer not to have to strip in front of anything more intelligent than a flobberworm. And while I'm not entirely sure your mental capacities stretch to that level, I think it best not to risk it."

"Oh, come now, Mr. Lupin. Surely you accept that you'll want to strip in front of me some day…once you finally fall victim to the 'Sirius Syndrome.'" Sirius raised an eyebrow, shooting Remus a look that—although playful—couldn't be described as anything other than smoldering. It was a look that shook Remus down to his marrow, but he kept up a façade of calm.

"The 'Sirius Syndrome,' Mr. Black?" he asked coolly. "Isn't that a little conceited, even for you?"

"Oh, I didn't think it up. It's what everyone's calling it. And they're right, you know. It seems to be an epidemic."

"What—everyone's going insane?"

"No. Everyone is falling head over heels for my irresistible charm. Really, the only ones left are James, Evans, and you."

"And Peter?"

"Why I'm surprised at your ignorance, Mr. Lupin. Surely you've noticed the hungry looks dear old Wormtail throws at my rump."

"Urgh!" Remus exclaimed, pretending to gag. "That was an image I could definitely have lived without."

Sirius bowed deeply with a tremendous flourish of his hands. "My pleasure, Mr. Lupin. It is my duty, after all. Sirius Black, thief of hearts and corrupter of virgin ears." He winked, smirking.

Remus voiced the question going through his mind before he could stop himself. "Are virgin ears the only things you've corrupted?"

Sirius's grin widened mischievously. "Interested, are we?" He took a small step toward the bed, and Remus involuntarily recoiled. "And just what makes you think I would divulge that precious bit of information?"

"I don't—"

He took another step toward Remus, clearly enjoying the agitation he was causing in the boy. Remus hated to give Sirius that kind of power, but there was no denying the submission gave Remus some sort of semi-sexual thrill.

Sirius, now at the edge of the bed, crawled on all fours on the sheets. The muscles rippled beneath his shirt in a way that made the back of Remus's throat desiccate and the blood rush to the area below his navel. Sirius was no more than a yard away…

…a foot…

…an inch…

…a breath…

And then, so suddenly and before Remus could even comprehend the situation, he felt Sirius's sweet lips press brush against his own.

A simple brush, nothing more.

Sirius just simply held his mouth there, tauntingly close but just beyond reach. Remus didn't know when he had closed his eyes, but the lack of pressure in the almost-kiss made him open them again.

Silver orbs stared back, desire and fear burning in tandem within.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, his voice soft and husky. "Can I?"

"Can you…?"

"Can I…kiss you?"

Remus thought his heart would stop right then and there. Part of him was screaming itself hoarse with joy. The other part was still waiting for Sirius to burst out laughing at any moment and confess that this was just a joke. He opened his mouth to speak but all that emerged was an unbecoming squeak. Remus promptly shut his mouth.

The silence pounded in his ears. Sirius's eyes were widening steadily with what Remus thought—hoped—was panic. The boy looked on the verge of pulling back, and it was this, more than anything, that gave Remus his voice.

"Why of course, Mr. Black."

Sirius looked as if he was trying to decide whether to laugh or cry. He compromised by hyperventilating and then attempting to cough up his innards.

"Sirius! Are you all right?"

The boy nodded, clearing his throat loudly and getting himself under control. "Why of course, Mr. Lupin," he said, falling elegantly back into their banter. "Now, where were we?"

"You were about to give me fifty Galleons."

"My, my, Mr. Lupin. You're not cheap, are you? Ah, well. I guess that's what I get for wanting a beautiful sex toy."

"I am no one's sex toy, Mr. Black."

Sirius leaned closer so that their lips were almost touching. "Then I'll be yours."

Unable to take the torture of having Sirius so achingly close, Remus pressed their mouths firmly together. It was euphoria like he had never known. He kissed Sirius again and again, moving his lips against the boy's in a blissful dance of longing.

The kiss was slightly awkward, but the contented moans Sirius was making at the back of his throat convinced Remus that he must have been doing something right, so he continued with more confidence. Remus nipped and sucked and licked, all the while snaking his arms around Sirius's neck to pull him closer. Strong arms encircled his waist; a trim chest pressed flush against him. Sirius urged him gently and patiently with his lips and tongue. The boy tasted of an intoxicating mixture of cinnamon and spice, a flavor that was making Remus lightheaded and giddy.

It was Sirius who broke the kiss first, flushed and panting. Remus slowly opened his eyes to find his friend-turned-lover beaming delightedly at him.

"That was the best bloody kiss of my life," Sirius said matter-of-factly.

Remus couldn't help but grin at that.

Suddenly there was a spark of urgency in Sirius's eyes. "I love you, Remus."

"I love you, too, Siri."

"I've loved you since third year."

"Me, too."

"You've loved yourself since third year?"

"No, I've loved you since third year, you dolt." Remus slapped Sirius's arm playfully.

"So does this mean you'll be my boyfriend?"

"Why of course, Mr. Black."

"And you'll go out with me?"

"Of course, Mr. Black."

"And engage in hot public displays of affection?"

"Of cour—wait. What exactly are we talking about here?"

"Oh, you know." Sirius grinned evilly. "Holding hands, hugging, kissing, snogging, frenching…"

"Hmm…I'll get back to you on that."

"And does this mean we'll sleep in the same bed now?"

"Already? Geez, you move fast."

"We've already lost so much time," said Sirius with just a touch of petulance in his voice. "I mean, really. If we'd just told each other sooner, we would have had two plus years to develop this relationship as slowly as you pleased."

"I guess so. You know something?"

"What?"

"The dream I was having before you woke me…it was about you."

"I know," said Sirius softly.

"WHAT?"

Sirius chuckled, tracing his hands slowly up Remus's side. "I heard you moaning my name."

"I was not moaning!"

Sirius pretended not to have heard the last comment. "Was I good?"

"Wonderful."

"Thought so. And do you know something?"

"What?"

"You're still hard."

"I know."

"And you know what else?"

"What?"

"I'm a virgin."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Well, who would've thought it?"

"So…fancy a snog, Mr. Lupin?"

"Why of course, Mr. Black."

"Fancy a shag, Mr. Lupin?"

"Why of course, Mr. Black."

"Fancy being on bottom, Mr. Lupin?"

"Why of course not, Mr. Black. You are my sex toy, remember?"

"Why of course, Mr. Lupin."

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Just shut up and kiss me already."

"Why of course Mr. Lu—"

Sirius was effectively silenced, his mouth being otherwise occupied—for quite a while.


Hope you guys liked it. Oh, and for future reference, just in case my stories get deleted, I'm going to start posting them at my new LiveJournal, which can be found here: www . livejournal . com / users / demonsblade / (without the spaces)